Purpose, NOT politeness!

Readership: All
Targeted Readership: Men
Theme: Virtue
Author’s Note: This essay is based on an email exchange on 2022/12/17-18 with a reader who wishes to remain anonymous.
Length: 1,300 words
Reading Time: 7 minutes

A Nice Code of Conduct has Corrupted how Good Conduct is Perceived

The weaker and more emotional sex becomes offended rather easily.  They carry a chip on their shoulder, are quick to take everything personally, and have a hair-trigger on their anger.  In all this, they often fail to realize that just because a man / husband does NOT care about their FEELINGS, it does NOT mean he doesn’t care about HER.

As the recipient, it is Ouch! OUCH! and double OUCH! But the humiliation of being confronted with the truth is one reason why chicks dig jerks.  It’s just that jerks have a sense of purpose that draws admiration and respect from chicks, whereas the common man is more interested in tamping down conflict and therefore seen (by women) as boring and shifty.

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For an example of purpose, a man will respond to a woman’s request to take out the garbage, NOT to be a helper to her, but because he recognizes it as something that needs to be done, and because he believes it is better or more efficient for her efforts to be directed towards another activity at that moment. He will NOT take out the garbage to please her or because he is afraid she will nag him or throw a hissy fit or deny him affection when they go to bed that night. Simply put, he does it because he is kind and wishes to maintain the quality of the home environment.  He also does it because he knows this is one way to show love and care for his wife.  IOW, he is kind out of choice, according to his character.  He is NOT kind to placate her feelings or supplicate her whims.  That would NOT be genuine kindness.

When women realize that men are willing to do something kind and risk being seen as a paddy last, or say something truthful and risk the brunt of her anger, NOT because they are fearful or intimidated of being ‘disobedient’ to her (as seen from her debased viewpoint), but BECAUSE they love and care, this added awareness is a lightbulb moment for her in the relationship — IF it ever happens.

But as long as women see men as ‘equals’ who are subservient to their whims, it is a shame that any Goodness / Kindness on his behalf will be misinterpreted as a weakness.

When Bad is Good

The supposed ‘bad boy” is actually GOOD in the sense that he is acting as the head.  He calls her out on her B$ and he does not care about her emotions.  What is referred to as negging works especially well when it points out truths in her which she cannot deny. Negging is also deprecating and humiliating when it is used to put her down.  And in Bizarro world, women find that maddeningly attractive because (1) they interpret it as a display of his higher status, and (2) being humbled by a man perceived as higher status makes them feel loved.  Ironically, women don’t see men as high value unless he treats her like a crappy play toy.  Heh.

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This is especially true for pretty women.  They are always pedestalized by so called Nice Guys™.  So it is refreshing to see a man about his own purpose, ruling over his life from his own pedestal, establishing headship, and calling out her sin. That is exactly why jerks are sexually attractive to women. It is because women want to mate with someone who demonstrates genuine headship authority over her, NOT a man who is too stinking Nice all the time.

Women are also drawn to bad boys because they let them do whatever they want and they don’t hold them accountable or responsible for anything.  From the bad boy’s perspective, why mess up a good thing?  These women serve a brief purpose as a c0ck ornament and then he’ll just toss them out after they’ve made themselves intolerable and move on to the next one.

The reason why women pull away from a man about his purpose is because the better men will try to hold them accountable and won’t let them play the victim.  So a lot of women will intentionally reduce their standards in order to hook up with POS men with whom they share a self-centered purpose instead, AKA jerks, just so that they won’t have any accountability in their relationship.  This is why women sell out to bad boy jerks and give away the meat box for nothing in return.  They HATE accountability THAT MUCH!

For those few women who can take a hit from the truth pipe every now and then, these women still lose out because they can’t offer anything more than the P hatch that would entice a man to keep her around long term. Foolish impulsive chicks cannot say “No”, so naturally, he’ll snatch the hatch freely offered and discard her after she cooks breakfast and launders the jizz out of his sheets.

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Epilogue

Women often say they want a man who is nice, but in reality, they are NOT attracted to nice guys.  What they really mean is that they want a hawt triple 6 Ch@d to be nice to them.  They want to believe that they’re an Aphrodite of love who can soften Ch@d’s heart.  Of course, this is a feminine fantasy that is true in only a few of the most ideal cases and only for exceptional women, as Dr. Orion Taraban describes here.  Paging Elspeth and Liz.

When women say they want men to be nice, there is one redeeming possibility in this statement.  We know women respond positively to men’s attention, kindness, and love, under the condition that he is attractive enough for her to accept it and he doesn’t curl her toes too close to the purifying flames of accountability.  Maybe this is what women are referring to when they say they want a nice guy.  But what women fail to understand is that if a man is truly good, kind, and gentle towards her, it is NOT because her influence has induced a change of character in him as she is wont to think, but because it is a product of his walk with Christ and because he has her well-being at heart.  Women have a peculiar and damning inability to discern this difference and will automatically jump to the conclusion that he is flaccid or else bargaining and/or posturing for sex, etc.  And then monkey branch to another man who proves his worth by treating her worse.

With this in mind, and speaking to said men, when correcting your wife / daughter, you may make better progress if your appeals are kind, but you are not called to be nice in the sense of being so sensitive to her feelings that it affects your headship.  In order to contain a woman inside the refining crucible of love, a man needs to offer a woman incentives and/or rewards that appeal to her desire more than her revulsion when he holds her accountable.  A little negging and teasing helps.

The more you love her, the less she’ll love you (2 Corinthians 12:15).  Conversely, the worse you treat her, the better she’ll treat you.  Ironic, but true.

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