tvtv3323 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
94	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own		tvtv3323	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 01:00 PM
1	Emotionally separating from stbxw		tvtv3323	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/23 05:45 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	Those that finalized and are on the other side. Looking back what was the worst part of the whole process for you? And I'm a guy, btw.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/09/23 10:57 PM
3	Those that finalized and are on the other side. Looking back what was the worst part of the whole process for you? Hi, I think logically. Your post said all women are like this. That is false. But that kind of talk isn't harmless - it can be very damaging to guys who are on this page hurting, but who may be hoping for a rewarding future relationship with a woman, who don't want to be alone. You said that it's not possible. And that's bullshit. It absolutely is possible. I'm calling you out so that at least one person who reads this isn't impacted by your cynicism.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/09/23 10:56 PM
3	Those that finalized and are on the other side. Looking back what was the worst part of the whole process for you? Bullshit. Sorry, but this is complete bullshit. This is more a reflection of who you are and the crap inside of you that you haven't dealt with and resolved than it is the truth. Because it's not. And if you believe you are trustworthy dude, I can guarantee you there are posts among women saying that no man is trustworthy. Does that make it true? For anyone reading thinking they will refuse to love again, deal with your personal shit from your childhood and difficult adult lives. Therapy. Journa…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/09/23 10:01 PM
2	I feel like my life is ruined forever and I just want to stop living. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So yeah, don't. You will get through this.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/09/23 11:04 PM
2	I did what you should not - "Fill your own cup first." This is what's important, well said. You have to be content with yourself on your own. Otherwise, you're going to be reaching out to a new partner to fill a personal void that you should be filling yourself. You'll be a cup with a hole in the bottom. And so they will never be enough for you, and you will think it's their fault, when it's your own. It's when two people feel content with themselves on their own, and who they are individually, that they are in a place t…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/08/23 12:14 PM
1	How are you guys able to live alone? JBL bluetooth speaker. Play your music. Sing. Dance.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/08/23 07:19 PM
3	Is Your Ex Wife Or STBXF Always In Your Head? Mindfulness exercises.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/23 01:37 AM
0	Cons vs Pros of Marriage as a Man Categorizing a wife as nothing other than someone "you used to have sex with" is just such a slanted, lazy description. And that's not even what determines alimony.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/23 05:54 PM
8	I’m All Over The Place It's like opioid withdrawal, seriously, biologically, neurologically.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/08/23 01:47 AM
2	Divorce was probably for the best. Why am I still suffering? OK, so I am less able to separate from my stbx than she has been. And with the help of a therapist, and then looking at 5 years of journaling I did about our marriage, I came to realize that my stbx has an empathy deficit. She has almost no ability to put herself in someone else's shoes and visualize what they are experiencing, for situations that she wasn't personally deeply familiar with. That was such a theme between us, it's just that only recently now I see it and can name it. A lack of "co…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/23 07:57 PM
5	I don't have the courage "I'm 64 and doomed to suffer for my remaining years." No you're not. If you do, that's your choice. You have more options than you think you do, or that you feel like you do.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/23 04:35 PM
1	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks "no one gives a fuck about men" - another generalization. Just because a woman initiates a divorce doesn't mean she "tore the family apart." Depends on why it happened, in each case. Guys who point to that statistic and make generalizations about the woman should also be generalizing that guys tend not to address problems in a marriage before it's too late. Cuts both ways, bro. I first suggested we divorce and initiated that discussion, but I didn't tear our family apart, and I don't appreciate …	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/23 03:39 PM
1	Divorce was probably for the best. Why am I still suffering? BTW you are thinking about her all the time because you used to think about her all the time and she is so integrated with your brain on a molecular level that you can't stop thinking about her. No matter how or why she left, you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms similar to opioid withdrawal - literally, chemically, it is similar. So yes, you ARE addicted. So hopefully, no contact whatsoever with her. Get rid of her photos, even if you put them in a box that you triple-wrap with packing tape.…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/23 03:29 PM
4	Divorce was probably for the best. Why am I still suffering? Do individual therapy, someone to talk with and process those emotions. Are you angry at her yet? I kept preventing myself from being angry at my stbx (and she didn't cheat, neither did I) to take "the high road," but all I did was prevent myself from going through the grieving process. I thought about all the ways that she was negligent or even cruel in our marriage. I journal almost every morning. Yesterday, I spent 2 hours writing a letter to my stbx that I will likely never send her. So help…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/23 03:27 PM
