They are NOT the same.  Not anymore.

Readership: All; Men; Single Men; Pastors; Mentors;
Theme: The Gift of Singleness; Overcoming Challenges;
Author’s Note: The contents of this post are based on comments under previous posts.  Links to the original comments are embedded in the initial words.
Length: 1,400 words
Reading Time: 8 minutes

Foreword

Commenters Joe2 and SurfDumb introduced some pertinent insights about the modern ‘plight’ of singleness.  Their ideas have since been mentioned several times in many comments and a few posts (see posts listed below under Related, published after 2024).  Here, I’ll add a few of my own epiphanies to explain and expand their ideas into an exposition for our discussion and future reference.  Their ideas are closely related, I think, but I’ll present them in 2 separate posts.  This post will examine Joe2’s idea, and the next will explore SurfDumb’s idea.

Celibacy vs Singleness

Joe2 brought our attention to the differentiation between celibacy and singleness that we are now seeing in the SMP and especially in the Christian MMP.

He wrote,

“We are all born into this world single, so being single in and of itself is not a gift but simply a fact of life that affects all humans.

The Gift of Singleness, as mentioned by Paul in I Corinthians 7, must be a gift that is unique, otherwise he is stating the obvious.

I believe Paul is using the gift of singleness as a euphemism for the gift of celibacy. A Christian man with a normal libido has a desire for intimacy and sexual release. On his own effort, he can suppress the expression of these desires only for so long without causing some psychological or emotional damage or resorting to the use of P0rn, etc. Yet with the gift of celibacy, it is possible for a man to do just that.

What we are experiencing now is a forced celibacy for Christian men with a normal libido without a concomitant outpouring of the gift of celibacy. Yes, some men have this gift, but it’s very few.”

In so many words, Joe2 is proposing that…

The Gift of Celibacy ≠ The Gift of Singleness

You read that right.  Not anymore.

They should be synonymous for a Christian, but the current social conditions are leading us to reconsider this assumption because they are NOT the same for some men (depending on the individual man’s constitution). However, this carries a lot of implications that we have not yet thought through.

So here are some things to consider.

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The Gift of Celibacy Should Lead to Sanctification

In terms of thinking through the Biblical passages about The Gift of Singleness (as St. Paul described of himself in 1 Corinthians 7:25-40), the idea of being able to be satisfied as celibate makes sense.  In this case, Single = Celibate.

OTOH, if a man finds that his (biological) libido is so demanding, urgent, onerous, and problematic that it keeps him perpetually tied up in a fit of frustration (i.e. lust, p0rn, jerking off, etc.) and thus prevents him from growing in faith, then it stands to reason that he does NOT have The Gift of Celibacy, whether he is single or not.  In this case, Single ≠ Celibate.

Joe2 thought St. Paul was referring to both ideas as one and the same, but he could not square the implications in the current SMP/MMP in which marriage is not an option for many men.  The implication is that men who do NOT have the Gift of Celibacy will not be able to find Sanctification, or at least, not until their libido recedes in late middle age.

The Gift of Singleness Allows One to Avoid “Trouble in the Flesh”

In verse 25, Paul writes that he had no commandment from the Lord concerning virgins, but advised people to stay single in order to avoid “trouble in the flesh” (i.e. all the intersexual quandaries explained by The Red Pill).  We can only speculate as to what St. Paul might say in the present conditions.  However, SurfDumb observed that the modern version of the Gift of Singleness lies in realizing that the best choice for some men is to remain single, which more or less agrees with St. Paul’s stance.

He writes,

“In the past, the Gift of Singleness was generally recognized in those with a flaccid, limp, or non-existing libido that permitted them to exercise full self-control and thereby escape the impetus of carnal desires and the impurities of lust.  But if the Gift of Singleness is regarded differently due to the times we are now in, the Gift of Singleness might be in realizing that the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. Maybe the Gift of Singleness now includes men who decide they can glorify God better by NOT being attached to a 40% divorce risk, and 80% burden-risk.”

Right.  But if a man does NOT have The Gift of Celibacy, then he’s going to have trouble in the flesh no matter if he is single or married. He’ll have trouble with his wife if he marries, or else he’ll have trouble with his own fleshly nature if he is single.  There’s no way around it.

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The Trouble of Having Neither The Gift of Celibacy Nor The Gift of Singleness

The standard Christian view has always been that marriage is the only permissible context for sexual intercourse.  However, Marriage may very well NOT be an effective solution to the problem of Lust.  But either way, nowadays, many men are being forced into a situation where marriage is not really an option.

The trouble with not finding a wife is that it leaves a young man who doesn’t have The Gift of Celibacy frustrated and stuck in a rut of lust (i.e. an addiction to p0rn and jerking off) which may destroy any chance of spiritual growth for most of these men.

Moreover, NOT having either The Gift of Celibacy or The Gift of Singleness means that a man is going to have perpetual trouble in the flesh with no avenue of sanctification.  That sounds like hell.

For men in this condition, there is another issue to consider as to whether regular sexual congress (i.e. marriage in a Christian context), or to be more amorally specific, regular ejaculation (e.g. masturbation or sex), is an actionable and effective solution to this difficulty.  Assuming that it is (as St. Paul suggested of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:9), then what are the conditions that would allow this need to be sufficiently satiated such to allow one to get on with a normal life and/or grow in one’s spiritual life?  Is full legal marriage really necessary, or is ejaculation sufficient?

I hate to encourage this, but if a single man is already in a habit of getting off somehow, then it is absolutely necessary for him to determine how ejaculation outside a sanctified marital union affects his spiritual life, especially if it is detrimental in any way.  (See posts listed below for starters.)

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Conclusions

In summary, today’s situation is the same as what St. Paul described concerning those who have the Gift of Celibacy / Singleness, but it is quite different for those who do NOT, because marriage is either NOT an option, or it’s a very unwise option (leading to things worse than lust), or it cannot solve the problem of lust.

From a spiritual perspective, it has been suggested that accepting RP truths may be enough, but again, this only applies to those men who already have the Gift of Celibacy and just need some mental floss to accept it.  For others, taking the Red Pill may NOT be enough to resolve the problem of desire.

Further, we have no social structure (e.g. Christian community) that is conducive to forming Christian marriages.  Worse, widespread sexual immorality and the feminist tinged teachings that typify every young person’s upbringing prevent young people from setting a good trajectory that would be necessary to ensure a good outcome. 

Without this structure, every single person is left to fend for themselves in finding a mate.  Then there is the confounding issue of NOT even being able to discern an opportunity for a legitimate course of action towards a promising marriage. 

How can men who have neither The Gift of Celibacy (able to find sanctification through abstaining) nor The Gift of Singleness (able to avoid trouble in the flesh) get out of this rut in the present SMP/MMP?  For the sake of young men’s souls, we must brainstorm on these things and pray for an answer.

Red Pill Apostle offered a bullet list of solutions here, but none are quick or easy, and all come with tradeoffs.

Thank you, Joe2.  This is really useful for us to ponder.

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