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yosemitesam00 Archive

View 0 posts and 181 comments by yosemitesam00 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

A woman reaching out to an ex looking for red-flags is in of itself a red-flag. More and more I live by the saying, "don't complicate your life and then make excuses for it".
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 02:14 PM
1

So MO has institutionalized peonage. Got it. Not that I'm ever getting married again, but this is useful information none the less. Sorry you're being subjected to this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 02:52 PM
2

Right, just a cautionary tale from someone whose divorce was the poster child of the hellscape horror stories you can read here. Another comment from you here, you said it feels disingenuous or something along those lines. If that's how you feel, follow your gut. You can do that tactfully.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:50 PM
2

You mention "soon to be" ex. I would caution you to stay aware and be ready for "amicable" to change.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:35 PM
7

If divorce is eminent, don't concern yourself with the ways of your ex. Carry on and you do you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 03:32 AM
22

If you don't have children you need to communicate about, block and delete.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 05:07 AM
16

I can breathe again, I don't have to walk on egg shells constantly, and I have a say on how I run my life. I'm investing in my future and not treated like an atm anymore. I'm finding myself again and getting into the best shape of my life. I'm better, and happier, and my kids get to benefit from that too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 02:46 AM
2

Same. I filed and have no regrets but should've done it much sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 04:52 AM
6

What I did was the following. - place to live - finances, budget - therapist - volunteer work - gym, eat healthy - men's group through my church Divorce was finalized end of last year, dropped 100 lbs, found a great support group, helped out with charities, advanced my career, found (finding) myself again. Keep your head up, and your mind clear. You'll get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 05:19 AM
1

You need to ignore your family and anyone else (especially other women) who are trying to get you to out her needs, her emotions, or her life ahead of your own. You are divorced. OP, this. Forget all the "muh mother of the child" BS. Everything is secondary to you first, and then your child. I phrase it that way because if you're not solid, you can't be the best for the kid. You can be thankful for those doing this because they're showing you who they are. Move forward accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 03:34 PM
2

What you're experiencing is common. That doesn't lessen the immediate impact of it all but maybe it'll give you some solace in that others have seen the same or similar. Take it one thing at a time. You'll get to the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 02:15 PM
5

Or you could be sure and don't cohabitate. ;)
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 03:18 AM
6

Getting married "for love" in 2025 is foolish. Marriage is a business/life decision, and too few people understand this. This was the original reason for marriage, a combining of two families to increase wealth and resources. Seems the societal perspective has changed, but the legal realities have not.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 03:00 PM
12

It's a paper trail. Don't look too far into it. That said, you should be doing the same.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 03:28 AM
2

"this too shall pass". Hopefully you have 24 hours sober now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 02:56 AM
3

You're not crazy, this is another version of the same playbook many on this sub have experienced. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. It's going to be a bumpy ride from the sounds of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 04:12 AM
1

You have an amazing opportunity to restructure your life and surroundings in the way you see fit. You may not see this yet, and that's alright. Sit with it, recognize what's going on in you, and then forge your new path. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 03:10 AM
3

Is waiting a year to file a requirement for your jurisdiction? If not, just file and get it done with.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 03:26 PM
5

Sounds similar to my situation, I WFH and I'm a relatively high earner, so it was more about fairness vs ability. If you stop paying altogether 20 that will likely reflect poorly on you. And if your stbx is high conflict like mine was, you'll end up paying for a bunch of emergency motions. That could still happen if you continue to pay. There is nothing wrong with you taking back the reigns, @and enforcing a budget. Yes she'll stomp and scream and throw a fit. The fact is you're splitting your i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:45 PM
3

I go back and forth on this. I left when I was alerted to the fact she was going to call the cops and file a false DV claim. The cons - it did give her the bulk of time with the kids initially and she tried to leverage that as "status quo". The pros - It gave me my space I needed to work on myself, order my life as I wanted and to plan for what I wanted to see the future be. In the end, bailing out of the marital home had benefits that far outweighed the downsides. Being able to get out of the c…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 03:07 PM
4

My divorce was a long, hard thing. Getting into therapy was helpful because it was an objective, neutral third-party to bounce things off of. Coming out of the marriage with my ex was a proper mind melt. Post divorce I've tapered off and have learned a lot about myself and tools on dealing with my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 03:45 AM
5

Waters have calmed, I'm on a solid routine with the youngest kids. Got to hold my second grand child for the first time the other day. 15 more lbs to go to meet my goal (down 100 lbs so far), lifts are going up. Gotten two raises and a promo since the decree was signed. Up for another promo next year. I'm in a good headspace and generally positive all around. Automated all my investing and making serious progress on that now. Will zero out all remaining debt with the sale of the house and have a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 02:17 AM
3

