~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 22 | How do you ladies respond to questions about your body count/last time you had sex?Nope. Dumb fox reply all the way. "Wow, no one's asked me something so private before. Why would you think that's OK to ask?" Then they'd either need to apologize fully and completely, or it's an automatic HELL NO. (It's true, though. No one other than middle school boys, or chatroom pedos, have ever asked me that. BAD sign.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/08/20 06:53 PM |
| 115 | Wisdom of our elders...Dorothy is a queen <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/20 03:06 PM |
| 10 | Lesson learned. Respect yourself today: it's free and good for your health.Oof, this hits close to home! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/20 12:45 PM |
| 27 | Me: a mentally and emotionally tired black woman; Him: a white man with no understanding of boundariesOh, gross. It's not your job to educate clueless people on current issues, nor is it your job to represent all black people etc, and his repeatedly bringing it up is just more performative "allyship" and disrespect of your emotions. Glad you shut it down. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/20 12:45 PM |
| 38 | Daughter received an email from her father who passed 10 months ago containing instructions on what to do for her mother on their 25th wedding anniversary.Goddammit, I'm crying now! HV Dad, HV daughter (and likely HV Mum, too). <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/20 12:42 PM |
| 5 | Lesson learnt.Sign me up :D | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/06/20 01:27 PM |
| 85 | Wish I knew this before. Sure, sometimes there is something wrong with your libido. But I wouldn't count on that from my experience lol. Whether you're not sure, go see a doctor sis <3THIS has been so true. I've always been high libido. But after 3-4 years, my libido tanked. I even went to a therapist to see WTF was wrong with my libido. After telling her about my LVM boyfriend, she said, "How would you feel if you broke up?" And a wave of relief washed over me, and I felt happy imagining it. It was such an epiphany. Since then, I've been back to my old self. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/06/20 03:33 AM |
| 32 | Feminist Waves happen when women collectively realize that their individual issues are actually pervasive cultural problems. Men try to prevent this by blaming women for men’s behavior and pretending like it’s solely a personal problem.Yup! I talked to my friend yesterday, and she's one of the most confident, independent and capable women I know. She fell for a guy and said, "Maybe it's me - I get anxious and insecure when I fall for a guy." Epiphany struck. I said, "You're a confident, gorgeous woman. If the man you're with makes you feel anxious and insecure, that means something is wrong with HIM. Take it as a sign that maybe this is not right for you right now." It didn't get through to her yet... but I hope one day it wil… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/06/20 03:30 AM |
| 1 | Addressing the 'tough love' commenting in the FDS community.To speak to your point, yeah. I think the best way is if ANY OF US see a hateful comment, respond to the OP and validate them with love and support. Drown out the hateful noise with real love and support to the OP. That's our #1 priority. I have also had the experience of really awful name-calling/hateful etc pettiness, someone who was not responding to my request for advice in good faith and assuming all sorts of things. Being called "dumb" etc. Luckily other comments (even though they gave me … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/20 04:49 AM |
| 20 | Women are really beautifulI 100% agree with the sentiment. As a side note, and in general, can we find a different word than beautiful? (Don't change your post though, I really like it! I'm just using this as an opportunity to talk about something important to me.) I don't like using the word "beautiful" because, let's face it - its primary meaning is "aesthetic pleasure". Which is, thanks to toxic patriarchal values, often means "men's aesthetic pleasure". :( I know what you're trying to say - "beautiful", meaning "it s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/20 04:32 AM |
| 1 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020Thanks, that was my instinct too. Now I'm just mirroring him but with a bit less effort from my end. Basically, he's lost Dating Privileges & he's at Acquaintance level now. But... he may be able to earn my trust back, who knows? It's going to take sustained effort on his part, though. It's a real shame. He's only been the second guy who could keep up with me intellectually, that I've ever met, who shared my moral compass and is attractive. But this withdrawing thing...? I'm going to call this a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/06/20 03:57 AM |
| 2 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020He's not a narcissist, this is pretty sure. He will definitely reach out again, he just needed some time between dates is what he said. Currently, I'm not sending any more messages. Maybe if he's silent for too long, I cut him out? But it's been just that message he sent, which... I would personally send that too because I tend to go into my own cave. I just don't understand. Sometimes I don't understand if FDS rules are only for cutting men out, or for expressing expectations to see if they liv… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/20 08:07 AM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020Is it fair to just cut things off? Like I've told him before if he needs space to just tell me, otherwise it's upsetting. And that's what he did... but I'm still upset. It doesn't seem fair that I made a request, he followed through, but I'm breaking things off anyway. Here's what I thought to say: Thanks for being honest. This kind of withdrawal doesn't work for me in someone I date, it's upsetting and I don't feel the chemistry. It's best to just be buds. Thanks for the great times, sincerely … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/20 07:11 AM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020The reason I thought first to just say don't worry about it is that standard model of support - like people who are going through shit right now deserve a break. (Support inwards, garbage out). And after so much time with him, I do feel like he at least deserves friend-level support. He's stuck in a house with a mother with mental health issues plus alcoholism, he doesn't know when he can return home, and there's a pandemic around him. Think Brazil-level pandemic. It could be another 3-6 months … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/20 07:08 AM |
