Some of us are probably wondering what became of Michael Cooper, Eat Pray Love author Elizabeth Gilbert’s ex-husband, following the release of her paean to adultery, gluttony and prideful piety. Fortunately, Danielle Friedman, writing for The Daily Beast, took the time to contact him and find out. It turns out he’s written a book detailing his side of the story, and had plans to publish it when the film came out, but the deal fell through due to disagreements with the publisher.
Some commenters remarked that he’s lucky to have the woman out of his life, and given that he’s successfully moved on that’s probably the truth, but he still describes the experience as “devastating.” This is normal. Divorce is very often devastating for men, especially when children are involved. Mr. Cooper was fortunate in that they were not, but it takes a toll all the same. Fortunately, men can and do move on and find a life again.
I’ve noticed that some writers have recently been suggesting that if a man is hurt by betrayal and abandonment he’s somehow less of a man. The implication is that if you can be hurt by that, you’re insufficiently alpha, and any real man would immediately move on and start sleeping with any woman he can game into his bed. The suggestion is that love and loyalty is feminine, and a real man is a stone-cold screwing machine who just doesn’t care, because caring is what pussies do. The problem with this reasoning is that most normal men simply aren’t wired that way (although it may be more common amongst sociopathic types, such as con-men and many of those doing hard time for violent crime).
In fact, divorce stats paint a clear picture to the contrary. In marriage, it is women who go stone-cold at the drop of a hat, turn off their empathy with no effort, and do extraordinarily cruel things to a spouse without a trace of remorse. Sure, men sometimes screw around, but they are usually conflicted and sorry when they do so. In my entire life, I have never – not even once – heard a woman express regret or contrition for betraying her husband or boyfriend, but I have heard many men do so.
As Friedman points out in the article, not only did Elizabeth Gilbert brutally betray her husband, she profited enormously from doing so in a very public and humiliating manner:
Yet in keeping with the tale’s theme of cosmic balance, as we watch Gilbert (embodied by Julia Roberts) reach a realm of happiness in which she’s “smiling in her liver,” we watch her husband-turned-ex (played by Billy Crudup) come undone on screen. And this was before she became a gazillionaire.
It sounds like the nightmare of every jilted lover: your ex not only soars to wealth and fame but on the back of your own failed marriage. And, um, very publicly.
I’d like to add that in keeping with “cosmic balance,” if one believes in Hinduism or Buddhism, Gilbert will likely be reincarnated as some kind of worm that dwells in tidal mud flats and feeds on shellfish excrement, but it may be that American women have internalized the philosophy that in order to have a fulfilling, happy life, one has to make damn sure that at least one other person is absolutely miserable. It’s a sort of twisted notion of karma, where one’s happiness is contingent upon another’s sorrow. Such a philosophy would certainly explain a lot of contemporary female behavior.
Perhaps it’s also a sobering commentary on American life in general — if one has no moral scruples our system can work very much to one’s advantage (provided IQ is above a certain threshold). In fact, it seems at times, despite the frequent admonitions against “legislating morality,” that morality itself has been legislated out of existence, especially where family law is concerned. Our law and popular culture have become so relativist that the concepts of right and wrong have been reduced to whether an act causes a pleasurable physical sensation or sense of satisfaction at any particular moment.
Illustrating this trend perfectly, when Michael Cooper agreed to write a book about his experience, the publisher pressed him to include salacious details about his marriage and divorce. He was asked to do something that he personally felt was wrong to receive a reward, and being a fundamentally decent person he declined. It’s pretty amazing that after being cuckolded in front of the entire nation, Mr. Cooper maintained his dignity and stuck by his guns, refusing on principle to sully his message, which publisher Hyperion plainly didn’t think would interest fans of Eat Love Pray, the target demographic they must have been hoping to cash in on.
Cooper chose to name his book Displaced, a double entendre that describes both his divorce and his work as a humanitarian aid worker in various conflict zones, but Hyperion chose the title The Husband: One Man’s Story of Moving In, Moving Out, and Moving On, further insulting him by reducing him to a bit part in the glamorous life of his ex-wife.
So what was his book about? According to the blurb that’s still up on Hyperion’s site (which still contains the original title), it’s about how he recovered through service to others:
Michael thought his marriage with Liz was rock solid. When it suddenly crumbled, his life was set adrift. In Displaced, he offers an intimate look at the end of the marriage and at his personal struggle to recover. Through more than a decade of human rights and humanitarian aid work with communities upended by poverty, disaster, and conflict, Michael witnessed time and again the incredible resilience of the human spirit—in Kosovo, Mongolia, Iran, Iraq, and elsewhere.
While Elizabeth Gilbert was slutting around in luxurious locales, dedicating herself to vapid, hedonistic pursuits, Michael Cooper was working hard to provide comfort to the afflicted peoples of the less fortunate parts of the world. Think about that: despite his own sorrow he dedicated his time and effort to easing the burdens of others. I can hardly think of a more arresting contrast.
Although it’s too bad his book won’t be coming out immediately, I’m actually glad Hyperion won’t get to publish it. If they tried to ruin the story by introducing cheap gossip and dirty laundry, they don’t deserve the rights. According to an article in the NY Post, Cooper cancelled the deal himself:
Cooper told Page Six he finished the manuscript, but parted ways because of Hyperion’s “eleventh-hour demands” to make it more racy. “I set out to write about how, in the wake of a devastating and unexpected divorce, I slowly rebuilt my life by redoubling my already decades-long commitment to humanitarian relief and human rights work. In the end, it seemed to me that Hyperion hoped to push the book in a more controversial direction — something I was unwilling to do. I am exploring options with other publishers.” Hyperion confirmed the cancellation but declined to comment further.
Good for him. The book will eventually come out, and we will definitely review it here at The Spearhead.
As awful as the movie Eat Love Pray is, I’m glad it came out. I’m glad for Sex and The City 2 as well, and all the other abominations that are crawling out of the swamp of contemporary culture. The flower of feminism is gone, and now we have its rotten fruit. When enough people have tasted it and retched as a result, it won’t be an easy sell any longer.
As for Michael Cooper, his recovery is essentially complete. He is currently married to a Canadian diplomat, has two young sons, and is studying public interest law at Georgetown.
