A Nigerian Christian young man tells of his family issues and the challenges to his faith.
Readership: Christian Men
Theme: Level Up!
Length: 3,400 words
Reading Time: 18 minutes
Foreword from Jack
In this 6 part mini-series, I’ll convey the main content of 3 lengthy emails from a young Christian man in Nigeria. The original 3 emails contained a total of 8,700 words.
This post, Part 1, contains some general information about Nigeria, and conveys the main body of his first email, including the author’s family background, his childhood, family relationships, parents, and siblings.
In these posts, I’ve taken the liberty to condense and reorganize the content in the interest of providing a clearly understandable and concise account, abbreviating the reading time, and easing reading.
Information about Nigeria
In 2023 and 2024, Nigeria was one of the top 10 countries with the most viewers on the Σ Frame blog.
Nigeria, located in West Central Africa, is the 30th largest country in the world and has a total area of approximately 923,769 square kilometers, which is slightly more than twice the size of California.
The Total Fertility Rate (TFR) is ~4.4-5.5 by various estimates, among the highest in the world, ranking 15th.
With 242M people, Nigeria is the most populous country in Africa, much more populous than the next most populous African state, Ethiopia (139M), and having more than twice as many people as the third, D. R. Congo (116M).
From what I can tell, Nigeria is an Honor vs Shame-based ethical culture, which might explain much of the author’s testimony.
Southern Africa is mostly Christian, and Northern Africa is predominantly Muslim. Nigeria lies right on the Sub-Saharan split, with southern Nigeria being Christian, and Northern Nigeria being Muslim.
Nigeria is a religiously divided country, 50-56% Muslim and 43-49% Christian (by various estimates). The Christian share of Nigeria’s population has grown from 35% in the early 1960s, peaked in the mid 2010s, but is currently in decline, due to a lower fertility rate relative to the Muslim population in the country.
Christian genocide is a thing in Nigeria. Estimates suggest that over 100,000 Christians have been killed in Nigeria since 2009, with violence particularly high in the north. Sources suggest roughly 4,000 to 7,000+ Christians are killed annually, with over 18,000 churches and schools attacked or destroyed, mainly by Muslim extremists and jihadist groups.
Excerpts from Message 1 of 3
[Written in September 2025. Received on 2025/11/12.]
Hello, good day.
I truly appreciate the work you do on your blog. I’m glad I came across it a few years ago, and over time, I’ve gained so much from your posts. You’re doing a great job, not only you but also your fellow bloggers and the commenters around the Christian Manosphere. I’ve learned a lot from the extra insights and discussions shared in the comment section as well.
The reason I’m writing is because I find myself at a difficult point in life. I feel lost, without direction or mentorship, and I’m hoping that by sharing a little about myself, you might be able to offer me some guidance or point me in the right direction.
Family Background
I’m a 26-year-old Nigerian, the last of seven children — five girls and two boys. All the girls came first, then my older brother, and finally me.
For clarity, I’ll give placeholder names for my family members in order of birth: Beatrice, Samantha, Amanda, Jane, Victoria, Brian, and me, Eric.
To be honest, there are serious issues in my family. I understand that every home has its challenges, but sometimes I feel ours is overwhelming. These problems began as far back as my parents’ early marriage. They tried to keep things hidden, but those unresolved issues affected how we were raised. Now, as my parents have grown older, the problems have escalated beyond what any of us can manage.
I don’t know much about my parents’ early years together because that was long before I was born. But from what I’ve gathered, when my parents got married, my mother took in some of my father’s younger siblings so my father could train and support them since he was financially stable at the time (he’s the second-born among many brothers and two sisters). My father did his best for them until one by one they left; some succeeded, some didn’t. He also tried to set up some businesses for my mother, though for reasons I don’t fully know, those ventures didn’t succeed.