| 5 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020I had a friend that I caught up with via video. (He had flown abroad just before the country locked down, in order to be with his elderly parents, just in case.) We started getting more romantic, flirtatious. Chatting every day. Must have met up via video 30 times. Talking about going on proper dates when he got back. But each time the lockdown is extended for the country we live in (meaning he cannot fly back to me any time soon), he gets distant for a day or two (meaning like, fewer text messa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 05:18 PM |
| 6 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020Do you blame factories that violate labor and human rights, or do you blame the employees that work for them? When you have bills to pay, you do what you have to do. If there were no demand, there'd be no supply. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 05:10 PM |
| 1 | Do complacent men ever change?The reason I "felt alive" and got my ass in gear after 5 years of neglect was because I went to a dance class and had a playful conversation with a classmate, who happened to be an attractive man. I felt something inside... and that's what woke me up to how shit my relationship was. I would call you a recovering Pickme, and not LV. One of the reasons that women become Pickmes is when they are unkind to themselves and don't give themselves enough credit. Then they lower their standards because th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 06:27 AM |
| 13 | This subreddit is changing my lifeYAS, sis. Everyone's going to be suspicious of the "possible HVM" just like you. Keep your guard up for a good long while longer. You are enough. You will be OK. Report back on him/you and more realizations, please. I love these posts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 06:00 PM |
| 16 | This is a good comeback for all the creeps that say age is just a number"That's what my granddad always says! You remind me of him. He's a bit taller than you, actually." Said cheerfully. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 05:57 PM |
| 16 | How do you go about dating as a child free woman?Same here. Also, mentioning that I don't want kids makes them feel like they don't have to emotionally commit. Because why would they marry a woman if it didn't allow them to use her uterus? Why be committed if it weren't for the sake of raising children? /s It's been a tough road and I have no answers. Sorry :( | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 02:48 AM |
| 24 | Really felt for this woman. I just hope she keeps her standards high and knows her worth now.She doesn't have to justify feeling bad to you or anyone. We don't need even more people invalidating women's emotions. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/05/20 04:31 PM |
| 8 | Actress tries to clue sex advice blogger Shan Boody In to the realities of gendered sexual expectations after kids and she goes on narcissistic rant about “barriers” she’s had overcome to give her terrible sex adviceIf this woman were actually confident, she'd just chuckle at that other person's condescending "cute" remark (anyone with a brain can see that calling a grown woman "cute" was dismissive and disrespectful), and touch on the points where they agreed/disagreed like a professional. No, this person has neither grace nor grit. (And I don't think she understands what either of these are, conceptually, either.) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 02:01 PM |
| 5 | My boyfriend sent me a half naked picture of an instagram model saying that “ he wants me to take a picture like this” but I can’t help it now hut think of him as LVM , what do you think ladies ?That's smart thinking. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders There are a bunch of other reasons why sending nudes is a bad idea, so take a look at the FDS handbook. If you agree with them/if they make sense, then yeah, stop sending nudes 100%. I don't follow every single rule for FDS (mainly because they are written for a very different culture) but reading the handbook has opened my eyes about the reasoning behind these rules, and allows me to apply the reasoning and create my o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/05/20 07:23 AM |
| 2 | Things seem to be taking a negative turn here. Please, let's focus our energies on building each other up and IGNORING trash men.One thing that I wish I knew: you have to use the old view of Reddit to be able to filter with RES. If you go to Settings in your Reddit console, you can select that. Good luck! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/05/20 03:40 AM |
| 7 | Things seem to be taking a negative turn here. Please, let's focus our energies on building each other up and IGNORING trash men.I agree with everything you said! There were so many comments second-guessing and belittling other women who were sharing their stories in previous posts. #believewomen Now, I use Reddit Enhancement Suite to filter out any post that has the label "SCROTES" or "LVM" or related bash-y tags. I also filter out "rape", "misogyny" etc. throughout Reddit because it's very rare that I encounter a post that actually informs and inspires. I get newsworthy feminist articles/stories through regular news sou… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/05/20 03:30 AM |
| 27 | People that force talking everyday.I actually STARTED blocking people when I turned 30... Blocking in itself isn't a childish thing if it is done with intention and good reason. When it's gotten to the point where they're being manipulative (aka being dramatic), or deliberately hurtful, you really don't owe them anything other than a brief statement, a goodbye and a block. "We clearly have different ideas about friendship. This isn't working. Sorry." Then I'd block. No paragraphs of explanations. No negotiation. They already know… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/20 04:25 PM |
| 5 | I'm starting to think liberal feminism might actually be antifeminismAlright sisters, I'm a bit tipsy right now so let me first preface this with saying I love this sub and I support you. <3 I didn't grow up in the US. What I learned about feminism, I learned from academic texts by British and American authors, and occasionally, post-colonial feminists. I'm not an expert at all. I'm only trying to say that I have very much an outsider's POV on what "liberal feminism" is. So (it appears) a ton of what is called "liberal feminism" is just American pop culture with … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/20 04:57 PM |