Find a lawyer before filing. This needs to be planned not some ad-hoc fumbling like you're about to embark on. I googled, read reviews and had consults. I picked the attorney that I felt had the best "consultative approach" based on my experience and I was fortunate to pick well. Do your homework first and choose an attorney that meshes well with you. You're going to have to be paying this person potentially a lot of money, and discuss things around very personal situations. You need to feel goo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 12:34 PM
1

She doesn't call the shots on when you go to the marital house, or when/where you see your children. Leaving the house without a parenting plan can backfire on you because of "status quo".
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 02:56 AM
2

Find a local AA or Celebrate Recovery if you're religious. You need to focus on you, you are worth fixing for yourself, then anyone else secondarily. Speaking as someone who has destroyed their life, had to restart multiple times, and almost killed themselves because of addiction (18 years clean and sober now), you can do this. Find a group, get a sponsor, do your "90 in 90", take it a day at a time. You need to fix you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 12:42 PM
1

Bout 100 bucks. Basically what I paid for it. I would've sold it for whatever...
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:26 AM
1

Same, tungsten ring, was nice, sold it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:11 AM
2

Shouldn't have to hide anything as gifts and inheritance aren't marital assets. But I wouldn't go announcing it either.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 08:24 PM
12

Don't say a word, to anyone. in fact I wouldn't have even posted about it here. Pay off your debts. Invest the remaining.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 01:31 PM
11

Not to beat a dead horse, do not leave the house. She can bounce, you stay, keep the kids there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 02:10 AM
1

Take this as a "ribbing" from another guy who has his own fair share of a series of comically unfortunate choices. My guy, you need to stop thinking or brainstorming and find a trusted third-party to help you. Cause your picker/chooser is all out of alignment right now. Find a neutral party to sell the house. And the courts will attempt to divide all assets and debts between the two of you. Moving those around can be bargaining chips. Eg. You take this debt and I'll take that one.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 01:49 PM
10

That law changed in 2019. I'm paying 60k a year in "maintenance"... and I can't deduct it, and she doesn't have to claim it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 04:58 PM
10

I view it in the vein of "keep your friends close but your enemies closer", or opposition research. Which ever fits the bill. I'm always glad when a large portion of a demographic tells you who they really are. Makes my job and decisions easier.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 08:52 PM
13

I've come to accept that given my personal network, friends, colleagues, and my career, getting involved with a woman is only assuming an undue risk at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:01 AM
3

Yep, np. Just went thru this. FHA loans are assumable, many of the other loan types available are not. I didn't want to wait for my share of the equity so I pushed for the sale of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 11:17 PM
7

If it's an assumable loan and current she can take over it, and it'll be all hers. If it's not an assumable loan she'll have to refi it in her name.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 11:10 PM
2

Service providers don't store the contents of messages, only the transactions.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 04:19 AM
2

Consult a tax professional. In my experience, it doesn't matter, separated or not. You can file jointly or married but separate. Head of household there are requirements to fulfill first. Edit: file whatever is more advantageous for you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:38 AM
2

So, what my attorney told me when I asked him about slander/defamation charges for my ex. "Not every crime needs to be prosecuted". I think that saved me a lot of money and mental stress.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:48 PM
3

Well, I avoided the false TRO because she posted online that she was going to have the cops come pull me out of my own home. My attorney advised me to vacate so we wouldn't have to deal with some BS criminal charge in addition to everything in the divorce case. Everything else just collapsed under its own weight at trial. Took 3+ years to get there but it finally ended. My kids as well started seeing that things weren't adding up. I did my best to not discuss anything with them, they're smart an…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:34 PM
2

Yes. Not only did she lied to everyone around her, but she bought in to her own lies. All of which came crashing down in trial.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 03:18 PM
3

This is why my divorce took so long, and cost so much. I demanded 50/50 custody and she wanted full custody. Do not settle here, no matter the cost.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:35 AM
8

My divorce cost me over 200k. In the end I got everything I wanted and I have my kids back in my life. I would pay a million for that if I had to. It was a long drawn out process that started near the beginning of the "bug". Went to trial, she made an absolute fool of herself and got her butt handed to her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 12:30 AM
4

I'm an outlier I guess. I included all of my ex's slanderous social media posts that I could get my hands on as evidence in my trial. The judge specifically called out the posts as part of the ruling and said if they continued my ex would lose all custody. I ended up getting everything I asked for. I could've filled charges for slander and defamation but didn't. I just wanted to end the hellscape and move on. There's lots that still needs to change in this regard but my attorney said he's seen a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 04:13 AM
7

