I went out to dinner last night with some friends. All in all, a good time, but an interesting thing happened that got me thinking.
Towards the end of the night I purposefully dropped a bag on a gal’s hand in order to get her to move her hand. She was blocking me from getting my stuff together so I could leave, and she was unwilling to move. (UPDATE: Please see my comment below for clarification) Fine by me, I did what I had to do to get the desired result. She got up, moved to another, chair, and started pouting. She says, “Well, I guess you don’t love me anymore!” At this point the LTR’s ears perk up and she’s trying to figure out what’s going on.
I turned to the woman in question, put a shit eating grin on my face, and said, “‘Don’t worry I still love you, I just don’t have any respect for you.” This got a round of laughs from everyone in the room. They, of course, thought I was joking. I wasn’t.
The definition of respect I am referring to is to hold someone or something in high or special regard. It might also mean providing deferential treatment to said object of my respect. Respect is a funny thing. Everyone thinks they deserve it, whether they have earned it or not.
I started thinking about what men do that I respect. Honesty. Keeping their word. Shared difficulties, what some might call rites of passage. A willingness to step up and take responsibility for their actions no matter the consequences. A shared understanding that complaining about things wastes a lot of energy but solves nothing. The list could go on, but essentially these are attributes I have always associated with the men I’ve looked up to all my life. Through experience I know that not all men hold up well to these standards, but then again, I don’t respect them either.
Then I started thinking about things people do or are that they feel I should respect and yet I only feel disdain or despise them instead. I don’t respect you just because you exist, are of a certain sex, or are a member of a minority. I won’t respect you just because you’re credentialed. I won’t respect you if you claim you are my equal and also claim you are a victim. As a corollary to that, you don’t deserve my respect if you claim equality while also requiring special rights and favors. I won’t respect you if you refuse to accept responsibility for your actions. I won’t respect you if you’ve lead a life of plenty and yet claim to know what’s best for the teeming masses. I won’t respect you if I catch you being dishonest or breaking your word. Finally, to end this non-exhaustive list, I won’t respect you if you wallow in your angst/anger/discomfort/whatever without making an attempt to do something to fix or change your situation.
Respect and disrespect are something you earn in my book. Many people will always feel like they deserve deferential treatment. Most of them will never realize that they don’t.