| 10 | #FactMy first heartbreak taught me that men and women can be perfectly decent and awesome people and still not be compatible. I was lucky to have had a great boyfriend as my first. <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/20 04:37 PM |
| 0 | A post in r/twoxchromosomes to remind you HV men exist at this time.No, men should not be praised for doing typically "female things" while male, aka the bare minium. Yes, there are definitely too many posts that are of that mindset and we should call those out. He went beyond the bare minimum because he took on the extra mental/emotional labor of checking the traffic. I assume (and this is where I could be wrong) this is indicative of his entire approach. So no, I don't think this is a post we should criticize harshly other than to acknowledge the similarities … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/20 05:02 PM |
| 2 | Don't you LOVE Meagan Good's husband, Devon Franklin? He is THE ultimate high-value male. I have been following their marriage for the last 7 years and as an atheist (they're Christians and he is a pastor) I am in awe of them and cannot get enough. I wanted to share this with my FDS gang!Yeah, not having sex for 4 weeks or more has been a consistent (I'm not going to say always) trend for me. I enjoy the build up and desperation/overtly sexual men/pushy men are huge turnoffs - it isn't a conscious a moral judgement thing at all, more like an instinctive "ewwwww gross" that saved me. I watched the video with a sincere sense of shock. Devon Franklin seems like a decent and self-aware person who connects well with others, a bit more so than average, so this is not criticizing him a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/20 04:53 PM |
| 23 | “You liked choking during sex, but now you are complaining?”This is such a good point to be made. I didn't realize how different "choking" and "strangling" sound - and now you've pointed it out, it seems as obvious as day and night. Thanks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/04/20 04:34 PM |
| 2 | one important yet often understated piece of advice for women who want to start dating HVMI had a close HV-seeming friend and I often followed her advice when it came to relationships. We were like sisters. Then one day I looked at my partner, realized I was miserable and he was a petulant child, and I looked at her husband, who was rage-addicted and drug-addicted. Broke up with the ex and haven't hung out with her one on one since. I still want the best for her too but she's just too deep in the toxic culture. I can't relate to her any more either. Now it's hard for me to relate to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/04/20 06:20 AM |
| 1 | one important yet often understated piece of advice for women who want to start dating HVMThose are great ideas, thank you, especially backed by your experience. I'll go to some workshops. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/04/20 06:16 AM |
| 21 | Glamour publishes “kink” manual and almost 100% of the Kinks described in are centered around normalizing Degradation, Objectification, Infantilization, and Abuse. Why is kink synonymous with abuse or disassociation with our bodies? Female sexuality is more than this and we deserve better.Ugh I used to read Glamour and Cosmo religiously and it messed me up so much. When I read writing from a diverse number of actual academic feminists, it uplifted me (and made me angry) but it overall made me hopeful. Glamour, Cosmo and their ilk are toxic on the whole. This article is just one of hundreds. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/04/20 08:12 AM |
| 4 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020Yes, they act kind/loving when it doesn't take much sacrifice/discomfort for them. It burnishes their ego. They also know what things they can do to earn HV points but it's actually something they don't plan on doing regularly once they've "caught" their partner. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/04/20 04:14 PM |
| 5 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020The first paragraph is really nice - and very HV. But not being happy in the bedroom is a huge, huge red flag. How the guy behaves in the bedroom is more of an important signaler than nearly ANY other aspect FDS mentions. Every single HV guy I've dated has been generous and non-porny in the bedroom. Gentle, loving, even when we turned out to be not so compatible. They watched very little porn or none at all. Every single LV guy has talked a big game about being generous, and would make what seem… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/04/20 04:12 PM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020Yes, "just a joke" is a definite red flag. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 04:18 AM |
| 17 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020I have a petty justice/validation story to tell you. But it's a bit long. When my ex's sister got married in a foreign country, I attended as my ex's date and also got to know the husband's huge family. It was a far away country and we spent a month with the new husband's huge family. Ex and I broke up during that 1-month trip, in part due to pressure from his super toxic sister (the bride) and his mom who hated my parents for "no reason" (as she admitted, unbeknownst to me). (My thought at the … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 04:06 AM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020Love this comment. You're so right and even though you seem a teeny bit conflicted, you did the absolute right thing for you AND him. Whether he's toxic because he's troubled, or he's toxic because of some other reason - you're not his therapist, you're not his GF, and honestly with his behavior, I'm surprised he's even considered your friend. It's good for the world for toxic people to understand their shittiness has consequences. That said I've definitely talked to exes who reached out to me a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 03:42 AM |
