I can remember back when I was a kid and answering machines were the must have gadget. Finally, we could check up on all those important calls that came in when we were out. You know, because we really were so important that heads of state, royalty, and foreign dignitaries were trying to contact us.
Shortly after these tape recorded answering machines became ubiquitous, people started putting cutesy messages on them. Maybe they were singing songs, maybe they’d record a message to make you think you were talking to a live person instead of an infernal machine. My childhood fogged memory seems to remember a 1-800 commercial for singalong answer machines tapes, but maybe I’m just making that memory up. The cheese was laid on thick, the schmaltz enough to make a person vomit last night’s taco dinner.
I called a woman this morning that I haven’t talked to in a couple of years. The only reason I called her was to relay some information to her about a near and dear friend. I don’t even get a ringing sound before it kicks over to her voice messaging. At first I thought I had a wrong number as all I’m hearing is the song hurt. So I hang up, check the number, and dial again. Same thing. I wait through about 20 seconds of the song before I finally get the standard verbal greeting. You know, ‘hi, this is xxx, please leave a message.’ All the time, I thinking, you’re close to 45 years old, divorced, bitter, and angry. Glad to know she feels everyone else should know that too.
I have no doubts she thinks she’s unique. A buddy told me she used to have a different song on there. He pointed out to her that all his inbred, white trash clients also used that song on their voice messaging. As a result, she quickly changed it to the current selection. She’s such a pretty snowflake.
I guess I’m an impatient man when it comes to this kind of foolishness. My voice message says as little as possible. My name and please leave a message. When I call others, whether for work or socially, I typically leave as short a message as possible. There is nothing more annoying to me then listening to someone who’s maxed out the voice messaging length. My standard procedure is to auto-delete every message if I know who it is and they are rambling.