Hot take - dead bedrooms (telling you you're roommates henceforth) are just as much of a violation of the marriage contract as extra marital affairs. Go no contact as much as possible, and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 02:50 AM
10

Don't complicate your life. You've recognized the red flags, act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 08:50 PM
12

What I'll say won't register with you, and that's OK. Totally expected at this stage. Do the best you can to process this. You will be fine in the end. You're going to feel like you're drowning more so than you do now before it gets better, but you ultimately have two choices at this point. You can let this swallow and ruin you. You can get your head screwed on as best as possible at the moment and use this as an agent of change for you and your child. The best thing you can do is sit with and r…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 03:15 PM
4

OP is the one being financially abused. The sooner he realizes it and acts on that, the better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 02:13 AM
9

I was making almost double what you are during my marriage. It took a long time to get there, but you know what? My ex always found a way to spend the money before it ever hit the bank account. This won't end, not until you put your foot down. Have a budget and stick to it. Give her a stipend of sorts of you must. Take control of the situation and your mental health will better immediately. Go open an account only you have access to, redirect your paycheck there, sit down and tell her how it's g…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 01:20 AM
10

I filed, the divorce process was brutal and lasted almost three years. I have not one regret. My life is exponentially better now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 03:39 AM
3

Mine was due to my ex being highly contentious on everything, and me refusing to accept anything less than 50/50 custody. She was pro-se so definitely wasn't attorney's colluding. Her self representation also added to the amount of time it took because she didn't know what she was doing. Edit: but yes, family court is a scam.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 07:31 PM
1

Finished mine just shy of 3 years and I'm around 150k. Got everything I wanted so I'm ok with it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 07:18 PM
4

Marital assets and debts are divided equally. 401k's are assets.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 04:42 PM
2

140k roughly. This was over a three year span in a highly contested divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:21 AM
5

Don't invite the government to meddle in your personal affairs more than you absolutely have to.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 04:22 AM
1

RP and Mindpump are my two go-to YT channels.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 12:34 AM
7

Trial sucks, ain't gonna lie. But, I had the same accusations thrown at me etc, and I was able to tell my side, and she had to sit there and listen. It was cathartic. I was only expecting "every other weekend" because of the BS she pulled for the temp orders, but I got 50/50 custody which I'm happy with. Will be hoping the best for you and that you'll get a decision in one day so you don't have to have this linger over the weekend. Edit: Yes, I've been there. You're almost done. Keep at it for y…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 04:02 AM
3

It's going to last as long as you allow it to. I would find some therapy because your post has a co-dependant tone to it. Consider getting out there and volunteer for something/someone that has no way to pay you back. Getting outside yourself and helping others in spite of the pain you're feeling helps put things in perspective. A couple things that worked for me, your milage may vary.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 07:01 PM
8

The online character assassination campaign was great enough by my ex that the judge put in my decree that my ex failed to understand how much it affected the relationship and would affect the kids if they saw the posts, and that if she continued, she would lose custody. Not everything needs to be prosecuted. Meaning is this causing actual harm like preventing a promo, causing a demotion, or is it just annoying AF? If you have a situation like mine, you're damn sure I'm keeping tabs on that. But…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:26 PM
3

It can get expensive, and the judge may get pissed off at you for bringing up stuff that they really don't care about. In the end the judge is concerned with breaking the contract. That means equal distribution of property and debts. There are other factors, but talk to your lawyer about how much value it's going to bring or whether they feel the judge cares about it or not.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 01:16 PM
6

Alternate perspective, in the end, me leaving had no bearing on the final custody order. It never came up once. I left under the advertisement of counsel and to protect my career from a false DV claim. I did however lose out on three years of daily interaction with my children, and have some deprogramming to work through. I now have 50/50 custody. That said, don't leave the house. She can kick rocks.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 01:59 AM
4

You have to get to a place where you like yourself. Being comfortable in your own skin is key. Arguably a equal portion of the issues in my marriage was because I was depressed and didn't like myself. I see all that now in hindsight. Having a wife who was insufferable, and would use anything that comes out of your mouth as ammunition to either fight you or Gaslight you later on and having to walk on eggshells all the time certainly didn't help it either. Keep working on yourself, stay sober and …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:31 PM
3

Big nope there buddy. Carry on and don't pay her no mind.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:31 AM
2

Alimony for 4 years of marriage? You might have to pay something for a year or two, but I'd check if your state/locality uses the premise of alimony or spousal maintenance. Those are two very different things in practice and not just synonyms.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 06:09 PM
3