| 4 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020Not a red flag. If they tease you for the first time, a HV will be careful to notice your reaction. If you're hurt they will stop when they just see your face or if you don't respond with a joke. (They won't need a verbal "No"). If they're MV, you will be forced to verbally tell them, "That hurts" and THEN they will stop. If they're LV/negative-Value, they won't even stop teasing or they will get defensive/critical. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 03:39 AM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020I'm so sorry to hear that. It is definitely hard to find community. And it is indeed rare to find someone who checks up on you. I don't fault you for keeping him in your life during this time. I have a friend who is similar (not an ex, she is a woman). I do want to keep her in my life but she is exhausting. She is also wicked smart and caring. She is prone to drama too. She is an energy/emotional vampire. The key is boundaries... that you don't even have to state aloud. For instance, I have limi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 03:35 AM |
| 6 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020I would think he is clearly LV but empathetic enough to be able to improve. Key question is: is his LV-ness worth enduring while he tries to level up, knowing that he may/may not succeed? Is she willing to do the painful, time-burning task of forgiving future LV shittiness & then forgiving and teaching him about HV behavior? (It's a real question that only your friend can answer. Maybe he has MV/HV traits that mean he's worth it. I do think LV men can level up IF they have humility, self-awarene… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 03:24 AM |
| 2 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020I say we can ALL accomplish bigger goals without the weight of feeling obligated to have a partner dragging us down! Big hugs. You sound self-aware & kind, you're gonna rock it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 03:18 AM |
| 37 | If the shoe was on the other foot, would your man be accepting of it?Absolutely this. But beware of using this metric for really messed up LV guys who truly don't have any values. They have 0 standards so it's difficult to have double standards... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/20 11:59 AM |
| 5 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020I feel you. :( On average, the top 5 HV men I know can't even compare to the top 5 HV women I know. In terms of being good friends/partners/daughters/sons. And they have no clue how they just don't stack up at ALL against their wives/sisters/gfs. I think I'm childfree because even the HV men consistently are disappointing. :( | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/20 11:58 AM |
| 3 | I had a phone screen with a LVM — always ask if he has kidsExactly my thoughts! I've seen close friends suffer from that, it's really unfair for people to reproduce for their own ego/other reasons, and not because they're excited about raising children. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/20 11:04 AM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020I've also been instantly unmatched once or twice and it didn't bother me, and I've had rude (in real life) reactions to my rejections. The latter did affect me for a while, it didn't feel like a punch but more like, "Damn, horrible people DO exist and they CAN fool me at least for 10 minutes!" and it made a lot warier in the future. In short, I get you even though I've been (clearly) lucky in online dating. In the end, you have the absolute right to be protective of your own feelings, your physi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/20 11:02 AM |
| 4 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered April 12 2020For me, I would just tell him no thanks without elaborating. I've used this or its vague variations ("spark"/"chemistry") and have always, always gotten a lovely response even from guys I thought might go off. "Hey Mr. Guy, I've enjoyed our chats together. Unfortunately I just am not feeling the chemistry in our conversations so it's best to not move forward. I hope you understand. I wish you the best of luck out there!" Don't give reasons other than "chemistry"/"spark" though because those two … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/20 01:17 PM |
| 36 | I had a phone screen with a LVM — always ask if he has kidsThanks for your post. Are you child-free? I'm over 30 too and finding a guy who doesn't want kids but is into a full committed relationship (marriage etc.) is impossible. They don't see the point of a committed relationship if a woman isn't going to bear them children. I'm starting to think ALL men see women as merely potential incubators for copies of themselves :( (Hyperbole, I don't really think that, but... sometimes it sure feels true). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/20 09:15 AM |
| 2 | A story about how my HVM showed his worth from the jump.Hey thanks for sharing this! I am the commenter from your other post. If I hadn't read your previous post, I might have said the only orange-y flag was the age gap but... I've dated guys with that gap before, too. And the age gap is a big no-no IF the guy is LV, which isn't the case with you. Everything else is just so lovely :) I love these stories and I hope you'll keep posting them. I think it's good to show HV in ALL their varieties even supposedly unconventional ones. I also think it's impo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/20 10:36 AM |
| 18 | What are some signs he JUST WAS NOT THAT INTO YOU that you wish you would have seen as a Pickmeisha?For our anniversary, he gave me a bunch of blank craft-y stationery for scrapbooking and said I could use it to make a memory book of us. The idiot didn't even bother to fill in anything or write a message, or paste in any photos. He framed it as, "I just didn't know what to get." I can't believe I put up with that for so long (don't ask me how long!) He still writes me a forlorn email once a year, having infiltrated the friend group I had whilst I lived abroad (he now lives in that city...) and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/20 09:30 AM |
| 3 | My HVM husband went to the ATM and the grocery store before work today.I just happened onto this post. I love it! If you have time, I'd love to hear any other stories. Sometimes, I feel like I'm stuck in a LV hellhole where I live. :( Thank you :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/04/20 02:08 PM |
| 2 | Let's go! List of HV actions in the time of Covid-era social distancingThat is sweet :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/20 08:28 AM |
| 8 | Let's go! List of HV actions in the time of Covid-era social distancingTotally. Nowadays, the relationship subreddits are where I go to when I start to feel PickMe... I used to read them religiously to figure out how to "improve myself". Now, I'm just like "Oh thank GOD I've realized I can opt out of that clusterfuck!" Hahaha. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/20 08:28 AM |
| 2 | Ha! They think we have bad men’s anatomy. As though we could EVER compare to the stupidity men think about our bodies.Thank you :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/20 08:26 AM |
