Earlier this month a study was released from the London School of Economics that concluded couples who split the housework enjoy more stable marriages than those who don’t….or so they do if wifey acknowledges the work her husband does.
This conclusion was interesting for several reasons. As most of us know all too well that many issues in marriages today boil down to how the wife feels about this or that and if she is willing to humble herself and accept the responsibility for her own faults and failures rather than blaming her husband. With this knowledge in mind, it’s not at all shocking that women who care enough about their husbands to appreciate them would have more stable marriages. Treating others with respect and being realistic tend to be qualities that bring peace, not conflict into a relationship.
The fact that men contribute to the chores in ways that are seldom classified under the traditional “housework” label is also essential to consider. Work need not take place in the four walls of the home to be essential. Mowing lawns, yard work, taking out the trash, handling car repairs, and keeping tabs on the finances are just as important as marketing, cleaning, and laundry. In many families this work is handled by the husband and is far too easily forgotten when an argument arrives over which spouse does what work. I’ve listen to many rants at women-only social functions about men who don’t fold the laundry or put their socks in the hamper but who get the oil changed in the car and never forget to take out the trash.
More interesting is the fact that this is yet another study and resulting discussion that fails to highlight what might be the most important point in this debate. In many homes it is the man who pays for the mortgage or rent. He is the one who provides the place to cook, clean, and raise the children and the necessary tools for women to engage in “domestic drudgery”. Without his financial contribution, there would be no chores to do and for this reason providing the money for the check is arguably the most imperative housework of all.
An objective look at chore splitting should make a woman consider all of these points and more, but ultimately the attitude change must go farther than this. Women need to see not only what their husbands do for them, but the big picture their own domestic labor is contributing to. Scrubbing floors, laundering sheets, and cooking a casserole on a busy night are not glamorous and exciting work, but this work is important nonetheless. Such tasks are what builds a home that shelters a family from the world and provides a warm and caring environment in which children can thrive. The little jobs are the building blocks of domestic life with a family and the privileges that come with having a husband and children to take care of. They are bits of selfless service and ways to turn love into a verb.
Much as this study concludes an attitude check and grateful heart need to be cultivated for lifelong marital success for a sour outlook on the contributions of husbands and domestic work tend to have harmful results. Much reality needs to be acknowledge when it comes to marriage and the tasks required by family life.
