A man’s expectations need to be fully in line with his Mission and Purpose.

Readership: All
Theme: Consolidating Masculinity
Length: 600 words
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Misguided Expectations (for LTRs)

One of the biggest problems in marriage today is that people have misplaced expectations.  For men, it is expected that the wife should be a monogamous s1ut, SMV > 8, who stays thin and youthful in perpetuity. For women, the husband should be a 666 Tingletron who cooks gourmet dishes, does housework, and never shows any weakness.

Thus, the questions being asked by matrimonial hopefuls are misguided.

  • “Do I Lurrve him/her?”
  • “How does he/she make me FEEL?”
  • “What is the SEX going to be like?”

Meanwhile, questions about household duties (“Who will do the dishes?”), finances, roles, and responsibilities never come up.

The attitudes and moods behind these questions are half-baked and naive. These expectations / questions do not stand up to the storms of life, and that is why there is so much discontent.  Whenever the winds of change or the waves of doubt come upon them, these expectations are tested and discontentment strikes.  Women have an especially particular difficulty in attaining contentment as Rollo has discussed at length (see links under Related).  Some women even find a perverse form of power in discontentedness and will hold onto this attitude at all costs.

Having unrealistic expectations should not be confused with Laying out Expectations, which I wrote about before.  If people took the effort to lay out their expectations, then they would eventually realize any unrealistic expectations in the mix, and come to a more realistic set of expectations.  But this seldom comes up, because people do not lay out their expectations, and instead, they keep those questions pent up in their subconsciousness – similar to a Covert Contract.

img-1783683201-6a50d881eb5351.85887385.pngWhen HIS expectation is to meet HER expectation!

The Current Challenge (for LTRs)

For a relatively brief time in Western history (the 20th century), one could get away with prioritizing love and sex and still expect a modicum of contentment, largely propped up by the widespread material abundance.  But over time, this self-worshipping prerogative took its toll on society.  The flames of unbridled passion burned up the MMP and it disintegrated into ashes shortly after the turn of the century.

Today, because of societal and legal restrictions, the only way for Men to find contentment is in knowing his Mission and Purpose and striving for it. As we have seen over the past 5 or 6 years, many men are finding it much easier to focus on their Mission and Purpose by going MGTOW, or by taking the Black Pill and then resurrecting their self-concept. Most of the men who do so have no other option. Fewer men are finding a woman worthy of being a wife, much less attracting her into his life.

But no matter whether a man is single or married, his MISSION is what will propel him forward, both in life, and with God. If a man is to marry, he’d better be damn sure his wife is fully on board with his Mission.

For a woman, the way to godly contentment is either (1) settling down with a man early in life (foregoing the carousel and before hitting the Wall) and applying herself to be his helper in that MISSION.  Or, (2) staying in her father’s household and helping her family in various ways. Other paths might bring a sense of contentment, but it won’t be holy. Nor will it be everlasting, maybe only 10 years at best, followed by 40+ years of cats, wine, and slaving their lives away for the corporation.

For the married, contentment is found when both husband and wife share a common PURPOSE on a COMMON MISSION — to be fruitful and multiply — to do life TOGETHER. To raise a family TOGETHER. The attitude is, “It is US TOGETHER against whatever life throws at EITHER of us.”  And if you have been married for any length of time you will know — there will be lots of stuff life throws at you.

img-1783683203-6a50d8834f6015.01582166.jpg

Failure (of LTRs)

Marriages fail when married couples lose their commonality of PURPOSE and turn against each other in various ways.  This turning usually doesn’t happen dramatically nor willfully, but rather through a gradual attrition of charity and congeniality that tends to occur under the duress of life.  Most notably…

  • Failing to conform to a Headship structure of authority.
  • Failing to love or respect one another.
  • Failing to remain humble and graceful.
  • Failing to appreciate each other.
  • Failing to respond to the other’s accomplishments and bids for attention with enthusiasm.
  • Denial of sex within marriage.
  • Debasing marriage with illicit sex, before or after marriage.
  • In sum, a failure to place God first.

As these habits become entrenched, that is when discontentment rears its feral head and will tear them apart.

Related