The temp orders, which came from an "emergency filing" filing from the ex was the basement floor of parenting time, ended up having nothing to do with the final decree. The final decree and custody arrangement was the best case situation for me. I went from having the "silver bullet" attempted to be used and every other weekend for parenting time, to 50/50 with a very real possibility of 100% if the ex didn't stop her bullshit. Edit: In terms of CS, I'm paying the basic amount for my state, and …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 01:43 PM
2

Assume everything, outside of gifts or inherited items, obtained or earned during the marriage will be split down the middle. Edit: The percentages of what is split and by how much can be used as bargaining tools. Everything is negotiable until it isn't or has been given to the person in a black robe to decide.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:08 PM
6

Most of my adult children had "come around" right after separation. One wasn't around the marital home as much and his mother poisoned that well. The young ones are navigating it as best as they can, but have picked up on the differences between their mother and I and question the blatant hypocrisy with her. Edit : I realize it's not the answer to your question, but it's been a mix for me I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 01:57 AM
1

Slow meaning it took almost three years years to finally get into trial on my highly contested divorce. Now that trial is finally done, I'm waiting for a ruling to be delivered. I'm frankly shocked there's a hearing so close to the date you were served.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 05:15 PM
3

@OP, you need to be a good partner to yourself first. To me, it sounds like you're in a place where I was very much at when I separated from my ex. I didn't like myself,and that needs to change. You have the freedom and need to give yourself the permission to, chase and accomplish your own goals. Be selfish for a while and focus on you and the rest will follow.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:23 PM
4

Posted this here couple years ago at the start of my mess... playlist I came up with through the first year of separation waiting for trial. Looking back on it the songs kinda map out to how I was doing at the time I added songs. Epiphany #Staind The Thrill Is Gone #B.B. King How You Remind Me #Nickelback November Rain #Guns N' Roses Should I Stay or Should I Go - Remastered #The Clash It's Been Awhile #Staind MONSTERS #Shinedown Behind Blue Eyes #The Who Devil #Staind Outside #Staind With A Lit…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:57 AM
2

Not sure what's the best per-se. You can buy them online, or probably at places like CVS. You get the samples (swab of the cheek most likely) and send it into a lab. Home kits were one to two hundred dollars USD last I checked. Or buy a test at a local lab perhaps? The latter likely being the highest quality I would presume if there's one around where you live.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 01:41 AM
33

If I were you, I'd get another round of HIV tests done to reduce the chances of false positives. Secondly, get a DNA test done on the 4 yr old.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 07:16 PM
6

Any debt is communal debt. Communal money can be used to pay off communal debt. Just say'n...
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 02:16 AM
2

Agreed. Just pointing out humans in general are capable of doing bad shit. Largely, women get a pass until their true colors come shining through. But by that time, it's too late to course correct.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 12:17 AM
2

I've realized what my ex did was something they're all capable of This, doesn't mean they will, but they're all capable of... Same thing can be said for both sexs, being aware is key, and act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 04:29 PM
28

Because I will not be beholden to an institution that incentivizes women to break a contract and run off with half of my life and accomplishments.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:44 AM
1

She wants me out of the house soon, very soon, Do. Not. Leave. Don't do it. Not without a signed parenting agreement, you are in physical danger, or like in my case, an attorney advises you to. and wants 100% custody She can want in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills first. Just no... 50:50, do not settle for less. I also can't take my kids to summer vacation with me as she doesn't trust me yet You do not need her permission. As a parent, you have the same rights she does. Start…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:14 AM
3

Get a lawyer, file. And she did leave and we both agreed that it was best of the kids go with her to her parents house for the weekend. Fuck this. The kids stay with you and she can bounce. She's got two years of planning ahead of you. You were manipulated and she's establishing "status quo"... Don't fall for the "kids are better with the mother" BS.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 04:36 PM
1

I am 99% certain that she is not monkey branching or has anything to do with another guy. Not saying she is my guy, but I would still be very suspect... https://www.medicaldaily.com/back-plan-half-women-relationships-have-plan-b-man-they-can-run-away-305186
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 10:55 PM
8

Given she's cheated, and shown she'll lie about who impregnated her, have you considered getting a paternity test on all the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 07:50 PM
6

She is no longer the person you knew. Do not beg or grovel. It won’t work. @OP do not sleep on this seemingly innocuous statement. She is not the woman you first met, she is not the woman you married. Do not fall on your sword to make things easier for her or try to "win" her back.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 05:08 PM
1

I had to switch churches a few years ago for that same reason. Great place, great people, just a much older demographic and wasn't really meeting my needs in that regards.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 05:42 PM
1

