Understanding Respect

For the Christian man, it begins with one’s self.

Readership: All
Theme: Redemptive Headship and Masculinity
Reader’s Note: The capitalization of words indicates a theoretical concept.
Length: 1,300 words
Reading Time: 7 minutes

Introduction

This post is a continuance of the previous post, Restoring Respect (2022-9-28).  Here I’ll offer answers to the questions posed before.

The systems diagram for masculine development (given in the previous post) appears below for the reader’s convenience.

1. Why is there a moral incongruency surrounding Honor and Respect?

There are several reasons here, maybe more.

1. The qualities that make a man honorable (e.g. altruism, ethics, honesty, morality, etc.) have little to do with the things that draw respect (e.g. expertise, power, authority, and female attention).
2. There is much uncertainty about the constitution, motivations, and social value of a man with Honor, but there is no question about a man who has demonstrated concrete accomplishments.
3. The one link between Honor and Respect is in Reputation and Status which few men can achieve while still maintaining moralistic qualities of honor and virtue, due to competitive dynamics.
4. There exists somewhat of a theoretical / moral dichotomy between those men who are altruistic, honest, and so on, and those men who can get the job done.  There shouldn’t be, but realistic people recognize this stereotypical difference as being common and therefore use this dichotomy to consider whether a particular man is well-suited for his position and responsibilities.  For example, it is appropriate for honest men to be accountants, teachers, pastors, etc., whereas it is also appropriate for rough and ready men to be businessmen, construction workers, lawyers, soldiers, etc.  Some types of professions, like policemen, politicians, and public stewards must have a certain combination of traits and are therefore honored or respected according to their position and/or their service to the community.
5. The ethical system used in “natural” human mating conforms to a Power based ethical system.  “Only the strong survive.”  “All is fair in love and war.”  Within this system, other ethical systems, including Christian ethics, are summarily discarded.
6. In a gynocentric world order, a Biblical ethical system (viz. traditional / Christian notions of Honor and virtue), as well as any strength of Purpose that a man might have, are totally disregarded as qualities that do not register on the female radar.  Or if they do, they hardly make a man exceptional.  The gynocentric order therefore ignores or discounts these traits.

2. What is the profile of a man who “rightfully deserves the respect of other men”?  What does that profile look like?

First off, asking this question is an attempt to break free from the gynocentric social stronghold and reinstate traditional standards for assessing men.  As such, it poses an affront to this order which men should be aware of.

The answer is that it depends on the surrounding social order that sets the standard of what is to be respected in a man.  Here are three broader social systems for the reader to get the gist.

1. According to the gynocentric world order, only tall, hawt, wealthy, high status men are afforded respect because of what they represent to the Feminine Imperative. 
2. According to traditional standards and the way of men, it is the man who has made significant progress through at least one of the series of steps that lead to Respect (depicted in the diagram above).  These men are respected for what they provide to their family and/or the community, e.g. inspiration, leadership, material support, security, stability, wisdom, etc.  Contributing good genes is included in this, which reveals that the Feminine Imperative imposes a distortion of sociality by cherry picking and magnifying these specific qualities and summarily rejecting all others by demonizing men and masculinity in general.
3. According to the traditions of faith, there is a long list of Biblically inspired habits and traits, as well as many personal spiritual goalposts that could be used as a measuring stick for determining whether a man has attained a significant standing with God that would be worthy of another Christian man’s respect.  Here’s a few for starters: 1 Corinthians 12:4-11; 28-31; Hebrews 5:13-14; 1 Timothy 3:1-13; Titus 1:6-9; et al.

The fact that one’s social group is vitally important towards establishing Respect is why I advised men to find a social context in which Reality = True (for himself) in which he can develop Flow and work toward those things that would bring him Respect.

I also have to mention this.  A different and somewhat harshly self-critical way to approach this question is to question the question itself.  Are we asking this question out of envy and laziness, because we think, “It’s nawt faaaiiir that tall, fit, good looking men get a shortcut to Respect (and all the benefits and poozy that come with it), while all us other guys have to go through all this work just to make something of ourselves?”

3. What can be done to assign honor and respect to those men who are rightfully deserving of it?

This turns out to be a trick question because it depends on the social system as I described above.  Unless one is in a position of power and authority, it would be easier and wiser to switch social groups than to try changing the one you’re in.  This might explain why a lot of men go church hopping, especially when they’re young.  They’re looking for respect, as well as a community they can fit into.

Within just about any social group you might find, the men who are receiving respect are the ones who already deserve it, according to that group’s standards.  This is true for both the gynocentric worldly system and the church.  Respect cannot be manufactured out of thin air without a dynamic social setting.

This applies on the individual level too.  If a man is not giving you the respect that is common to decency, then he’s not trustworthy.  If a woman is not giving you respect, it’s probably better to NEXT her instead of trying to earn her respect.  Some caveats apply, such as when you’ve done something truly offensive, or if you know you should change your ways to fit into a certain group.

What the question is really asking is this:  “How can Christian men who normally find it difficult to receive honor and respect in this world receive the same from other Christian Men, or possibly from anyone during their time living in this world?”  The answer lies in how Christian men choose to treat each other. We have the choice to respect or disrespect whom we please and for whatever reasons we choose.

So perhaps the question boils down to this:  “What does a man have to do or be, to be worthy of MY respect?”  And…  “Does my yardstick for respect correspond to my Christian beliefs?”

Hint:  The answer is in Ephesians 5:21 and Matthew 7:2.  IOW, we should show respect to any man we would consider a brother in Christ.  He may not have rightfully earned it (according to your own measure), but giving it anyway would foster his faith and further the grace of God in one’s community.

Conclusions

Respect is an integral part of male comradery.  Giving respect begins with each individual man and how he gets along with other men.  A man can and should demand respect, but he should be diligent in showing it too.  Furthermore, we should honor and respect older men as a regular habit (Leviticus 19:32), encourage other men (Colossians 4:6), teach and mentor younger men (Titus 2:6-8), and keep our values untainted by worldly influences (James 1:27), all of which have been repeated here many times before.

If respect is not forthcoming from a particular social group after you’ve given diligent effort, then one might consider shaking the dust off one’s shoes and searching for greener pastures.

This post and the last should help us understand why things are the way they are.  It may be difficult to change the scenery on the ground, but it’s not impossible.

Related

• Σ Frame: Imposing Masculine Presence (2022-6-10)