| 2 | Ha! They think we have bad men’s anatomy. As though we could EVER compare to the stupidity men think about our bodies.Hey just posting in support of this. I see a lot of elements of my journey too in your story. I just want to say thank you for sharing because there are definitely a ton others like us here. Commercial porn and mainstream porn preferences are degrading to women (and they certainly do not imply flattering things about men), ethically dubious and they also mess with our own sexual pleasure. For me, I was able to do a slow withdrawal with the goal of not watching any porn at all. I went from mainst… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/20 09:41 PM |
| 5 | Post-breakup... the sadness was actually oxytocin withdrawal??This is so valid and true. Most of the time, we're missing just the presence of love from someone who we THOUGHT was a HV guy... but we need to remember we never had that. At least we're rid of that illusion now. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/20 09:29 PM |
| 4 | What's your relationship with your HVM like?In my opinion, HV doesn't mean a person doing everything you want how you want it, but a person willing to make your happiness key without degrading or demoralizing themself. That's so key! Lots of wisdom here, really appreciated. Thank you for sharing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/20 06:41 PM |
| 6 | What's your relationship with your HVM like?What a great reply :) I'm on my own journey. I was stuck with a five-year relationship with a total LV - I was miserable and I was too far gone to even know it! If you don't mind (and it's OK if you say no because privacy etc.), were there any moments where you wondered if he was LV? Perhaps a comment or action or trait that is/could be interpreted as LV? And how did he recover? I'm asking because while I do know a few guys I think are HV (even one just like your guy - though he's only ever goin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/20 05:24 PM |
| 10 | What's your relationship with your HVM like?<3 He sounds amazing, thank you for sharing. Now... tell us your secrets ;) When you were only friends with him, what did he do that was unusual/clued you into him being HVM? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/03/20 02:40 PM |
| 2 | Friendly reminder to block and delete in these troubling times, ladiesdon't forget to get rid of LVW too | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 06:01 PM |
| 21 | Men and how they put women against each other onlineI'm Asian and the number of men who believe in the "docile submissive Asian woman" on the online dating apps is hilarious. The more racist they are, the more they believe in this stereotype, and the more easily they are manipulated. For the female players in my country, these men are easy pickings. And for the women who want to scam these men, they are gullible AF. If they weren't so racist and into their own weird stereotypes, they wouldn't get scammed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 01:58 PM |
| 2 | Useful when doubting your intuitionYes! This is so much more useful :) Thank you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/03/20 12:08 PM |
| 9 | Ladies, I think I found a HVMCongrats :) I love hearing about this guy, he sounds lovely! Can you tell us which FDS rules/guidelines you followed/adapted/ignored? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/03/20 05:26 PM |
| 7 | Libfems promote female empowerment by *checks notes* censoring a female content creator #SoundsAboutRight #NeverTrustALibfem #SchoolOfAffluence #IStandWithAnnaBeyThe point is to date a man who pays for you even though you do not need him to pay for you. Not arguing with you here, cos I go Dutch all the time, am just clarifying FDS. I don't agree with this hyperspecific rule for my own life, because I don't live in the West right now. FDS is Western culture focused, nothing wrong with that, but it's why I can only do 90% of FDS rules, because that's what works in my culture. For me, it means he better put in proper amount of emotional/mental/financial eff… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/03/20 12:00 AM |
| 1 | Someone needs to hear this...I needed to hear this. Thank you. 🤗 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/20 12:57 PM |
| 2 | How do a cultivate a circle of non-Pickme women friends?Board games where I live are heavily male dominated, and social dancing is usually male-female dancing because leads tend to be male and follows tend to be female. I do have female friends from dancing but we can't really practice together because women tend to dance as follows. I am learning to lead but I haven't gotten good enough yet to try social dancing like that. And sadly a lot of women are not comfortable with a female lead... the top 5 leads I have ever danced with include 3 women! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/20 08:53 PM |
| 3 | Dealing with gay PickMe friends.You're wise to not "chop wood" for your friend. You can only be there for him once he decides to reach out (like properly reach out, not just vent). Just wanted to validate your decision. Re: why people choose to be ignorant, some people are clueless; but I think many others want to believe that "people aren't that bad" because it's scary to think that people can really be that awful. I think it's just as important to pick HVM as dates as it is to pick HVW & HVM as friends, gay or straight or an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/20 06:00 PM |
| 9 | Dealing with gay PickMe friends.I had one of my closest friends say to me, "He's just really sad" after I recounted to her how my ex was stalking me, telling people I cheated on him (not true) and sending me rage-filled, curse-word-filled paragraphs over messaging. Not, "Are you Ok? That sounds terrible." Just, "You shouldn't be so tough on him. He's just sad." I knew her for 20 years, she has asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I turned her down (I already knew she was a bit toxic). But after that moment, I faded her out. Turns… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/20 05:21 PM |
| 15 | How to sniff if he's sexually competent: the quiet confidence of BIG DICK ENERGYThis is great. More of this please, I've read this 3-4 times now! It's so true. The men I've met who proclaimed themselves as having BDE were usually full of it and, though they may have actually had big penises, they didn't know how to do ANYTHING else. An extra one is if the guy is "sensual" rather than "sexual". For instance, if he enjoys his senses and he enjoys YOU enjoying your senses, for instance if he cooks for you just to see the look on your face when you have a bite of his food, or i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/20 02:35 PM |