I've found that men's groups through my church to be a fantastic way to start growing a circle of people. Your story sounds very familiar to mine... I had essentially alienated myself from the world to support a spending habit that was (still is) untenable by my stbx. Worked insane hours, and basically hid in my work to get away from the chaos she created. I now have a group of men that all consistently met up, and there's a support structure there. We also do BBQ, fishing etc or volunteer work …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:20 PM
2

If it was opened during the marriage, it's communal property. Go into the bank with a letter from your lawyer and put yourself on it. Edit: if it was hers before you were married, you should have a restraining order once you file stating that money can't be spent.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 05:57 PM
1

I don't know... Shame ended up being the motivation I needed after an injury to lose 100 lbs... Worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 07:55 PM
1

@OP dude you have just described the past three years of my life. Main differences are I live in a single-party consent state and the judge in my case has let the mask slip about the fact they're not impressed with my stbx at all. All I can suggest is, play the long game. Do all communications via txt or email. And only discuss things immediately about the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 07:43 PM
6

No. You'd only have to cover children if you have any.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:23 AM
1

Same.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 06:21 PM
5

Yep, pay 50% of your gross from your net, and no write offs. Make that make sense....
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 06:18 PM
2

When sleeping next to the woman who is supposed to be your companion and compatriot in life, and the constant rejection makes you doubt yourself, wonder what's wrong with you, and you start loathing yourself, it's time to go. If only I would've listened to myself earlier, I would've saved myself years of agony. But I was trying to "stick it out" in hopes it would get better and for the kids. Ultimately I didn't 'leave" because of dead bedroom itself, but it was a major factor in the decision to …
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 02:07 AM
1

Roughly the same age here, lost 85 lbs over the past year. For me, I find the clarity of mind that I've had on a ketogenic diet to be key. I went with a meat heavy, whole food approach and have made significant strides in my physical health, with my therapist and in my career. My own anticdotal story from my corner of the internet. Your milage may vary.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 08:44 PM
2

"No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It's an excellent read.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 03:28 AM
5

I finally got my dog back because he started ripping shit up when I wasn't in the house anymore. Edit: stick to what's in black and white. If she leaves the dog for 30 days, it's yours.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 12:20 AM
13

Speaking as someone who has 16 years clean and sober, 9 weeks is still very fresh. Good start but she has a ways to go to solidify herself in her sobriety. Proceed with caution. Edit: I'm not encouraging you to get back with her but more of a cautionary tale if you're on the edge. I would want to see a year or two before considering anything. You may not want to wait that long. If that's the case, do what's best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 05:38 PM
6

Same here. I've always been in the introvert side of things, which is quite the opposite of my career, but having a place that's mine that I can go to recharge is key to my wellbeing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:42 AM
13

She can move, the kids stay with you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:41 AM
3

I've had att and tmo, android phones only, and there's no way to view the contents of the messages on the service provider end without a warrant, only the to/from and time. If Verizon or any other providers allow this I would drop them immediately. If you've filed, often you will have orders preventing you from canceling a service like this but there's nothing preventing you from moving to your own plan.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 02:35 AM
6

Nothing good will come from you going back and getting sloppy seconds as the guy she "settled for". Always remember this: "It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship."
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:23 AM
3

Operational Security.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/24 11:10 PM
1

Beyond done, stuck in family law purgatory with trial being this summer after 2+ years of waiting on court dates.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 11:18 PM
5

You've been spying on my former life. Lmao
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 09:16 PM
32

I have a successful career, beautiful children, a handful of lifetime best friends, a pastor, counselor, lawyer and accountant that I have in my life. After my divorce I find very little that a woman can bring me outside of sex that I don't already have trusted people in their domains of expertise in my life. For me the cost to benefit ratio is so far imbalanced in the wrong direction I see no reason to introduce the risk of a relationship with a woman again. I'll just be the best dad for my kid…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 12:01 AM
1

"children"... She claims one you claim the other? Or divide them up in some way...
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 06:25 AM
9

My advice, don't complicate your life. I've been stuck in family law hell for three years and I would do anything to make it end. Enjoy your peace of mind, your ex sounds like nothing but trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 12:12 AM
3

Forgiving someone is many times an act for yourself as it is for the other person. Through many years of recovery, it became clear early on that resentment is like taking poison to injure the other person. Or, "step 9", make ammends when doing so won't injure yourself or others. There are times where you have to reconcile the thing internally because attempting to bridge that gap directly just isn't the thing to do. Forgive, but don't forget. Learn from the experience so it doesn't happen again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 03:16 PM
3

