…that erodes men’s sense of discernment.

Readership: Men
Theme: The Gift of Singleness; Overcoming Obstacles;
Author’s Note: This post condenses a conversation under A Blinding Obsession (2022/4/15).  Links to the original comments are embedded in the initial words.
Length: 2,000 words
Reading Time: 11 minutes

Intro

The three posts last week highlighted the tribulations of male libido and lust and reflected on three very common but rather unfulfilling venues in which men attempt to ameliorate this physio-psychological-spiritual burden.

But the question remains: How is a Christian man to gain mastery over his own sexual desires such that it doesn’t prevent him from attaining self-actualization?

Here, I’ll posit that obtaining sexual relief does not lie in what a man does in the flesh, but in mastering his own Inner Game.

This essay will provide some feed for thoughts about how this masculine ordeal might be dealt with through the inner workings of the heart.

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The Scarcity Principle

When people believe, or are made to believe, that a specific item is in high demand, or is rare, or the opportunity to obtain that item has dwindled or is rapidly dissapearing, then we are more likely to do whatever it takes to obtain that item before the supply runs out.  People are idiotic enough to act this way even when the item is useless or they have no need for it.

This peculiar behavioral phenomenon was first described by social psychologists as a Scarcity vs. Abundance Mentality and are thus concepts that predate the Manosphere.

The Scarcity Principle has implications in economic / game theory that makes it a commonly observable phenomenon.  For example, the Scarcity Principle is why the Home Shopping Network has a countdown in the corner of the screen.

“Only 15 left.”

“Hurry, while supplies last!”

And so on.

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Scarcity Mentality

You can probably also see the Scarcity Principle playing out in many other areas of our lives, but here I’ll focus on one in particular.  It’s the idea that women are a scarce commodity in a man’s life, and how men will do backflips just to ‘score’ and/or hang on to one particular girl, even one who is remarkably low quality or one who is of decent quality but is very high maintenance or who does not offer much of any satisfaction in a relationship.

Another subcategory of the Scarcity Mentality is what the Manosphere calls “One-itis”.  It is when Men walk around pining for a girl they have latched on to with their orbiting crush behavior, or the one they just lost in a break up, believing that this girl was their “soul mate” or their One-And-Only “True Love.” They feel they must heroically tolerate any kind of selfish BS she might dish out, or dashingly forgive every instance of betrayal or infidelity, and do everything within their power to make the relationship ‘work’.  They believe this because of everything from Lancelot to John Hughes.

The Scarcity Mentality is more than just a mind-numbing hunger pang for P00n.  It is brain dead men throwing their lives away in an extravagance of fantasy, fem-centric vanities, idolatrous female pedestalization, self-destruction, and waste — all for the fleeting attentions of a capricious woman who doesn’t give a rat’s @ss about them.

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This anomaly of the male nature is exacerbated by the culture and by women themselves.  It is important (to women) for men to fester and flounder in a Scarcity Mentality because the female preferred mating strategy is serial monogamy, and hopefully sticking the landing on one who is presumed to be the last.  If more men (or all men in the best / worst case scenario) are stuck in this mentality, especially the super sexy hot alphas that women actually want, then they can be manipulated to the full bend of the feminine imperative.

In short, a male with a Scarcity Mentality forfeits his masculine power to females, and enables women’s bad / immature behavior and hypoagenticity.

Abundance Mentality

Abundance mentality then, is the idea (or simply just knowing in your heart) that there are a million more where she came from, and if you just wait for a half-second, another one will come along shortly.  Like buses, or fish in the sea, or whatever metaphor you choose.

There are some things a man can do to increase his abundance mentality, but the usual caveats apply (most of it is genetic / developmental).  Also, if you’ve never had “Meet Cutes” because of intrinsic interpersonal weirdness, you will probably latch on to any girl that looks in your direction, and be susceptible to One-itis.

To begin with, many men adopt an ego-reinforcing, self-sustaining mantra to keep themselves in the quick. Rollo’s quip, “No matter how hot she is, there is some guy out there who is sick of her sh!t”, is my favorite one.  But it takes regular mental discipline, day in and day out, to nail down the sense of masculine self-sufficiency behind an Abundance Mentality.  It involves laying down the desire for feminine companionship, inspiration, and sexual stimulation, and focusing on one’s internal locus of control (described below), building a healthy ego, developing Frame, and forming a solid mental self-image of being a masculine man.

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Poverty Mentality

The primary problem faced by Men who walk around with a Scarcity Mentality and/or who have “One-itis”, is that they are victims of their own lusts, and this is exacerbated by having a Devouring Mother, all of which was described in earlier posts.  Their weakness for lust and ‘feminine love and affection’ is what screws up their inner game and makes them wussified.  This weakness is also the same reason why women pass them over.  Then they feel rejected and become desperate, and this increases their lusts and reinforces their Scarcity Mentality.  It’s a stronghold.