| 5 | If you agree to have a casual sexual relationship with a man, he will NEVER see you more than a sex partner. No matter how "cute" or "romantic" he seems to be. When he gets tired of you, he'll discard you ASAP. His feelings will NEVER change.I'm in the same position. I wish I could have just the right level of affection so I could enjoy casual FWB situations. Because right now, I don't want a relationship - I'm a bit cynical. But I still need sex. :( And while I've had FWBs, they don't tend to be great sex partners. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/20 01:55 PM |
| 5 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 2/20/2020Lesson learned: I put this guy I was quite smitten with on the back burner. Trying to practice spinning plates. He's expressed a huge willingness meet me where I need him 'cos we're not quite compatible. But that's just words so... we'll see. Scary thought: Right now, I'm really enjoying myself being solo like it's seriously AWESOME. I'm abroad, and life is so much easier without another person. I feel light and free. BUT THEN of course, I watch "Love is Blind" and start ugly crying. WTF! Gah. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/20 11:00 PM |
| 0 | Why is the (supposed) feminist media so invested in making women pay for dates?From your comment, it seems you understand why it's a faux pas to question someone's own culture, and you did anyway. Anyway, it's a good chance to expand on my earlier comment, so no hard feelings. To answer your question: yes. This is how it works in my real life experience and in my culture (which is not Korean). For me, it's not about expressing what I am like to my date. It's about gauging the guys. It makes sense that splitting the check means different things in different cultures. For As… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/20 10:49 PM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 2/20/2020I agree about Mark. He's the only person who stays consistently earnest and kind, when Jessica is avoidant and lashing out. To me, he's #1 in terms of value. (I'm on Ep.5 right now) for both men and women. Kenny is #2 - just the way he looks at Kelly, and how he kind of just pops up out of nowhere in the series (probably because he wasn't stirring drama) bodes well. Not sure about Cameron - he had strange body language the first time they were together. Possibly he was awkward, but he seemed a b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/20 08:52 PM |
| 20 | Why is the (supposed) feminist media so invested in making women pay for dates?I see that a lot of FDS criticize libfems for not being intersectional, it's something I like that we take seriously so I hope how my culture intersects with being a woman is accepted here too. Overall, where I live, stuff is cheap. Guys are not limited by finances if they want to spin plates... nor am I. Where I live, the men who always pay for the women also always expect to be able to infantilize and patronize women. They are the men who have second wives and second families. It's an ego thin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/20 09:29 PM |
| 8 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 2/20/2020Not a red flag. Phones get lost or stolen every day. It's smart to have a passcode. You should put one on yours. But if he is trying to hide his screen from you, while he is using it, or he doesn't feel comfortable scrolling through his album when he is showing you a photo, RED FLAG. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/20 05:12 PM |
| 3 | Avoiding male content has done wonders for my life.Yes, we should be as careful about what media we consume as we are with food. So far, these things fill me with hope and Queen Energy when I am looking for affirmative energy, not rage (though rage is useful, and a normal reaction to the crap we get, we cannot rage allll the time) Would love anyone else's recs! Thanks. Any writing by Ursula Le Guin bell hooks Lily Tomlin Songs by Patti Smith IG: Guerillagirls (about art) StuartSemple (an artist who is male but he GETS IT in a true intersectional… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/20 04:10 PM |
| 6 | Avoiding male content has done wonders for my life.It would be unfounded, good luck to them! We are trying to balance out the super skewed gender ratio. I want to make it 50-50, but looking through my Netflix list/reading, it is like 90-10 in favor of male creators . | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/20 02:44 PM |
| 12 | My ex was visibly frustrated that I disregarded his existence after I ran into him at the gymMe too. He sounds abusive AF and you deserve to have your kitty. I'm in S America (assuming OP is in the US), but if I can contribute to the kitty rescue, let me know <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/20 11:28 PM |
| 15 | Avoiding male content has done wonders for my life.That makes so much sense!!! Is there a way to filter out male-gaze or male POV content? I already get a ton of male-gaze male-created blah blah crap just from existing and living my life. Not kidding, if IG, Netflix or Facebook had filters like this, I'd PAY to use them. But if anyone has even semi-usable workarounds, pls let me know <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/20 11:26 PM |
| 10 | On Moving in with a BoyfriendYeah that could work. Trips are clearly good barometers. I would definitely do a trip before cohabiting. That said, there is something to the mindset people get into once you are both on the lease. I had a 2 week trip and there were some super high stress situations, including staying in a hotel room that was only slightly larger than our bed. Insanely cramped and terrible weather made for what could have been cabin fever. He was chill and fun. He only showed his abuse after we moved in, althoug… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/02/20 01:21 AM |
| 19 | On Moving in with a BoyfriendYeah going on holiday is a bit of a substitute, I think that could work! Especially if it's a long-term holiday with high-stress situations. The reason I think it's a good idea to cohabitate is there's this weird psychological change, like they think we're 'trapped' and things are 'serious', and THEN and only then does more of their true nature come out. It's like suddenly having to deal with the mandanities of a shared utility bill, cleaning dust bunnies and seeing each other look like absolute… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/20 11:07 PM |