My ex was telling people on Facebook that she was going to call the cops on me to get a TRO because I wasn't "cooperating" when I told her I wouldn't leave the house. I did leave before she could call the cops or try to file for a TRO. Didn't say a word about me filling, and I have video from the doorbell cam of her getting served. It's beautiful.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 10:19 PM
7

I've lost 70 lbs since July and it's been so great for my own well-being. I don't care about "impressing" women either @OP, but holy shit do I just feel better. 30-40 more lbs to go and I'm looking forward to how much better I'll feel then. Self improvement has to be a selfish endeavor, you're doing only for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:46 PM
13

Friends? No. Cordial and amicable, for the kids only. Otherwise I couldn't give two shits about her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 10:58 PM
3

OP, do not ignore this. I was shell shocked three years ago when my stbx dropped this separation bullshit on me right before the holidays. Cancel family plans, announce your stbx wants a divorce as the reason and sell the house tomorrow. Edit, three years later and I'm still waiting for trial... Edit 2, do. Not. Move. Out. You'll set a "status quo" on custody and it'll be that much harder to get time with your kids later.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 10:43 PM
1

Do not react. You are in the middle of breaking a legal contract where your fate is decided by the state. Act accordingly.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 03:27 PM
2

I have a female judge. She literally laughed at my stbx's "budget" and told her she needed to reevaluate it and that she wasn't going to give her full custody. Tried mediation multiple times now, each time was bs and the last being purely a stall tactic. Trial is in July of next year.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 02:58 AM
3

Do not sleep with her. Keep it in your pants. You'll get "metoo" 'd, "believe all woman" 'd, baby trapped, or all of those in one.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 09:17 PM
2

https://www.irs.gov/newsroom/taxpayers-should-know-and-understand-their-correct-filing-status
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 08:20 PM
2

You can not change the name on the mortgage without a new loan. Unless it's an FHA loan. Then it can be transferred to a new owner with the original terms of the loan.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 01:40 AM
2

Honestly, who cares if you ruffle feathers. You have just as much right to be annoyed with nonsense as the next person.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 12:25 AM
1

Mediation has been a failure for me because my stbx is demanding full legal and physical custody, even though the judge told her she wouldn't get full custody in a temporary orders hearing and I'm not budging on 50/50. I want to be involved with my kids, she's looking for the biggest meal ticket possible. Edit: First round, impasse because of custody. Second round, she reached out at the 11th hour to propose mediation again after waiting months for trial. I foolishly agreed and it was purely a r…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 09:22 PM
5

Don't invite the government to meddle in your affairs more than absolutely nessessary. That would mean avoiding marriage under the current structure of laws.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 01:56 AM
3

6 months? Can you get an annulment?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 05:47 PM
1

There should be an option of something like, I filled because she went nuts and I had to. I didn't want this but that's were things lead to.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:21 AM
4

In my state, you have to have been a resident for 6 months. I'm going to guess she can't file in a different state without moving and living there first.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 08:01 PM
15

Things you should be doing in no particular order: Make photocopies of all important documents, put those in a secure location Remove your ex from all credit cards as an authorized user. Report all credit cards as lost or stolen so new ones must be issued. Change the passwords on all your accounts. Freeze your credit at all credit bureaus. Open a new bank account, one she has no access to. Consider getting a PO box and having all your mail forwarded to there. Get a lawyer. Get lots of sleep. Eat…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 05:04 AM
30

Groveling has never worked, and don't forget that memory because it'll prevent you from doing it again in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 12:24 AM
3

Yes, 50:50. Your son in HS really won't factor in the equation since he'll likely be 18 by the time you get divorced, assuming he's 17. However, for any other kids that aren't on the cusp of being a legal adult, absolutely.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 08:20 AM
2

Change the locks, tell her if she enters without your explicit permission for that single instance you'll have her trespassed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 03:00 AM
0

Because that's what was and is taught to boys/men. That worked in the past, but then things changed. What was taught to boys did not change. Trying to adhere to traditional values will get you screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 01:55 AM
6

Try a follow up, cc the paralegal. Else call them. Sometimes email is not the preferred method of communication.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 01:22 AM
4

"It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship." -Tomassi's iron rule #7
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 07:25 PM
11

This is the event horizon I was just discussing with a life-long friend. They were shocked, tried using some shaming tactics. Think "I can't believe you're giving up so easily" or "I would have expected you to try more", all merely for talking about how the frustration so eloquently laid out in the essay above seemed like something I might have to consider at some point. My kids are older, and this thing has been going on for 2 years now. I know I've paid my attorney 10's of thousands of dollars…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 04:59 AM
1