At some point along the way, the particular trains of thought associated with a Scarcity Mentality gel in a man’s consciousness and it becomes an ingrained belief characterized by habitual thought patterns of self-defeat — what I call a Poverty Mentality.  Commenter Malcolm Reynolds described this as ‘Learned Helplessness’. This is when a man gets the notion that what he desires is out of reach, and always will be, and he then internalizes this as a supernatural rejection.  Meanwhile, he’ll stew in his unfulfilled desires until the frustration drives him bonkers.  This desire could be almost anything, like having a particular woman desire him (e.g. One-itis), female companionship, having a GF or wife, pounding pristine P_ssy, emotional intimacy, romantic love, unconditional love, or something else.  But it doesn’t matter.  The effect is the same.

Of note, a Poverty Mentality often occurs in men who don’t know themselves very well at all, and so knowing one’s self can help avert the development of a Poverty Mentality.

Also, the term “Poverty Mentality” differentiates from “Scarcity Mentality” in that it puts the focus on one’s attitude and beliefs, NOT the market conditions.  (This could be confusing too, because “poverty” is associated with financial destitution.  But here I mean it to describe a spiritual destitution.)

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Poverty Mentality = Lust

“Lust” is a weird word that evades a concrete general definition that would evoke livid mental images of exactly how it is expressed and the harm it does.

The Bible uses the descriptor “concupiscence” as a synonym for lust, but this word is nearly archaic and doesn’t offer much more insight towards an understanding.

It is hard to nail down a concise definition of lust because it is an abstract spiritual disposition, and not so much an observable behavior. But if I were to assign a set of behaviors that are associated with lust (for men), it would be feelings of chronic loneliness, intense unresolved desires, a weakened ego, and an addiction to masturbation and p0rnography (the latter is an idol associated with lust).

So this is my argument that a habitual, ingrained, ongoing Poverty Mentality, in comparison to an Abundance Mentality as I’ve described above, is equivalent to concupiscence / lust. Yes, it is a correlation, and it’s got some variant noise, but it’s a strong correlation. I urge readers to ponder on this correlation so as to arrive at similar epiphanies of self-knowledge (and self-mastery) as I’ve been able to obtain from this. Go up and read it again until it sinks into your conscious awareness.

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Abundance Mentality vs Locus of Control

Is having an Abundance Mentality not the same thing as Charisma / Rizz / Meet Cute Mojo? How are these related?

The Manosphere has long made the point that having an Abundance Mentality is a key characteristic of efficacious masculinity. I believe the “Meet Cute Mojo”, etc. correlates with having an Abundance Mentality, but there are other factors as well.

Scott said he thinks this is why he has been so “successful” in this regard.  He wrote,

“I have generally suffered in between LTRs and other less-than-ideal situations from One-itis with an intrinsic knowledge of the reality of the situation.  Eventually, I snap out of it and back to abundance as soon as I “want” to or feel I have sufficiently processed the death of the previous relationship.”

In the past, Scott said he felt like he had no control over when he got his “Meet Cute Mojo” back after a break up.  Sometimes it took weeks, and other times it took a year or two.  But then he wrote,

“Looking back, I realize now that I was always in complete control of that process.”

So what’s going on with this phenomenon?

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One of the key factors is that the last whiff of any residual Lust / Poverty Mentality has to be completely gone. Seeing how Lust (i.e. indulging in sexual fantasy, p0rn, and jerking) is often adopted as an anesthetic cope for Poverty Mentality / Rejection, I think this is why it takes most men some amount of time to recover.

Scott said a man’s locus of control is another important factor.

“I think the point I am making here is the difference between actually having no control and perceiving [that you have control].  It’s locus of control stuff.”

Yes, it’s locus of control stuff.  The odd thing about this is that as long as a man cannot perceive that he has control, he doesn’t actually have control, whether the potential is there or not.  As long as a man is living in fantasy land and/or suffering from One-itis, he’ll not have a stable, reliable locus of control, his discernment will suffer, he’ll not come up on women’s radar, he’ll be oblivious to new opportunities, and will therefore miss them.

“When I think about the periods in between when I was wallowing in self-doubt and believing that I found the one true love who got away, it was all mindset.  Some of it was aesthetic, to be honest.  You sort of “have” to act that way so as to make it look like you’re good for the cameras (your peers).”

That period of wallowing in self-doubt is a time when men grapple with the issues and learn that they DO have agency and control, and that they CAN move past it.  Some men can do this in a short time, others longer, while some never “get it”.

“Never underestimate the power of conditioning.”

Yes, and I would guess this largely depends on a man’s overall track record / trajectory.

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Conclusions

In summary, there are several key factors that feed into the thinking and the deeper beliefs behind self-actualization (or the lack thereof).

  1. Abundance Mentality
  2. Absolutely NO Lust / Poverty Mentality
  3. Internal Locus of Control
  4. Positive Conditioning
  5. Track Record / Trajectory

There may be other factors specific to the individual man, but these 5 are crucially necessary and can make all the difference.

Of course, even if a man does all the hard work of developing these aspects of his persona, he will always struggle against lust.  Except now this challenge can be winnable.

Best wishes to all my readers.

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