Reemphasized with bold: If you are not interested in having sex when your spouse wants sex then don’t get married.
This applies mostly to women but also to some men since typically men have the stronger sex drive.
1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Not only is this God’s command as a marital responsibility, but it is important to practicing the Christian faith: meeting others needs and loving others as you love yourself. You don’t want to be denied sex when you want it, so why would you deny your spouse? Be gracious and giving.
By being frigid it’s its own kind of hell. The enemy wants us to have sex outside of marriage and not have any in marriage because it’s contrary to God’s design. The more people that can be hurt the better. Sex is one of the amazing things about marriage and there should be no limits or overt or covert contracts on it. Give freely and enthusiastically and make yourself love it.
It’s not a secret that marriage issues generally improve as the husband and wife are closer. It’s unity. And as always, counterintuitively the right thing to do is the hardest which is to overcome the feelings and have sex. Faith and love requires that we do things even when we don’t want to.
This cannot be anymore plainly stated, and it’s what I’ve started doing when singles and those in relationships come up to me for pre-marriage or marriage advice.
You must ask these questions before marriage to your potential spouse and closely look at their reaction. Are they just saying what they think you want to hear? Do they believe it and want to honor God and you? How enthusiastic are they about overcoming their feelings to do the right thing?
Stop depriving each other.