| 32 | On Moving in with a BoyfriendNo way you could have avoided that. Been there and done that. 99%of people have some weird shit that they do at home too. Also one bf that seemed neat and tidy turned into a giant man baby. As it turns out he was paying someone to clean his STUDIO apartment twice a week. That's how messy he was. He kept it secret. Love 99% of FDS but I disagree with this one. A guy needs to be tested for sure. Most people I know, including HV people, are different when you cohabit. But cohabiting doesn't necessa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/20 03:45 PM |
| 19 | On Moving in with a BoyfriendNo. I agree with a ton of fds but this is a road to heartbreak. 100% of abusive relationships I know didn't turn abusive until they lived together. Sadly includes 2 marriages where they didn't cohabit and now my friends are stuck legally. One of them is from a society where they never cohabit before marriage and the horrors stories are EXTENSIVE. They range from finding out their new husbands are misogynistic slobs, including one who doesn't do ANY CHORES... to being cheated on.... to being verb… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/20 03:40 PM |
| 44 | There is another part to this but I don’t know how to post multiple pics or nest pics! Maybe someone else can find this and post it the proper way in full. Anyway- this is hilarious!Genius. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/02/20 03:14 AM |
| 13 | The carecrow - let me introduce you to one of my least favorite types of LVM!THIS IS MY EX. Thank you for giving me the label. God, he was such a carecrow manbaby. He still writes an annual stalker email to ask me for coffee or wish me well, four years after he went off the rails and stalked me for months... and told everyone I cheated on him. He wrote a half apology "sorry if I made things harder for you"... Yeah, babe. Being watched by you and your buddies, having details of my comings and goings recounted back to me by YOU to show you were watching me... was soo fun. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/20 11:36 PM |
| 1 | If your gut is telling you something might be off with him, something is off.Ok. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 07:58 PM |
| 2 | If your gut is telling you something might be off with him, something is off.I have bad gut instincts. I have had bad gut instincts with my own father, my own mother. When I walk down the escalator at the subway, my gut tells me that someone is going to punch me. When my sister calls me on the phone, my first gut instinct is to shut my phone off and go to sleep at 2pm in the afternoon. My gut tells me a million crazy things every day. If you do not have this issue, then you can either choose to believe my lived experience or try to exercise empathy. Do I say women should… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 06:41 PM |
| 2 | If your gut is telling you something might be off with him, something is off.I am not attacking your belief system. I am sharing my experience with this tip and why it is not useful for me and why. Perhaps you should ask why this is such a sensitive spot for you when someone disagrees with you from a place of commiseration and helpfulness. Glad gut instincts always work for you despite anxiety. They are disastrous for me until I am able to recalibrate them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 05:40 PM |
| 3 | If your gut is telling you something might be off with him, something is off.I have anxiety. If you can't understand that my post is about gut feelings and anxiety, rather than confusing it with a general attack on your views, and being unnecessarily defensive, I don't even know why we're commenting towards each other. Like clearly you may have anxiety but you don't understand social anxiety. What can ya do, I tried... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 01:29 PM |
| 4 | If your gut is telling you something might be off with him, something is off.I've had bad gut feelings about every. Single. Person. And clearly many of them have been wrong. That is how anxiety works. I have had them for my own father (who is literally one of the best human beings I know), small kids and cuddly animals. It's great that it works for you. But for anxious people, this advice is not useful and will paralyze us. Can we recalibrate our gut? Not easy but we try. Especially since there is no way to verify instantly when any gut feeling is correct. This is why I … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 11:07 AM |
| 15 | If your gut is telling you something might be off with him, something is off.This is only true if you don't have any anxiety. As a person with anxiety, my gut tells me something is off nearly every minute of every day, and with every person I meet. If I don't ignore my gut on the regular, I'd be agoraphobic and jobess. :D | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 04:22 AM |
| 2 | HVW way to break things off with a possibly HVM?Yeah, this is exactly what I was thinking. We already broke up but we're still talking. It started off as non-flirty but old habits die hard 'cos we get a bit flirty still. I just feel very guilty and conflicted. Plus, I don't want to put more emotions into something that's got no future (we live in different countries). Like, I can't tell if: he is a maybe-HVM that was a really lovely FWB situation and nothing more, in which case it's fine. Or he is a maybe-HVM that is quite attached/into me, i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 04:01 AM |
| 4 | What are your dating dealbreakers?This is my list to a T. Well put! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 07:19 PM |
| 1 | how to deal with guys who ask for nudesOMG You're a genius :D | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 06:48 PM |
| 2 | Field Report Opinion: HV or LV?To answer your final question: he has sincerely (and repeatedly) asked if he could accompany me on my travels. That would mean thousands of USD spent so he could spend more time with me. He's nursed me when I was sick and taken up some of my interests. He cooks for me and got me little gifts. At this point, though, maybe that's just standard...? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 02:56 PM |
| 3 | Field Report Opinion: HV or LV?he raise himself to a higher standard (taking you on actual dates is a big one). I wonder if I gave the wrong impression in my description. He did plan our itinerary for each of our outings (in my post I called them dates, but also said he didn't take me on dates because I was thinking of "typical" dates)... So when he asked, "What's up with you tomorrow?" if I said I didn't have plans, he'd suggest one of his itineraries. I never had to suggest one. He had researched them and made notes, and pu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 02:52 PM |