1	They never loved us Anecdotal evidence is always anecdotal evidence. A generalization is a generalization. And generalizations that women are always at fault for destroying the marriage, or that women are the shallower partner in the marriage, are destructive to people coming here who are vulnerable and hurt, and who could easily be influenced by these negative stereotypes that could end up getting in the way of them having new relationships down the road.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/23 02:37 PM
2	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks And that's pretty short-sighted to say that the one initiating the divorce is necessarily tearing the family apart. That's your bias as a guy wanting to play victim. Each circumstance is fact-dependent.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/08/23 04:30 PM
1	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks I'm in the 10%. A guy who initiated a divorce from his college-educated wife. In fairness, I suggested we divorce, which she agreed, but I broke the ice on the convo.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/08/23 04:28 PM
0	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks This page is filled with dysfunctional guys who contributed to fucking up their relationships but blame the woman for it all. Yes, your wife may be your best friend.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/08/23 05:50 AM
-2	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks To say that "wife" is the opposite of "friend" is to disclose your misogyny.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/08/23 05:48 AM
4	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks Bullshit. Your wife may be your best friend, and there is nothing wrong with that, in a healthy relationship, that's great.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/23 11:08 PM
5	Ex wife wants to meet up for a beer and talks She is lonely, and she wants you to help fill a void that she needs to figure out how to fill on her own. Maybe in 2-3 years, if she has moved on and has a healthy individual life, then sure, maybe, but it sounds too early and too unhealthy.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/23 11:08 PM
2	What’s the point? 48, 22 years, going through a divorce now as well. But I'm feeling good about the future. Very hard last 8 years for me, and I hung in their for the kids and don't regret it at all. They needed me there in the house.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/23 07:33 PM
6	What’s the point? Until they have kids, and then you're like goo-goo-gah-gah	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/23 07:32 PM
2	The last photo Anger is good. I resisted anger for a while, because I just don't like being angry and felt like it was the "high road." But with the help of a therapist, I finally realized that I was impeding the grieving process. So getting pissed about how she neglected me helped a whole lot, and it sounds like yourself did that. Just know that you can still have ups and downs, that's what I hear from guys who are farther in the divorce process or post-divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/23 01:37 PM
-1	They never loved us Good luck with that. Doesn't sound like an encouraging solution or future.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 09:32 PM
2	They never loved us If you don't figure out what your part was in causing the problems that you faced, even if your only problem was in how you chose your mate, and then work on those problems in therapy and using other resources, you're doomed to continue to make the same mistakes in future relationships. You will continue to act out of your childhood wounds like a hurt child, rather than as a mature, responsible adult. And that's exactly what I meant, and it's a 100% true. There is a reason why second marriages h…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 06:19 PM
2	They never loved us No, I am saying that you can't make generalizations about all women because of your anecdotal experiences.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 05:38 PM
3	They never loved us Nope. I understand that the failure of the marriage was due to both of us. And I can even tell you how. You guys complain how the woman never takes responsibility, but a lot of you guys sound the same. Grow up, or fail in your future relationships as well.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 05:36 PM
-6	They never loved us Nah, c'mon. Y'all just do a shit job at choosing your mates. My stbx loved me, and not for superficial reasons. We both had deep issues that caused our love for each other to not be enough.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 02:26 PM
5	They never loved us I agree, regardless of the sad cynicism on this page. My wife loved me. She also had deep personal issues that she is now only getting help for now that we are divorcing. And I loved her, and I also have deep personal issues that I'm now getting help for as we are divorcing. We loved each other, but we were too broken for that love to be enough.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 02:25 PM
4	The last photo I average 2-3 social events per week. The gym is a small gym 3 minutes away. I go to bed at a regular time. Don't sleep great, because well, divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 03:04 AM
