At the height of his meltdown following his exposure as a fraud, Hugo got high on six milligrams of clonazepam and crashed his car, seriously injuring a young mother, who was medevaced from the scene by helicopter.
Because he was intoxicated, violated traffic laws and injured someone, he was charged with felony DUI, which carries a minimum sentence of six months in prison, but typically more.
Apparently, some felony DUI cases are known as “wobblers,” which means that they can be reduced to a misdemeanor. I’m not sure whether that’s the case in Hugo’s crime, but even if it is, he’ll likely be spending some time behind bars – or in a psych ward – regardless.
I’m not one to cheer when people are thrown in jail; there are plenty of people there who shouldn’t be in a cage. Unless people are a menace to society or have intentionally done some great harm that causes considerable hardship to others, I’m skeptical about the value of imprisonment. Hugo, however, does appear to be a menace. Given his confessions concerning attempted murder in the past, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that he intentionally crashed his car.
I wasn’t sure whether to believe the story he told about trying to blow himself and his girlfriend up in a gas explosion some years ago – I thought he might have ripped off the story from the Ken Kesey novel Sometimes a Great Notion – but now it seems a lot more likely to have really happened.
So, if Hugo does time in prison, what will it be like for him?
First of all, prison is often better than county jails, which are overcrowded, filthy and have a lower staff ratio. The real problem with prison is not so much the facility itself, but the other inmates.
Fortunately for Hugo, if he does end up there he may well be classified as a “sensitive needs” prisoner, which would entitle him to segregation from general population. Prisoners who would be in danger of assault or murder at the hands of regular prisoners stay in what is called the “sensitive needs yard.” These special prisoners incude gang snitches, celebrities, physically frail prisoners, child molesters and homosexuals. They are essentially people who would be an easy, attractive or high-profile target.
Although I’m not an expert on this, I’d assume Hugo Schwyzer would fit the sensitive needs profile. As a feminist, liberal white male with bisexual tendencies, I can imagine that many of the general population inmates would quite enjoy giving Hugo a beating, for the entertainment value if nothing else. There’s nothing that screams “hit me!” quite like a snarky, passive-aggressive white nerd in prison. If he is effeminate on top of that some form of violence is a near certainty.
I know this not only from anecdotal evidence (I have a friend who did time in California), but from my time in an inner city high school, which shares a number of characteristics in common with prison. It was always the white nerds who got smacked around, and the most brutal assault I saw was on a gay white student, who was punched so hard in the face that he needed surgery.
Of course, most prisoners are in low security prisons. There’s a point system that determines one’s security needs. Although Hugo may appear to be suited to a low security prison, his admission of attempted murder, suicidal tendencies and mental disorders will probably earn him more than a couple points. If he didn’t come from a fairly well-to-do family, I’d guess he’d probably be looking at a level II (out of four) security facility, which is close to the median. For some context, level I is minimum security, and more like a college dorm, whereas level IV is reserved for the kinds of prisoners who murder guards (e.g. “Terrible Tommy” Silverstein) or are national security risks. Level III is where your garden variety violent psychopath goes, and although Schwyzer definitely has some socio/psychopathic tendencies, his ability to perpetrate serious violence and mayhem is limited by his physique and self-preservation instinct.
For Hugo, the most painful aspect of prison would be the isolation from the outside world and the limited opportunity for him to draw attention to himself. This is what will really hurt him if that’s where he ends up. For narcissists, it is a severe blow to the ego to be quarantined.
If Hugo does time, I hope he gives the world an honest account of it, although that may be too much to ask. For his children’s sake, I hope he makes some effort to reform himself in a positive way, and keeps himself optimistic throughout the experience. I doubt his career as a writer is over, so perhaps he can use the time served to improve his mental and physical health, and learn to use his talents in a less destructive way.
I do think some time in the pen will be both just and good in Hugo’s case, and helpful to Hugo himself as well as society. I doubt he’ll get hurt there, and because that isn’t the point of incarceration I hope he comes out no worse for the wear. If he behaves himself and learns a thing or two, he’ll be able to stand up straight and say “I’ve done my time.” It’s an opportunity few elite sociopaths are afforded these days, so Hugo should try to make the most of it. With some luck and self-reflection, he may actually emerge a better man with something to offer besides the usual lies and hystrionics.
If, however, he gets off the hook, expect no improvement. Hugo owes it to his fellow men to submit to justice, and only in paying his dues can he be rehabilitated.
