Understanding the motivation of non-submission.

Readership: All
Theme: Feminine Submission
Author’s Note: This post expands my comments under a previous post.  Links to the original comments are given in the initial words.  Coauthored with Jack.
Length: 1,100 words
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Introduction

In The parallels of temptation with sex and marriage (2022/2/8), Deep Strength wrote,

“Women have no trouble submitting to their boss at work or their teacher in school or other human authorities because it is normal.  But God forbid they submit to the husband to whom they committed their life to, who loves them the most, and the one they vowed to be with before God.”

I too have noticed this behavior with everlasting chagrin.

Bardelys the Magnificent made an attempt to break this down.

“I think “normal” is an incorrect diagnosis. It’s because work and school are spaces that do not belong to her, and naturally she has no right of input. Home, at best belongs to both of you, and at worst belongs to her, so she will feel the need to control, or at least put her two cents in as forcefully as she can get away with. She will not see the house as her husband’s domain, where she is allowed to live as long as she tends to her duties. Hence, no respect for headship. Perhaps this is why women were not allowed to own property: she can’t control it if she doesn’t have a claim on it.”

I would not say “normal” is incorrect, but there IS much more to it.  So here I’ll attempt to complete the diagnosis.

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Submission to Secular Authorities

At least part of women’s desire to control her husband vs. her ready submission at the office has to do with accepting defined hierarchy roles.  Places like work and school are social settings that have a clearly laid out structure of authority.  There is no question of who is in charge at the office, or in a classroom.  There is no dispute because she and everyone else knows that it is the boss’ / teacher’s right to make decisions for the workplace or classroom respectively.

Second, although a woman can be an integral part of this structure of authority, she is not in a position to make executive decisions.  If there is contentiousness over this point, she’ll immediately be taken to task, put in her place, and maybe even sent to the carpet.  If she tries to assume executive power without being duly delegated to do so, then this action has a decent probably that it will be reported to a much higher authority and may end in termination.

Thirdly, although she may have a domain of responsibility and influence, the workplace itself does not belong to her, and so naturally she has no right of input about how work and social intercourse is to be done.  I suppose there are some rare cases in which the woman is a CEO or business owner, but that is far from the norm.

Confusion about Authority in the Home

Traditionally, the home has always been the wife’s domain, and this is not an unbiblical set up.  (See Titus 2:3-5.)  Women will always expect to retain vestiges of Traditionalism in those specific ways that suit their interests.

Home, at best belongs to both the man and the woman as a couple joined in matrimony, each having their respective spheres of interests and responsibilities.  But the problem erupts when the wife does not recognize the husband’s authority as clearly ordained by God, and so she gets the notion that the home belongs only to her, with the man being expected to perform certain responsibilities, or the man’s input being ignored entirely.  Whenever there is a question of authority or responsibility, then she thinks it is her place to resolve the question. Whenever there is a problem, then she thinks it is because her husband failed to do things exactly as she wanted. These false assumptions make it more difficult for a wife to understand that the home is her husband’s domain first and foremost.  A husband who does not unequivocally set that he is the authority, that it is his family and that she is one who God gave him to be his suitable help, allows his wife to continue on under these false impressions.

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All this confusion results in a struggle for control that will continue until the wife can recognize that (1) she’s claiming authority that isn’t hers, (2) she’s undermining her husband’s authority, and (3) she ruins the home in doing so.  Meanwhile, the husband and family are in for a world of trouble.

Here’s a question to consider. When a woman nests, and they all do, is she nesting to make the home a place of rest for him, or is she doing what she wants for her own purposes?  The answer to that question of motivation will tell you what she thinks about her role in the household. The end result may be the same, but the heart condition matters and will play out in other areas of the marriage.

Resisting Submission to Husband

In addition to this confusion about her authority and responsibility in the home, women are strongly averse and resistant to being submissive to husbands.  Here are a few factors that contribute to this malady.

  • Lack of Trust
  • Lack of Respect
  • Lack of Attraction
  • Women’s natural propensity to desire power and usurp authority from men, AKA “The Curse of Eve”.

All this makes it more difficult for wives to wake up.

Titus 2:3-5 instructs that older wives should admonish younger wives to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

Women are quick to pick out the dominating aspects of being a homemaker, but because of all the things mentioned above, they are slow to adhere to the other habits in Titus 2:3-5, especially being obedient to their own husbands.

Again, the ‘why’ matters when it comes to what a woman does in the home.

Conclusions

How much work it takes for the husband to make his wife understand God’s order for the family is dependent on his constitution as a man and her belief in God and the truth of His word.  Having fellowship with like-minded Christian couples of good repute and having wise older women following Titus 2:3-5 can help immensely.

Choose your woman carefully and vet like crazy for all characteristics you’ll need in a wife to build your life and family.

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