As I recall, a while back there was some discussion here and over on Krauser’s blog about watching the body language of the men around you at any given time and trying to spot the alpha. Depending on the social or work situation these things can change and watching the ebb and flow can by a pleasant diversion.
The next step for me was to turn that lens upon myself. To be aware of my body language and to determine if it was congruent with the frame I thought I was holding. The first time I did this, I realized that I was giving off a horrible mash up of signals. Some combination of head up, aggressive stance, with either gonad protecting (hands in pockets), or defensive body hugging (arms crossed).
Speaking of crossed arms. Many people do this because it is a comforting gesture. The speculation is that it is a throw back to our youth when our parents hugged us close. According to the various body language books I have read, crossed arms will make others judge you negatively. As a result, I made it my mission to eliminate this gesture. I can report that I am crossing my arms a lot less than I used to. The side benefit, if the research is to be believed, is that by doing this I should be a better listener and more open and inviting to others. Anecdotally this does seem to be the case.
Now, I’m not saying that I watch my body language and social interactions constantly. I don’t believe anyone has enough energy to be forever vigilant. It’s more like a spot check. A snapshot at an instant in time. I think of it as being similar to how an accounting balance sheet is a snap shot of a company’s assets and liabilities (plus owner’s equity) at a moment in time. That’s the conceptual framework I use, for you it may be different. Heck, you may not even need this exercise.
So where does this leave me? Looking at my actions and thinking about whether have positive, neutral, or negative attraction value. Or in male social hierarchy terms, am I sending dominant, neutral, or weakness signals. After thinking about it a little more, I would add one further question I have asked myself. Do I care? I do foresee a time when I’ll either stop caring completely, and/or I will have been able to change my natural beta tendencies enough that it is no longer necessary to examine my action. Right now, I believe I’m trending towards the latter.