She still comes over occasionally just to have sex with me and i accept her every time. Stop this, like now. She tells me she loves me but is confused. No, no she doesn't. You're being played and you're going along with it. See above, stop it. I guess i just need some hard advice to know what to do next. Don't talk to her, don't touch her, don't txt her. You need to focus on you. Man the fuck up and start doing what's best for you. She's getting ran through and you're holding on to this because …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 05:35 PM
2

Can you get an annulment with only a year married? Don't get her pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:28 PM
2

Not necessarily a claim of negligence in my case, but she has put forth it as "see... I'm the sole caretaker and dad hasn't been present so I (she) should have more custody." So not an overt accusation but definitely an inference there.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 01:29 PM
3

Yes, the kids always have something new to diagnose and she gets very upset if I start poking my nose into things.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 03:32 AM
1

Don't dig through the garbage after it's been taken to the curb.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 09:26 PM
2

Joint filings would fall under the usual split of marital assets and debt. Went thru this last year, your mileage may vary, depending on local laws etc etc etc.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 09:58 PM
2

You don't "have to" file jointly. But if you already owe, you'll owe more if you file married but separate.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 09:49 PM
1

I just can't move on. This too shall pass. You're good man, focus on yourself, give yourself time to grief the loss of the relationship and you'll get to the other side of this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 05:42 PM
1

@op Question, why do you think that you need to move out?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 10:19 PM
4

playlist I came up with through the first year of separation waiting for trial. Looking back on it the songs kinda map out to how I was doing at the time I added songs. ​ Epiphany #Staind The Thrill Is Gone #B.B. King How You Remind Me #Nickelback November Rain #Guns N' Roses Should I Stay or Should I Go - Remastered #The Clash It's Been Awhile #Staind MONSTERS #Shinedown Behind Blue Eyes #The Who Devil #Staind Outside #Staind With A Little Help From My Friends #Joe Cocker What It Takes/Hidden I…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 02:44 AM
1

66 mustang, 351 Cleveland shoehorned in there. 4-speed top loader, sportsman's tub with 4.11:1 gears. You'll pull mid to low 12's in the quarter all day without breaking a sweat. I had back in the day and it was a blast. After I finalize my divorce, I'll be looking to build another.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 09:01 PM
1

Thanks. One bright spot is, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. , They'll see through the BS given time and a consistent alternative story through your actions. It won't be lost on them that mom says one thing, but dad does the opposite.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 02:21 PM
2

There's so many parallels with what I've seen going through for the past two years, with the exception of a mass social media blitz... Things that come to mind as I read this: - Record everything you can - write / journal everything. Include date, times, activities and who was present. This has multiple benefits. You get to "download" a lot of stress and you'll have a record that's admissible in court. - be there for the kids. Be consistent about it - ignore her shit, it's a trap - FOIA request …
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 05:47 AM
23

I heard someone put it this way, imagine your an HR person and you're hiring a person. During the interview you discover they've had 40 jobs in the past several years. Would you still hire them?
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 12:40 AM
2

Make your own plan. Have your lawyer review and make necessary revisions. This was my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 01:05 AM
2

Over the last couple days and after alot of her talking about what I did wrong and how I drove her to this I hope you see and understand what utter horseshit this is. Gaslighting 101 by a narcissist. Make sure you feel guilty for their fucked up actions.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 10:00 PM
10

"get a cat, get a dog, die alone." - RIP Kevin Samuels
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 03:30 AM
2

Nope. Getting some space between us allowed the scales to fall from my eyes and I'm more set on seeing it through.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 01:48 AM
1

This was my case with mediation. It didn't last long. When I didn't agree to her terms she flipped the proverbial table over and had a fit. The mediator just said, Welp I'll tell the courts we're at an impasse.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 05:23 PM
3

You don't listen to what women say, you watch what they do. They will say one thing and do something different. This... Ignore this at your own peril.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 03:49 PM
1

I've been sober for about 9 months. Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 11:31 PM
2

Now she wants a separation because she is stuck thinking about truly human mistakes that I've made over the years. Fuck that. This ship has sailed and it's something she's been planning for a long time. Get a lawyer, do not sign anything from her, and do not move out of the marital home.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 11:31 PM
5

Yeah mine was a 5k retainer and 400 /hr.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 09:57 PM
3

Fighting the semantics that are irrelative in the grand scheme of things will make it a contested divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 03:48 PM
3

I'd file separately, but that's me. If you file joint, YOU do the filing and have it go to a bank account you control, or go old-school and gave it mailed to your place/PO Box. Do not allow your ex to file for the both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 06:57 PM
3

