Being ‘Good’ is NOT good enough.

Readership: All
Targeted Readership: Single Men; Mentors of Single Men;
Theme: Boundaries; Virtue; Virtue in Relationships;
Author’s Note: This essay was submitted on 2023/10/2 by a long-time happily married female reader who wishes to remain anonymous.  Reorganized and expanded by Jack.
Length: 1,100 words
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Foreword

The MAJORITY of women DO want to marry “someday”.  They are looking for a husband, but ONLY AFTER they have “experimented” a bit.  This is even true with supposedly Christian girls, unfortunately. Those girls are not god-fearing women.  They’re just worldly chickadees who claim to be Christians for whatever reason.

But here, I am talking about young, pure, marriage-worthy women, NOT “experimenting experience seekers”, NOT Post-Wall repentant s1uts.  The assumption here is that the woman is young, chaste, modest, and self-controlled. Again, just because this type of woman is rare does not mean she does not exist.  And this is exactly the type of woman men want for marriage.

Good Women’s View of Men

There is a difference between women who are looking for a One-Night-Stand or a One-Year-Stand, women who want to “experiment” or gain “experiences” (or have in the past), and chaste Christian women looking for a husband.  A Christian woman wants to see if the man is faithful and responsible before anything sexual happens.  And BTW, ‘confidence’ is often mentioned as an indication of ‘faithful’ — there is a correlation.

There are many Christian women who are frustrated with so called Christian men, NOT because these men are NOT 6-6-6 studs, but because most men in the The Beta Factory church are Simps. They are desperate beyond measure and they don’t have enough confidence / faith to break away from the faux-masculine mold and make a relationship work long term.

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Continuing the ideas from my previous post, men who are weak in faith are not able to discern that her refusal MAY NOT be an indicator of frigidity. She just may be the self-controlled CHRISTIAN woman that a man is looking to marry — a woman who is acting on her boundaries to KEEP her chastity and NOT acting out her sexual attraction.  This is a green flag for a man, but ONLY IF he can read her accurately.  If he cannot, then it is a red flag for women.

Also, men too are also looking to “experiment” and are unsettled about whether they really want or are ready to commit.  This is true for both Ch@d types and non-Ch@d types, as well as Christian men too, unfortunately.  Christian women can sense this and they rightly withdraw from such men.

The way that men express the strength of faith that Christian women are looking for in a man is when he demonstrates masculine dominance by pushing the boundaries (both secular and Christian) to test a woman’s character and to build trust.  There is also a sense of self-awareness that plays into this — that the man is discerning, that he is careful that he is not being strung along by a woman who is NOT sexually attracted to him or who is using him, and that he is both conscious of his sphere of influence and conscientious of those within it.  Women can sense these things and it feeds into her equations for attraction and Heart Trust.  (These things MUST be in place for arousal to occur.)

All this is to say that a woman wants a man who “just gets it”, as it is often said in the Manosphere.  Being ‘Good’ is NOT good enough to pass a good woman’s filters.

Bad Women’s View of Men

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Women who are NOT so good won’t care about these things because they’re NOT looking for an LTR leading to marriage or they couldn’t care less about whether the man is marriage material.  These women are looking for other things in a man, e.g. having an agreeable cooperative orbiter / pedestalizer, an anesthetic diversion, a sympathetic ear, affirmation, attention, emotional support, fun, security, sex, validation, $$$, or just someone to fix and carry stuff for her, etc.  These women will USE the undiscerning man — the man who doesn’t “get it” — and then toss him aside after she obtains what she wants out of him. As much as the man might hope and want and wish and try, there is no intention of marriage in her mind. The very idea is ridiculous to her because he doesn’t “get it”.

Worse, an evil woman might intentionally lure an undiscerning man into a relationship or marriage because he doesn’t “get it” — for the very reason that she can dominate the relationship and control him for her own nefarious purposes. A marriage of this type will inevitably destroy the man (and the children too) and will never glorify God.

Conclusions

To dumb this down for the average male reader, if you are expecting self-control and chastity and sexual monogamy from a woman who is open-mouthed kissing on the first date just because you spent a few dollars on a coffee for her, then sure! She IS sexually attracted to you and she is ACTING on it. But is she really a good MARRIAGE option?  NOT a One-Night-Stand option, but a MARRIAGE option?

The answer to this question is not so cut and dried, because some virtuous women will push and pull on the boundaries of decency just to test the man’s reaction and see how discerning and responsive he is. (This is NOT the same as Comfort Testing or Fitness Testing and has different tactics aimed to invite or test his dominance.) Undiscerning men will naturally find this annoying and confusing, and may think it is not very virtuous of a woman to be testing him like that, but actually, that is part of the test. That is how virtuous women behave. She needs to know that he is faithful and trustworthy before she will go any further. OTOH, the non-virtuous woman will have other things on her mind and won’t care whether he is discerning or trustworthy or not.

If a man can’t sense her stance or figure this out (in spite of the mixed signals that reflect her level of sophistication in the Mating Dance), then a virtuous woman will conclude that he’s a dolt and/or is NOT ready for marriage, no matter how much he might want it or need it.  Again, this is what the Manosphere means in saying a woman wants a man who “just gets it”.

A good woman will move on to the next suitor, while a bad woman will proceed to dominate the relationship — because she already knows he cannot.

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