3	The last photo At night. :) I mean, the individual therapy, group therapy, and divorce group sessions are each an hour. I do individual therapy every other week, because $$$. I spend 15 minutes in the morning journaling and 15 minutes in the abandonment book. It takes a firm commitment but not a ton of time necessarily.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/23 02:07 AM
-1	Bipolar Misogyny much? I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed. It's called being a responsible adult.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/23 09:25 PM
7	The last photo I'm not a fan of "it's not your fault" about the ending of a marriage generally because we all bear some responsibility in how the marriage turned out. But I think right now, you have to put your support system in place and your transition/recovery plan in place. You need to do that now, as you continue to grieve (which you're just starting to do). Our divorce is mutual, we have three teenagers, and I moved out (5 minutes away) a month ago. Right now, my plan at work is: individual therapy, grou…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/23 12:07 PM
4	Bipolar Totally get it. We are responsible for what comes from us. She is responsible for what comes from her. You can have empathy for her (and yourself) on one hand but still hold her to the consequences of her actions, which is to leave the marriage. The hard part is that her bipolar diagnosis is kind of her private info, so you have to be careful who you are telling what.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/23 10:42 AM
1	A year in. Hold on to hope, fellas! When I'm ready to date, I have already sworn off apps, instead focusing on friends of friends and common interest events and activities. Late 40s here, in a great, active city. Am I missing out or being naive?	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/23 03:47 PM
2	When is best time to read the upsetting emails they send us Do you need to read them? And if you do, do you need to read them by a certain time? Otherwise, you can designate Saturday morning for reading whatever emails she has sent you. Then it is early in the day and you have the weekend to live your life. My stbxw said she was doing this when I was sending her emails during a two-week period where I was hurting, after I moved out. I think that's perfectly healthy, I don't blame her. You could probably even create an email filter to send them to a f…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/23 12:49 PM
2	Rough night. In an indirect way, this one, which I'm halfway through now. This turned out to be a huge issue for me, and I think it is for many people. Childhood abandonment leading to devastation when your long-term partner leaves you - or even when you leave them, in my case. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing	/r/Divorce_Men	10/08/23 05:18 PM
4	Rough night. Focus on bettering yourself. Therapist, group therapy, divorce support group, gym/exercise, time with friends and family, daily journaling, new hobby, books on ending relationships and abandonment (I am doing all 8 right now, btw). Plus you have to think about her less. There are mindfulness exercises for this that you can find online. I use an exercise that I put together myself. And you let yourself get angry. I resisted that, and therefore I wasn't moving through the grieving process. These d…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/08/23 09:56 AM
7	Finally divorced. Was married 10 years. Am in a really good place. Happy to answer any Q's (non legal related!) After my stbx went on for 75 minutes about my failings in the marriage last week, I then asked her if she bears any responsibility for how the marriage went and turned out. She said "very little." Her only flaw - her low self-esteem allowed me to take advantage of her. (Oh, and I'm at fault for her low self-esteem.) Even though she agrees that she 95% checked out as a wife and 90% checked out as a productive human being for the last 8 years. We have three kids, and I kept things going while doin…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/08/23 06:02 PM
3	What would you do? Plus, were you raising her for her benefit - or were you raising her for yours? If you really did make a positive contribution to her upbringing, then value that. Our kids owes us nothing - step, adopted, biological, or otherwise.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/08/23 05:49 PM
2	Terrified my wife might turn into a viper LOL bro, love it. For going back a ways, it's absolutely Rush for me. I blast it in my new place now and sing it at the top of my lungs. "Each of us, a cell of awareness..." (if you know it you know it)	/r/Divorce_Men	09/08/23 03:57 PM
7	Terrified my wife might turn into a viper I get what you're saying, but I don't think so. I think my failure to respond just made her feel like I was reinforcing her points. She has a victim mentality - always has, actually, it just took me a while to see it and understand it. However, it also means that she is setting herself up to repeat her issues in the future. And that's not my problem.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/08/23 03:34 AM
10	Terrified my wife might turn into a viper Yes, my stbx laid into me for 75 minutes last week about how almost everything wrong with the marriage was my fault. I am waiting until the divorce decree is signed in a few months to respond. And, by that time, I may not feel like responding at all. Anyway, based on what she said - and how negligent she was as a wife - she wouldn't be listening anyway.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/23 09:49 PM
3	Is it even worth staying? Yeah if it's BPD, my understanding is that they can do DBT skills work, but ultimately, they can't get "well," they can only improve, perhaps.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/23 03:33 PM
2	Is it even worth staying? Yeah, you're just seeing the frequent misogeny and cynicism that we often see on this subreddit. You're right, there are great single moms and divorced women out there.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/23 03:32 PM
