A pastor’s wife who is incapable of normal sexual relations leads to the downfall of a spectacular ministry.
Readership: All; Christian Men
Theme: Christian Community; Metacognitions; The Christian Red Pill
Length: 1,000 words
Reading Time: 5 minutes
Intro
In the previous post, the 2 situations of divorce that Tubal Cain mentioned are both examples in which the wife was clearly at fault. Here’s another true anecdote in which the husband / pastor was more or less at fault, catalyzed by his wife’s incapability of fulfilling marital duties (i.e., normal sexual relations). I’ll call this Case Study C.
The Baptist Super Pastor
When I was a young boy growing up in the late 1970s, my family regularly attended a large Baptist Church. The pastor was the best preacher I’ve ever heard in my whole life. I still remember many of his sermons to this day.
As a result of this pastor’s leadership and exquisite preaching, the church’s membership doubled and then tripled in less than two years. A larger sanctuary was constructed to accommodate the massive congregation, and then it became the largest church in this pleasant mid-west suburb (at that time).
The Sex Starved Super Pastor
Then…
His wife, who happened to be very attractive, submissive, and supportive — an ideal pastor’s wife — had some kind of medical condition that suddenly got much worse at the same time that his fame and influence were reaching a zenith. I wasn’t privy to the details, being so young, but I clearly understood, even as an 8 year old boy, that her health condition made her incapable of fulfilling her marital duties (i.e., satisfying sexual relations).
Meanwhile…
The church’s head secretary was married to a man who traveled on business and was frequently away from home for days or weeks at a time.
So here we have the basic Red Pill recipe for an affair.
- Husband A is a famous pastor / situational Alpha.
- Wife B works as a helper to Husband A.
- Husband A is not getting enough satisfactory sex from his wife A.
- Wife B is separated from her husband B for long periods of time.
- Husband A and Wife B spend long hours working together every day.
So you can already guess what happened next.
The Scandal
Several months after the pastor’s wife’s hospitalization, the pastor was seen taking a motorcycle joyride with the church’s secretary. (He didn’t own or normally ride a motorcycle.) They were touching each other in a ‘familiar’ way, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company.
Rumors spread. Then it became a scandal.
I don’t know if they actually had sexual relations. They both denied it. Nevertheless, they were seeing a lot of each other outside their duties at church, so it constituted a love affair. No matter if they had sex or not, this was enough to mar his reputation.
In response to the congregation’s outcry, he resigned from the pastorate and took a job working as a carpet salesman. He was very good at selling products, as well as beliefs and ideas.
Nobody divorced in the sensational melee, which made me believe they were technically innocent. However, a few years later, the pastor divorced his still sick wife, which then made me believe this incident (either his wife’s illness / sexlessness, and/or being condemned as an adulterer and summarily evicted from the pastorate), struck a fatal blow to him, not only to his career as a super preacher, but also to his faithfulness to his wife.
Needless to say, he never served as an ordained pastor again. Nevertheless, he remained active and present in the local evangelical community and continued to be highly esteemed by pastors and deacons in evangelical churches of different denominations, including multiple Baptist churches of different strains (American Baptist, Independent Baptist, Southern Baptist), Lutheran, and Nazarene. Moreover, he was clearly recognized in the community as a man of the cloth, despite his sullied reputation. That was truly his identity in Christ.
Closing
A long while back, I visited a Nazarene church that my step-mother attended, which was in the same suburb, and I met him there by chance. He recognized me immediately (as my father’s son; my father was a deacon during the time that he was a pastor). He called me by name to the elders standing around him, saying, “Hey! That’s Brian’s boy! That’s Jack!” I recognized him, too. He took both my hands and talked with me for a while until the service started. I felt deeply honored and humbled, like I had returned ‘home’ after a long time.
I was deeply touched by this recognition. He remembered me, even though I had grown into adulthood and more than 20 years had passed. My belief in his election was confirmed, despite the past controversies. He had a heart for people — his flock, not just the fame, fortune, and notoriety of being a super pastor.
I always thought it was a travesty that he couldn’t continue preaching. He was the best preacher ever, IMO. I wonder what he would’ve become if not for the difficulties posed by his sick wife. How could he have impacted the church and people’s faith if he had not been disqualified through the temptations posed by his unfortunate marital situation?
It’s sad that men are so acutely affected by their constant, dire need for companionship and sex, and when these needs are not satisfied on a regular basis, they invariably fail to reach their fullest potential, or at worst, fall into the devices of the Devil.
Looking back, I wonder about the curious timing of his wife’s illness. If not for that snafu, he might have well become a very influential and noteworthy persona in the Evangelical church. Was it a subtle test of faith placed on this pastor by the Lord? Was it a direct attack on the church from Satan? I’ll never know.
Related
- Σ Frame: If the Pastor’s Wife ain’t Holy, ain’t Nobody Holy (2026/1/19)