My mother gave birth to my five sisters, and after much prayer, she gave birth to a boy, my older brother. But according to my mother, some of my father’s brothers didn’t want my parents to have a male child, probably fearing that a son would inherit my father’s property, especially a house in our village, rather than it being passed on to them. (This is rooted in certain traditional beliefs.) Some of my uncles began spreading rumors that he was adopted and not my father’s biological son. My mother prayed again, conceived once more, and then I was born. This shamed my uncles, who could no longer defend their fabrications. In reprise, they allegedly tried everything, spiritually and otherwise, to harm us. But by God’s sovereign grace, their plans didn’t succeed.
Childhood
Growing up as the lastborn, my parents, especially my mother, raised my brother and me in a way that made us weak and overly dependent. We were kind of overpampered and overprotected, and we never taught basic skills young men ought to learn, like building things or working with our hands, exploring the world on our own by going out of the house to events, or something like that.
It wasn’t like I didn’t want to do things or go out. It’s because my mother always kept me indoors ever since I was young — what people in the West call being “grounded”. I experienced this almost daily. And it wasn’t just me. All of us children were hardly ever allowed out of the house. I think my parents’ motive was fear, that I or my siblings might mix with the wrong crowd or befriend the wrong people.
In high school, I longed to play and hang out with my classmates after school. But every day, my mother would come to pick me up immediately. Many times I begged her to let me walk home with my classmates, but she always refused. I thought that was the only way I could bond with them outside the school environment, yet my parents would not allow it.
Even as I grew older, I couldn’t leave the house without first asking permission. If it were just a short trip nearby, I might be allowed to go, but if it were farther away, it was usually a firm “No.” And whenever I approached my father about going somewhere, his response was always, “Go and ask your mother.” That wore me down. I often wished for a strong and authoritative father who could lead my brother and me into becoming strong men. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that.
I often sensed that my father wasn’t comfortable with the way my mother was raising us, but out of fear of her constant bickering (largely to blame him for his past mistakes in their marriage — he had cheated on her, and he would often expose his family’s flaws to outsiders), he chose to stay silent.
This constant confinement affected me, and not only me, but also my brother. This upbringing made me soft-spoken, shy, and introverted. Deep down, though, I knew I wasn’t really an introvert; I admired people who were outgoing and could easily start conversations. Over time, I began using YouTube as a tool to overcome this weakness. By God’s grace, I can now say my introversion has lessened to the point where I lean more toward being an ambivert. I’m still a work in progress, but I’ve made great strides.
Parents
Case Study 1: His Mother’s Character and Faith Beliefs
My mother is a staunch, charismatic, Word-of-Faith, prosperity believer. She places immense significance on dreams, visions, and “hearing God’s voice” outside of Scripture, something I don’t personally believe in. These beliefs cause many problems.
For example, anytime we have issues, she gaslights me with the story of my birth. She says that during a church service, the pastor declared, “There are babies everywhere! Angels are distributing babies! Grab your own now!” She claims she had a vision at that moment, in which a male child was thrown into her stomach. Sure enough, she later became pregnant, and I was born. Therefore, she says I was “born at the altar”.
Furthermore, given the way she has led our family by exercising authority over my father, and how she has insulted my father because of disagreements in the past, it’s reason enough for me not to trust anything she claims to hear from the Lord, even if what she says usually comes to pass. (I often wonder why my father never claims to have such experiences.)
I am seriously breaking away from all of that. I need to focus on a biblical church where Christ is preached and exalted. I know she doesn’t understand; after 30+ years in a Pentecostal charismatic church, it won’t be easy for her to let that go. But even if she doesn’t want to open her mind, why must she restrict me from going to a place that aligns with my convictions? Why must she look down on it and assume it’s not Christian without even giving it a listening ear?
Don’t even get me started on her opinions about marriage, which was another point of our argument yesterday. She said that if a husband and wife disagree on something, it is the wife’s role to persuade the husband not to do what he stands on doing; which is another way of saying the husband should do what the wife wants. I don’t think she has ever listened to sound sermons on headship, authority, and submission in marriage in all her years of going to church, but what can you expect from a church where the wives are “co-pastors“?