3	Is it even worth staying? Every time it happens, even if it doesn't get "worse," it gets worse for your mental health and your sense of security. So it has actually been getting worse - for you.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/23 03:31 PM
3	Thoughts on 6 y/o left home alone? If the child is not old enough to know what do to in case of a fire, and have the maturity to be able to do that, they are not old enough to be left alone. I know some may consider that to be helicopter parenting, but that was absolutely our standard and I think it's the responsible one.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/23 02:33 PM
3	Two years final.......some hope to those in the suck right now. I needed exactly this right now, bro. Thank you.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/23 10:46 AM
6	Do I acknowledge her birthday? Yep. She no longer qualifies as a person to whom you go out of your way to wish a happy birthday.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/08/23 03:33 AM
1	Emotional advice for someone who was still invested Awesome, I hope it works for you. I've already done it probably a dozen times today, and I feel so much more settled, present, and at peace, than if I hadn't. Been doing it for about 2 weeks now after having a terrible time moving out of our house.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/23 08:34 PM
9	Emotional advice for someone who was still invested I totally get it and relate. To deal with this, I developed this mindfulness exercise to get back to the present moment when I start ruminating on my stbx or the thought of her meeting up with a guy that she has been talking to. I stop and close my eyes and focus on my breathing for about 20 seconds, and then at the same time will touch something near me with the thumb and index finger of my right hand like the tail of my shirt or a bottle that's in front of me and I will focus on the texture an…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/23 07:10 PM
2	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own And it was 21 years for me, too. And I care about her and wish her well, but I don't think she'll fare well going forward when she can't see it.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/23 02:11 AM
2	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own Great to hear, bro! Welcome to the rest of your life.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/08/23 02:10 AM
7	Just a speculation. You both deserve happiness, but she also deserves the consequences of her actions and decisions. We will see what they may be. Sorry about the pain, dude. I'm in pain from my pending divorce, and there was no cheating. I can't imagine what you guys go through.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/23 08:24 PM
2	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own Congratulations on getting through it, my friend! Stronger now indeed.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 08:20 PM
10	What makes marriage successful? Sorry this is bullshit. Cynical guys on Divorce_Men. To answer your question, OP, what makes a marriage successful is two people who are honestly and genuinely willing to look at themselves and do the work necessary to make changes to be a better person for themselves and a better partner in the marriage. If only one person is willing to do this, then the marriage is doomed to be unsuccessful.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 07:03 PM
2	What is wrong with me? Has everything been aired out in joint counseling? Has she done or is she willing to individual counseling? Is she aware, or has she had a clear chance to become aware, of the effect she is having on you? Have you done individual counseling? Lots of questions I have here. I get the idea of wanting to stay together to prevent the insane pain of jealousy. But if that's the reason you are staying together, then you're just delaying the inevitable. If you guys haven't really worked on things using p…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 06:25 PM
-1	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own From one of your other recent comments: "You don’t have to be a cynical bastard like myself, but for fuck sake, stop being a door mat." So you are cynical.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 05:22 PM
-2	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own Bro. OMG. Bro. Get help.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 05:18 PM
9	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own This is absolutely true. My sister has been trying to beat this into my head as I've been transitioning out of the marriage. A few days ago, after listening to my stbx go on for 90 minutes about how much I hurt her in the marriage, I asked her what responsibility she had in how our marriage went and ended, and she paused for about 5 seconds, then said "very little." For over 85% of the days between September 2015 and January 2022 (when we decided to divorce), she spent the majority of the daylig…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 05:12 PM
4	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own OMG I'm so glad I'm not living my life with such a dark attitude. I'm not trying to dig at you, bro, but man, that would suck. You have to wonder how much of your bad experiences with women are due to you, and not just them. I doubt that you were a perfect, whole, healthy person when you became an adult, who simply got damaged by bad women. You sound like a broken person who doesn't know how to select healthy partners and engage in a healthy relationship. Just my observations, but I would doubt …	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 05:07 PM