| 1 | Field Report Opinion: HV or LV?Yes, I don't consider it a dating/pursuing situation either. Perhaps I should re-word my post. Nonetheless, my question was about whether my judgement of him as possibly HV is correct or not. Let me know what you think. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 02:40 PM |
| 2 | Field Report Opinion: HV or LV?Thanks :) I think my judgement is improving, based on the comments. He's high-ER value, sort of middling range, possibly higher, but he's "unproven" from what I can see, because I haven't given him a chance to step up too much because I've been on vacation, and haven't had any trials. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 02:38 PM |
| 2 | Field Report Opinion: HV or LV?Yeah, that's what I thought too, thanks for the validation :) My first instinct was to feel impressed but I also knew not to trust that feeling, because the guy I dated before was suuuper toxic. Of course he'd seem HV, right! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 02:32 PM |
| 1 | Field Report Opinion: HV or LV?Re: how long, I'm happy with how quickly I turn a relationship sexual. (Despite the Wiki/handbook, there has been 0 correlation (for me) between how quickly a relationship became sexual, and how well I was treated.) Yeah, I thought so too re: "bored". He explained he got tired of having to deal with his ex's narrow-minded, bigoted family. Perhaps his English isn't that great - he's French. But still, "bored" seems rather childish. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 02:30 PM |
| 3 | Field Report Opinion: HV or LV?No, I don't think he was ever a candidate for a long term relationship because we are both travellers. I mainly want to know if my assessment of him being a HV guy is correct or not. The fact that after 8 or 9 dates he wanted to change his plans to join me, really did not sit well with me is the thing. Edit: Oops, this was supposed to be a reply to a comment but I was on mobile. Thanks RiteWriter for replying to me :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/20 10:57 PM |
| 2 | She's 9 mo. pregnant, still cleans & cooks everything and is the only caregiver for their 3 kids. Hubs attended 1 doctor's appointment (out of 20) with her and doesn't even look at the ultrasounds. Make sure your contraception is IRONCLAD, women! (I personally <3 IUDs).Ugh that adds an even grosser element to it. But the OP said that he'd been that way since Day 1 of pregnancy, likely before the gender was known, who knows. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/02/20 11:57 AM |
| 14 | She's 9 mo. pregnant, still cleans & cooks everything and is the only caregiver for their 3 kids. Hubs attended 1 doctor's appointment (out of 20) with her and doesn't even look at the ultrasounds. Make sure your contraception is IRONCLAD, women! (I personally <3 IUDs).Because some users were saying maybe her hubs had doubts about the paternity of the baby (likely their infertility comes from his side), and the users said maybe that's why he was acting badly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/20 01:34 PM |
| 2 | Marriage Dynamics-- can they be broken?Thank you :) Your story gives me hope! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/20 10:06 AM |
| 2 | Marriage Dynamics-- can they be broken?I liked your other comment and was just writing a reply, so I will paste it here if that is ok? ..... That sounds quite loving honestly, thanks for sharing. When you started dating, was this d/s thing a clear interest of his? Or some facet of his personality stood out? I am asking because I have yet to meet someone who is both a HVM and sexually compatible. And sexual compatibility is honestly my top priority, but it is difficult to figure out how someone is in bed as soon in the dating process … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/20 01:14 AM |
| 5 | Fact: it's unnatural for men to not chase. The hypothalamus region associated with sexual pursuit is 2.5x larger in men than women.To clarify, I'm not trying to argue against the premise that male and female brains are structurally different. This has been solidly established. But how structure translates to function has always been unclear, and it's really complex. Even logically, just because a part of the brain is larger, does not necessarily mean the outcome is a certain behavior. (For instance, if that part of the brain primarily controls or suppresses that behavior, then larger structure might mean less of a certain b… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/02/20 04:28 PM |
| 5 | "Sexual compatibility" is a load of shitCan we not villainize people for having boundaries, preferences and individuality? A HVW has these things and recognizes them in others. An incompatible HVM tries very hard to get you off, but it doesn't work despite these efforts. Maybe he isn't turned on by the same things you are, or vice versa. Sex becomes a chore for both sides, despite being willing to put in effort. He's not selfish. He's incompatible. But if you're with a selfish man, you could be super sexually compatible (same boundari… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/20 03:51 PM |
| 6 | Reclaim Your Sex Life #KickHimOut2020Love the spirit of this... but... >Examples: Have him ____ eat his own __. Have him put a ____ up his ___. Love this as a conversation opener, but he doesn't have to follow through. If he acts offended or pissed off, kick him out. If he laughs it off like it's a complete joke and refuses to entertain it, kick him out. If he says something about "the role of a man/woman", or accuses you of something political, kick him out. (There's no time for double standards.) If he acts curious and open, or h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/20 07:28 PM |
| 13 | ''Sexual compatibility'' - for the purposes of early dating, he has ENOUGH information!Hrm... I don't agree entirely. If they are bad with any of the 3 points listed, DEFINITELY they're going to be terrible. You're absolutely right. These are minimum standards and if they don't even meet that, you're in for a terrible time. But the 3 points (which I followed earnestly and sincerely for 20 years) haven't in my experience helped me determine sexual compatibility. I've had meh and boring sex with guys who passed the 3 points with flying colors. The only patterns I've found are a bi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/02/20 07:13 PM |
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