Case Study 2: His Father’s Character and Stance
Anytime a disagreement in the family came up, my father used to revert to my mother’s opinion, and he let her make the major decisions. My father never had a word of his own as a man, perhaps due to guilt over mistakes he made early in their marriage that my mother continues to hold against him.
Last year, I told my father that I wanted to attend a different church that I found online [Reformed Baptist]. He told me to discuss it with my mother, which I didn’t want to do. He refused to give me his own opinion until after he reported it to her. Once she decided she was against it, he immediately fell in line and told me not to go. Out of respect for him at the time, I obeyed.
But then he broke from her control when my eldest sister, Beatrice (now 45) wanted to get married. He went ahead and gave his blessing without my mother’s approval. [They married in 2025. More on this below.]
Since then, my father and my mother no longer see eye-to-eye, despite living in the same house. While my father was against me going to this church last year, he now supports me. He says I should be careful and wise, but if it’s something I’m convinced about, then I should go. But no one prepares food for him anymore except me, because he now always asks me to.
Siblings
As for my sisters, they’ve always carried a distorted view of marriage, men, and motherhood. I believe this perspective came largely from my mother’s influence, and the Pentecostal church in Nigeria’s view on it, combined with the lies of modern society, and it has become deeply ingrained in them. I wish I could help, but whenever I try to share a different perspective, they dismiss me as if I don’t know what I’m talking about. So I leave them to believe whatever they choose.
Case Study 3: Steve and Beatrice
At the start of the year (2025), my eldest sister Beatrice began seeing a man introduced to her by a colleague at work. Let’s call him Steve. At first, she disliked him because, as she said, his voice sounded old, and she wasn’t interested. But over time, she decided to give him a chance and eventually told my mother about him.
Since they lived in different states, their relationship was mostly through phone calls and chats, which the entire family noticed since we all live together in the same house in the city. Two of my siblings — Samantha and Jane warned Beatrice not to make herself too available to Steve, but she didn’t take their advice. She continued giving him her time and attention. My mother, however, soon began to dislike the relationship. Later, my father found out about Steve and eventually spoke with him over the phone. Surprisingly, he seemed to get along with him.
Then things grew complicated. My mother and two of my sisters claimed that Steve attended what they considered a heretical church; one that places special reverence on angels and perhaps dabbles in New Age practices. Beatrice denied this. She wanted Steve to come down and formally meet our parents. My father was open to the idea, but my mother absolutely refused. She wanted nothing to do with Steve and told my father to make Beatrice end the relationship. He didn’t, though, because with Beatrice nearing 45 and none of his daughters yet married, he was deeply concerned. This created fresh tension in the family, reigniting old wounds and adding even more conflict to an already strained household.
Steve and Beatrice married later this year [2025], but this conflict has caused an ongoing division in our family.
Case Study 4: Amanda
Sadly, I recently lost one of my sisters, Amanda, to a chronic illness that was exacerbated by other underlying health issues and stress. According to the doctors, it was a pulmonary embolism, something she had been struggling with for some time. It became more noticeable last year, but after treatment, her condition improved — for a time. What she really needed was rest and a less stressful lifestyle. Unfortunately, the constant conflict and terrible drama in my family that followed Beatrice’s marriage, in which my father broke from my mother’s control, sadly led to Amanda’s passing. To this day, my mother curses my father and my married sister, Beatrice, blaming them for her death.
Case Study 5: Victoria
My youngest elder sister, Victoria, now in her mid-30s, is the coolest of them all and the one I talk to the most. She is aware of my beliefs and my new church’s doctrines, and she supports them. She is even critical of many Nigerian Pentecostal doctrines herself. Unlike the others, she is eager to learn and understand what is truly biblical. Because of this, my mother also treats her unfairly, seeing her as a traitor for not blindly following her lead, not just in my case, but in any disagreement, including the marriage of my eldest sister.