5	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own Well, I don't share your view. I'm not that cynical, and I don't believe it's accurate, either. I know too many good women to agree with you. My sister is just one example.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 04:54 PM
6	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own I literally did probably 10-20x the acts of service for my stbx than she did for me. It was one of the most glaring discrepancies in the marriage. Part of me as an empath enjoyed knowing that she was enjoying everything I did for her - getting her Starbucks, making her favorite meal (she doesn't cook), giving her back and foot rubs, etc. etc. insane etc. And that's healthy and fine. The hard part is that deep down, I was craving her reciprocating in kind to any meaningful degree. And that never …	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 04:51 PM
3	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own Actually, my stbx could have used a heck of a lot more encouragement when she was younger. She had a tough childhood, as so I sympathize with her. She may have diagnosable Borderline Personality Disorder. But my sympathy doesn't change anything I said in my post.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 04:26 PM
4	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own I have two siblings that are in strong, happy long-term marriages. So it is not necessarily reality, and I'm responding again so that your cynicism can't pollute the minds of other guys on this page who might crave that type of relationship in the future as well.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 04:24 PM
2	You can't have a successful relationship with someone who doesn't know how to be happy and content with themselves on their own I disagree. I think choosing a partner for marriage when you're young and don't really know your own self very well is a pretty risky endeavor. At this age, I know myself very well, and I'll be dating women who are the same. I'm absolutely open to a second marriage, and I have no qualms about that, but to get there, I have to work on (and am working on) my own flaws that contributed to the failure of my first marriage. Gotta remember that this is r/Divorce_Men, where you are inherently going to …	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 03:09 PM
3	Second marriage ending after only 2.5 years. What happened, OP, is that between your first and second marriage, you didn't address your deficits that probably contributed on your end to the failure of your first marriage. It happens. Life is both the dress rehearsal and the performance. I hope instead of beating up on yourself too much, you use this as an opportunity to get some professional assistance - individual therapy, group therapy, divorce support group, etc. - to understand why this happened twice (even if it's in how you're select…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 12:51 PM
0	I do not want to save this marriage, and I married for ONLY the wrong reasons Dude, my sister is one of those women. Solid marriage to a great guy. Your life dude, Ima gonna go enjoy the fairer sex.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/23 06:43 PM
-1	I do not want to save this marriage, and I married for ONLY the wrong reasons I think you may have more issues and baggage than I do, my impression. It really makes a difference in how you view life, and people. You should look into that, and get a brighter and more optimistic outlook. Late 40s, going through a divorce, and I know myself quite well now, and a woman who I date in the future will know me well because I am open and genuine. I will find a woman like that, too. And it will be great.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/23 04:16 PM
1	I do not want to save this marriage, and I married for ONLY the wrong reasons Nah. That's not correct. I will say that marriage is risky when you're making such a crucial life decision when you're young, before you don't really know who you are. But marriage can be great under better circumstances.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/23 02:56 PM
2	Just got back from dropping my kids off at my stbx place and I’m already bawling my eyes out Bro, thanks for sharing that, and you definitely, definitely do have abandonment pain. And it doesn't have to be triggered by someone abandoning you, just the separation and loss of the warmth of family, and not being together with your kids, triggers the deep feeling of abandonment. It doubles, triples, or even quadruples the natural pain and loss you feel as a dad not being with his kids. Plus, what sucks about losing your long-term partner (now that your dad has passed) is that you lose your …	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/23 01:51 PM
3	Just got back from dropping my kids off at my stbx place and I’m already bawling my eyes out I was at that moment 3 weeks ago. It's terrible, just absolutely terrible. That first moment I was officially living away, I couldn't stop crying. I had to go back over that same night to see my boys right away. But then I was walking into a house that was no longer my home, but where my family was living their lives, and I would repeatedly have to sneak to the bathroom and sit in the tub and cry. It was like that for days. Just shit man, it's terrible. I would keep watching the clock until it w…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/23 03:50 AM
2	Just had a thought after reading the "wait at least one year until after divorce to date" I think perhaps that "rule" might be better phrased: Wait until one year after the messiest parts of the divorce process die down.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 11:08 PM
