Not mine to know, thank you!
By Ken Knight
Remember the old schoolyard remark: “None of your beeswax!” when some kid asks another about something personal? (maybe it was just a 1970s saying haha). Anyhow, I think this is a good word that makes my point here about the familiar yarn between men regarding the women in their personal lives or (assumed) lack thereof! How many times have you heard brothers comment about another guy’s gal or lack of a gal and/or confront another man about whether or not he’s dating Susie Sucksalot? You know what I’m getting at here: that often-shaming ribbing between guys about whether or not the other is “getting any”. I’ve been guilty of it myself in the past, teasing a pal about him not having dates or bugging some other single friend about who he is screwing or not screwing. Of course married men are exempt from this kind of social one-upmanship because they’re assumed to be “getting it” at home with the wife or as in most cases ~ married men are no longer allowed to hang around their single comrades once their brides place them in “lock-down”. I was wrong back then and recognize it now as a social habit of “shaming” other men about their personal lives by chiding them into chasing women who are likely to be trouble. The solution to this old habit of teasing buddies about their personal life?
Simple: just mark it up as “none of my friggin’ business” when it comes to the dating habits of buddies and male accomplices. Nowadays if my friends want to mention their personal dating lives I’ll listen but I won’t goad them into making foolish mistakes getting hooked by the wrong women who later ruin them (unwanted children, divorce).
There are two things a man should never…and I repeat…NEVER assist another man with no matter what: 1) choosing a career 2) getting a woman.
Both of these are the end-all recipe of disaster and usually ruin the friendship post haste.
Some things in life should irrevocably remain behind the wall of none-of-my-business for obvious reasons, with the business of friends and their sex lives being one of them!
Why should I care who my buddies are screwing (unless it’s my girlfriend! haha) and why the hell should I have the slightest damn thought as to why a buddy, partner, cousin, or friend is not frivolously getting laid out there in Suckersville USA?
A friend of mine remarked the other day about the grocery clerk we paid when we did a beer-run for a party that night (the clerk was rail-thin at about age 30, braces on his teeth and a revenge-of-the-nerds look about him) laughing “I bet you that guy never gets any!”
The comment made me wonder how many young men have fallen into horrible goddamn relationships just because they don’t want other men seeing them as “not getting any”??
I told my cohort that the geek in the grocery store might not have “getting laid” as a priority in his life but he still prattled on about how “guys like that don’t get any”.
*Yeah, that means a lot coming from a guy who has been divorced three times and uses Match.com as often as an old lady uses suppositories*. Shaming other guys into “getting some” (no matter the female they may end up with!) is what they refer to in the US Army as being a “buddy-f*cker”. So how is this phenomenon avoided in the best kind of way?
By not giving one squirt of piss who other guys are going horizontal with (or without).
Ken Knight is the Author of “THE MIDNIGHT SHOW~ Late Night Cable TV Guy-Flicks of the 80s” as well as the recent zombie-apocalypse novel “DIRGE”.
