I don't do this too often, but I want to endorse a book entitled No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover. From the outset, be assured that I have never met the book's author or communicated with him in any way, nor do I have any kind of financial interest in its sales, directly or tangentially. I am simply recommending it since it does such a very good job of explaining "Nice Guy Syndrome", examples of which abound in today's world.
It's my firmly-held belief that the only way MR issues are going to get into the ken of society is if men stop trying to live for/please women all the time and start thinking about what's good for them first. The author makes the case and quite convincingly that when people (of either sex) look out for their own needs first, everyone is eventually better off since a lot of relationship-wrecking sorts of things are avoided. It's counter-intuitive, but the main point is this: If you place everyone else's needs ahead of yours, not only will you not get your needs met, but guaranteed, you will not meet the needs or expectations of others. Net result: No one is happy, least of all you, and they will blame you for it. Is the First World not up its eyeballs in "Nice Guys" and tell me, how happy is everyone? Since men have been trained to be and are expected to be "Nice Guys", and as many of them have been at it for decades now, how is it working? Are either men or women really happier than in the past, particularly where romantic relationships are concerned?
I read this book quite some time ago but think this is a good time to mention it, since the end-of-the-year time is upon us and this is when people typically decide to make new year's resolutions. If you're a man who finds himself getting used by a partner (or others), or who is incessantly trying to please her (or him) but can never do anything good enough (by their or your own standards), and yet you just keep trying harder, thinking if you do, eventually things will be fine-- well, this is the book for you. And if this doesn't describe you but describes a man you know, feel free to share the fact of its existence with him.