8	Soon to be ex moving on to other partners You have to stop thinking about her, and "them". It is that hard, but that simple. I use a mindfulness exercise for this, that I made up. Whenever I start thinking about her and somebody else, unless I'm driving, I close my eyes and start focusing 100% on my breathing. I also start touching my clothes or something nearby and feeling the texture in my hand and focus on that texture as well. Brings me to the present moment. I do that for about a minute, again, focusing on my breathing if my though…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 10:57 AM
13	This is probably the worst kind of relationship there is I probably did 15-20x the acts of service for my stbx that she did for me. Perhaps more. It's mind blowing. Sadly. it's a love language for me. Yet she accepted it all as if it was merely the bare minimum, to which she was automatically entitled, and I desperately wanted her to reciprocate at least somewhat in kind. I was starved for love, and she was absolutely self-absorbed. Can't wait for a gf one day who gives me back rubs too, who runs her fingers through my hair too, who goes out of her wa…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 04:47 AM
6	I am confused with my life, divorce, mariage and hook ups According to one statistic for the US, 67% of second marriages end in divorce. With all due respect OP, you sound like you will easily fall within the 67%. I hear shit all over the place in your post that suggests to me that whatever role and responsibility you had in the failure of your first marriage, you've barely if at all addressed it and worked on it so that you don't repeat that shit in your future relationships. This is just my impression from your post, but I don't think I'm off on this…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 04:43 AM
2	Need advice on potential divorce Plus individual.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/07/23 04:45 PM
1	Need advice on potential divorce OP the loss of family that you will encounter will likely be extremely painful. Yes, sometimes you have to end it, but that's what you have to end it. I think a lot of folks here aren't feeling like you are actually to that point, regardless of how you are feeling.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/07/23 04:44 PM
2	Was it a waste? What is this feeling? Hey, maybe try this book for starters. You will get valuable stuff from it. That abandonment feeling is real as shit, bro. Much love to you. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/23 07:53 PM
1	What should I prepare before filing for divorce? Check out what I posted a few weeks ago, about getting a support system in place. Divorce is tough and the feelings and experiences are unpredictable. Getting a support system in place	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/23 07:48 PM
3	Was it a waste? What is this feeling? Amen, brother. I had a painful marriage for a long time, but I have handled it all with dignity and am about to start a great rest of my life. No regrets.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/23 06:37 PM
3	Was it a waste? What is this feeling? I do a mindfulness exercise to redirect my thoughts when I start thinking about my stbx. You really do have to stop thinking about her.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/23 06:33 PM
3	Was it a waste? What is this feeling? Don't discount the possibility that you are feeling abandonment. It's a deep thing, and most people can be triggered on this. I kept a journal from 2017-2022 about how hard it was managing a wife who spent most of the day in bed and didn't take responsibility for it. It is a painful read, and no one who reads it would believe the I should stay with her. We decided in January to divorce (I initiated), but didn't tell the kids until June. I officially moved out on July 10, and at the moment I was …	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/23 06:32 PM
7	Was it a waste? What is this feeling? It's called monkey branching.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/23 06:25 PM
1	Why do I keep trying? My stbx and I agreed to work on the friendship. Ultimately, I don't think that was healthy or feasible, but I was genuinely trying when started dialing down her humanity to me to zero, to the point where I was just a thing that she had to tolerate because we have kids together.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/23 04:54 AM
1	Tell Me To Let Go Already She has a lot of growing up to do before she can be in a successful relationship. She needs to do that growing up on her own. What Lumpbuttcat (!) said is 100% right, even if it hurts. I get it about the family, and you will feel enormous loss of the family warmth that you have felt until now, and fear for the future. But she was a tornado that came crashing through your marriage, and you will now have to rebuild, she has given you no choice. And lastly I will say that my parents divorced when I…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/07/23 02:22 PM
3	Divorce... only 29 I will say this, as someone in his 40s going through a relatively amicable divorce, with teenage children and no cheating - I would advise you to do a post-mortem with a good therapist. There were probably red flags with her when you two were dating that you didn't see, but maybe felt. Us guys always had at least some responsibility in how the marriage turned out, even if it was in how we picked our mate. And figuring that out and addressing that issue and improving it will be important to not…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/07/23 01:56 PM
1	Emotionally separating from stbxw Best to you too, my friend. One thing I have been doing is referring to her by a different name in my head that rhymes with her name, to help me feel that she isn't the person that i knew for 20 years. I have been doing some mindfulness exercises as well, to redirect my thoughts when I start to think of her meeting with this guy. Looking for other techniques too.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/23 06:52 PM