Here I was all set to write about some (not so) profound thoughts and Master Dogen kype’s my idea and then writes something way better than I could come up with. Damn. Yeah, I agree with what MD says in spades. As with my post on sluts and studs, and Talleyrand’s post on neotony in dogs and women, it seems almost like there’s a hive mind out there somewhere. Of course I’m not being serious.
I had a very laid back weekend. Nothing exciting. Watched some football, drank some scotch, and generally tried to recharge my batteries, so to speak. My series of posts from last week about my relationship with Michelle got me thinking. Thinking enough that my mind was moving a million miles an hour Friday night making it hard to sleep.
I mentioned in the comments that Michelle was one of the least crazy/mixed up women I’ve ever met. Talleyrand and I were discussing that at the end of the week and it occurred to me that there may have been a reason for it. Coming from an abusive background as she did, I speculate that her internal view of her value was probably much lower than her physical looks might indicate. A case opposite of most American women, she undervalued herself as opposed to overvaluing herself. Something to contemplate anyway.
Thinking about Michelle made me remember why I enjoy the company of women so much. The challenge of the game. The discovery of someone and something new. The excitement. All these things and more create an addictive cocktail that can’t be beat and is rarely matched in any other arena of life. Some things that I’ve done have come close like rock climbing and racing. I’d even add sailing a boat as something I find totally sublime.
Marquis has had some MMA fights and from his descriptions the combination of violence, pain, excitement, and crowd energy, must also be a heady cocktail. The last fight I was in was some years ago, but I can still taste the blood in my mouth and the knowledge the pain was a price I willing paid (happy to pay, truth be told) in order to inflict pain on the other guy. Call it bloodlust.
As it has been chronicled on other sites within the Roissysphere, the lure of anger and hatred for women, the system, etc. is a visceral thing once one becomes aware of the overwhelming misandry of western culture. There is a desire to lash out, even if only verbally, at the everyday injustice of an insensitve system. It was also a hard thing for me to accept that the deep connection with a woman that I was raised to want and believe was possible, is in fact an illusion. Be that as it may, I am a man, and I abhor men who bitch and complain but never do anything to make a change.
I have lived my life up until now always curious about what’s over the next hill or around the next bend. I still feel that way. I have fewer illusions in regards to women. I will never be a MGTOW kind of guy. That’s their life, and their decision. For me, I still look forward to the dance.