Case Study 6: Broken Brother Brian
Almost a decade ago, my brother Brian used to go his own way, trying to explore and build a life as a man. He wanted to leave home to find his footing. He wanted to explore, network, and hustle for himself instead of relying on our parents, but they stopped him. He has shared his own story with me of how our parents forcefully shut down his attempts to break free, meet people, and build his own life. They abused and insulted him and used every means to control him. My mother used the same emotional pressure tactics with Brian as she did with me: “You know how I cried and pleaded with God for you! Why are you hurting me? Do you want me to die before my time?” He tried to fight it, but they managed to break him down and bring him back home. This went on for two or three years. His story is lengthy, and I won’t delve into it fully because, unfortunately, he hasn’t been able to solve his problem.
Since then, I’ve noticed this is a pattern. My father and mother have always tried to stop anything we do that they don’t agree with.
Years ago, they used to try to get him a civil service job, but he didn’t want to rely solely on that because it might not work out for him in the long run. They are still trying to help him secure a similar job, to no avail. He’s been out of work for so long that no one will take him.
Now, almost a decade later, he’s almost 32, and he’s still here, living at home. He has no job, no money, no close friends, no mentors, no wife or prospects, no motivation, no purpose, and no direction. He doesn’t attend church regularly. Although he’s still trying to land a job, he just stays indoors all day, feeling depressed and hopeless.
He’s just lost … completely lost!
Seeing my elder brother in this situation is a stark warning for me. However, he is fully supportive of me. He told me he completely understands how I feel, as he has gone through something similar.
Summary
[Partially ghostwritten by Jack.]
My parents are in constant conflict because my mother refuses to see the value of Biblical male headship and female submission.
My aunts and uncles conspire to undermine our family, wrest inheritances from my father, and they’ve spread false, destructive rumors to further their schemes.
My only brother has no job, no money, no friends, no wife nor prospects for marriage, and he is depressed and without hope.
My oldest sister, Beatrice, recently married, but due to her age, she will probably not have any children. Because my father approved of her marriage and my mother objected to it, this caused a major rift that has split the family into two camps, roughly men vs women.
My third oldest sister, Amanda, perished due to chronic health issues and the constant stress of living in our home.
My remaining 3 sisters are unmarried and childless well into their mid-30’s, late 30’s, and early 40’s, and because of their age, even if they were to marry, they will probably remain childless.
My second and fourth oldest sisters, Samantha and Jane, are particularly stubborn in siding with my mother. They will often gang up with each other to support each other, make their case, and carry out their schemes. Even though my father began to stand up to them lately, the men in my family remain powerless against them. We are always trapped in a stalemate that is uncomfortable, troublesome, and discouraging for the men, but always seems to empower the women.
All the women in my family, except maybe Victoria (#5), have a very myopic view about headship and even against my (Reformed Baptist) church because of their stance against women pastors, saying it’s discrimination and making women seem invaluable. This is something they’ve gotten from my Mother, her Pentecostal Word of Faith views on marriage and marital roles, as well as social media and entertainment.
Honestly, a man who knows what he wants and values in a woman will reject them in a second, especially someone like me who is Red Pill aware. I admit I’m nowhere close to being a masculine man in any way, I’m just aware of these things, thanks to my love for reading and learning anything I can learn that is valuable and will give me wisdom, as I have no one to teach me the ways of the world since I’m usually indoors every day. But I will stand by what I believe is true.
That should give you a clearer picture of the toxic environment I’m in. Honestly, if you saw my family now, you would be both amazed and deeply saddened.
Related
- The Cable Lifestyle: Four reasons why Nigerian parents are so controlling (2019/11/10)
- Σ Frame: Christian Headship Authority (2024/1/10)
- Σ Frame: The Manosphere Blogger’s Prayer (2024/6/15)
- Σ Frame (Oscar): Son-Husbands and Devouring Mothers (2025/1/10)
- Cooper Stuff: Cooper Stuff Ep. 227 – Christian Genocide in Nigeria w/ Mike Arnold (2025/11/17)
- Fox News: Nigeria named epicenter of global killings of Christians over faith in 2025, report says (2026/1/13)