The last thing anyone should be doing right now is over leveraging themselves financially. If your son is set on college, help him get grants.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 01:36 AM
2

This should make the answer to your question clear. Stop scuttling your financial future or anything else for her benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 12:39 AM
2

Most of my currently married friends are on their second marriage. They've been a wealth of knowledge through my process. No judgment that I've seen. The ones that are on their first/only marriage are very supportive.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 09:45 PM
7

This is the stage that I'm at with my ex and her family. A year separated and waiting for trial, seeing all her BS for what it is in plain view now, I'm done... Don't care one bit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 06:06 PM
13

First off, sorry you're going through this. You're going to go through a lot of pain, and you're going to learn a tremendous amount about how women actually work. My ex tried to pull this same BS about "I don't want to divorce, let's just legally separate" too. My advice is to find a lawyer, a good one, and file ASAP. You're already behind in this game. Make no mistake she's been planning this likely for years. She's fucking her "friend", hate to break this to you, but the sooner you come to gri…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 04:19 AM
9

Marriage is an unconscionable contract that no one would enter into in any business setting.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/22 01:00 AM
7

We were ships passing in the night. A sexless loveless marriage where I was a draft mule to carry her incessant spending and financial malfeasance. It was the most expensive roommate I've ever had. Years of manipulation and gaslighting of everyone in the household was tolerated "for the kids". Until it wasn't. I foolishly thought I could make a legitimate suggestion that we try to reconnect but it was in vain. Her saying she wanted to "separate but not divorce" along with literal financially cri…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 08:28 PM
1

I spoke with my HR dept and the response I got was no. Perhaps insurance policies, local laws may differ, but in my case it was no.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 04:51 PM
1

Why is she lying? Simple, it fits into and supports her strategy. She's found her next opportunity and "next best thing" and is aligning to that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 08:16 PM
2

As stated above, the woman you're dealing with now is not the woman you married. She's been planning this for a while now. She's likely got a side-piece already. Do not leave the house. Get a lawyer. Open a separate bank account that she does not have access to and deposit your salary there. Remove her as an authorized user on any cards and get new cards issued. Get sleep and eat well. Exercise. Make a budget and get a handle on what debts you have. Focus on being the best dad you can be. Docume…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:49 PM
2

False claims and how they would affect my situation is exactly why my attorney advised I bounce. Otherwise, don't leave guys.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 10:15 PM
1

This is the way. I have kids with my STBX and if it's not about the kids I just ignore it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 05:05 PM
1

Not finalized yet, but already the kids love coming to my place because of this. It was chaos and everyone walking on eggshells around my ex. They know mistakes are OK here as long as you own it and learn from it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 07:00 PM
18

This. Your ex needs to, and should be expected to do the baseline adulting of life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 12:30 AM
11

This sounds like my marriage that is waiting for papers to be signed. Mine lasted 10 years before it got like this, and we had children to add to the "package". My advice, do not get this woman pregnant. Take back the regins on the finances, today. If that blows up then you have your answer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 10:32 PM
6

My ex had a child from a previous marriage. Never once did the father of their child stay with them in the house when he came to visit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 08:07 PM
7

she said it was ok if he stays with her for the week She said it was OK? What about you?
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 07:59 PM
1

Do not leave, she can kick rocks. If she has made this decision you must realize this is no longer the person you married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 12:29 AM
1

If the ex shacks up, doesn't that nullify spousal maintenance?
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 06:27 PM
1

Contact the school? I don't know if that's a thing but I'd give it a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 05:44 PM
2

Do not reconsider or have second thoughts. Plan carefully, act swiftly. Get this divorce sealed with a paternity test and don't look back.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 04:16 PM
7

Sound advice and essentially the same thing I did. One thing I would add is get pictures of everything and photocopy all important documents.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 03:06 AM
2

Get a lawyer today. Do not leave the marital home unless it's unsafe to stay, do not let her leave with the kids, and document everything.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 08:21 PM
1

Rsu's have no value until they're sold, and a big "hell no" to that 50% noise with rsu's. YOU are paying the taxes by your company withholding some when they vest.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 02:15 AM
2

Wasn't worth the risk, especially with the type of career I have.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 02:21 AM
2

If you bought it after getting married then something will have to be done. Talk with an attorney on this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 02:20 AM
2

Found a place to rent. House will have to be sold soon so neither her or I will be living there.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 01:53 AM
5

Similar situation. My attorney said to GTFO because she was the type to slap her arm and call the police. We didn't need to deal with an erroneous criminal suit in addition to the divorce proceedings I was initiating.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 12:33 AM
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