Mixing your yin with a little yang, or vice versa

The various projects I’ve planned for this blog keep getting delayed because the commenters here and the other bloggers who I read keep coming up with ideas I want to develop further. In particular, the idea of assuming behaviors that the opposite sex engages in as a means of heightening your own attractiveness has been on my mind. My interest in this topic was first stirred by this post by LILGRL over at Girl Game:

However, I’ve learned a thing or two about boys.  And thing number one is that boys will have no problem with you being a “boy”…as long as you’re a) not a try-hard and b) not…actually a boy.  In fact, most guys greatly appreciate the fact that I can kick back and watch a game with them without having to ask, every five seconds, which color I’m supposed to be cheering for (I have a strict hierarchy of team-loyalty that I follow, and I will not be swayed).  Of course, the appreciation sometimes diminishes when they realize that I’m the one who’s constantly hounding them to flip back to the game, or that I know more about the game than they do.

And I saw this post by Alex Birch over at CORRUPT touching on the same theme:

When Arnold Schwarzenegger walks down the street, he’s macho. If he wears a pink tie to a white shirt, he’ll look even more like a brute, because the girly color starkly contrasts against his otherwise very manly features. It enhances his overall character. And, of course, no one would ever go up to Arnie and call his pink tie faggy. The truth is that you’ll look even more manly if you disguise yourself in a softer package.

Being purely masculine or purely feminine is not only impossible, it’s a turnoff to the opposite sex. It’s a cliche that dudes who act super macho rarely get any, for instance. Blending your manly or womanly charm with a dash of femininity or masculinity can, and often does, enhance your attractiveness. From Robert Greene’s The Art of Seduction:

Seduction was and will always remain the female form of power and warfare. It was originally the antidote to rape and violence. The man who uses this form of power on a woman is in essence turning the game around, employing feminine weapons against her; without losing his masculine identity, the more subtly feminine he becomes the more effective the seduction. Do not be one of those who believe that what is most seductive is being devastatingly masculine. The Feminine Dandy has a much more sinister effect. He lures the woman in with exactly what she wants—a familiar, pleasing, graceful presence. Mirroring feminine psychology, he displays attention to his appearance, sensitivity to detail, a slight coquettishness—but also a hint of male cruelty. Women are narcissists, in love with the charms of their own sex. By showing them feminine charm, a man can mesmerize and disarm them, leaving them vulnerable to a bold, masculine move.

The Masculine Dandy succeeds by reversing the normal pattern of male superiority in matters of love and seduction. A man’s apparent independence, his capacity for detachment, often seems to give him the upper hand in the dynamic between men and women. A purely feminine woman will arouse desire, but is always vulnerable to the man’s capricious loss of interest; a purely masculine woman, on the other hand, will not arouse that interest at all. Follow the path of the Masculine Dandy, however, and you neutralize all a man’s powers. Never give completely of yourself; while you are passionate and sexual, always retain an air of independence and self-possession. You might move on to the next man, or so he will think. You have other, more important matters to concern yourself with, such as your work. Men do not know how to fight women who use their own weapons against them; they are intrigued, aroused and disarmed. Few men can resist the taboo pleasures offered up to them by the Masculine Dandy.

Guys with good game can enhance their success with women by keeping fit and dressing with style, for instance, while attractive women can ensnare a man into a commitment by rationing her emotions. This was discussed on my female solipsism post:

Thursday: Lots of guys will spend a lot of time in the gym instead of learning game because they overestimate how much looks attract women.

Ferdinand Bardamu: Going to the gym is no substitute for game, but it still helps on a secondary level – all else being equal, a guy who is fit will beat out a guy who isn’t every time.

Thursday: An pretty woman who also knows how to play hard to get can drive a man’s attraction for her into the stratosphere. But you are right, she will have to meet a minimum level of good looks and may have to signal some potential interest first.

Ferdinand Bardamu: Actually, I agree with Thursday and LILGRL. As Thursday mentioned, however, the man has to ALREADY be significantly attracted to the girl for “playing hard to get” to work. It MULTIPLIES attraction, and does not, as many women think, create it.

“Secondary” and “multiplication” are the key words here. Zero times two is still zero, and if your sexual market value is already low, no amount of masculine or feminine behavior is going to help you. A fit, well-dressed dude with no game will bomb with the ladies every time, and an ugly, old woman will be cheerily ignored by the menfolk if she plays hard to get. Mixing your yin with yang or your yang with yin helps on a secondary level, but is no substitute for poor fundamentals.

Additionally, the opposite sex behaviors you adopt must be carefully balanced with your existing masculinity or femininity. As LILGRL pointed out in her post, behaving TOO much like a guy will kill his attraction for you – he wants a woman, not a “football buddy” that he can have sex with too. And as I commented over at CORRUPT:

I agree that having a splash of femininity is helpful, but it has to be just a splash and nothing more, otherwise people WILL think you’re a fag. For example, I prefer to wear a pink shirt with a black tie or a white shirt with a pink tie, but never the pink shirt with the pink tie.

If I went around town wearing the pink shirt and pink tie, girls would question my sexual orientation and guys would mock me in the back of their brains (or openly, in certain bars). It’s a fine line you must walk between the essence of your sexuality and the behaviors you adopt, so that you don’t end up driving your targets away.

So, ladies, once you’ve reeled in your man, feel free to cultivate an air of mystery or bone up on some of his manly hobbies. And dudes, start pumping iron and add some femme colored items to your wardrobe. Me, I’ll be wearing my light purple button-front shirt with the black tie and jacket tonight. Combined with my game, I will be an unstoppable force of vagina-lubricating power. Okay, maybe not, but I’ll still do better than the unfashionable cubicle jockey slobs.