If she loves you, then she’ll be a pain in the @ss!

Appearances can be deceiving.

Readership: Men; Single Men;
Theme: Dating and the SMP
Length: 2,000 words
Reading Time: 7 minutes

Introduction

Earlier this month, I told a little story that compared the general impression of women who are socially smooth and sexed up, with those who are awkward and innocent. The story went like this.

“[Back in 2001], I started attending a new church. The first couple Sundays, there were two college aged girls who took the opportunity to approach me and get to know me better. They were very friendly and we talked a long while, so at first, I thought they were expressing an interest in me. But after I became more acquainted with the people there, I discovered that these two girls already had steady boyfriends who were not regular church attendees. Those girls never told me this; it was the Pastor’s wife. For some reason, having a boyfriend gave these girls the confidence to talk to other men. As time went on, I learned that there were other girls who were single and interested in me, but they didn’t have the confidence to approach me. The only clue they gave off is that they became really animated and frighteningly giggly and silly whenever we were interacting. Nobody at all told me that these girls were interested in me. I only figured it out when a couple other guys started c0ck blocking me.

The thing I learned from this experience is that women who are more confident, forward, and relaxed about meeting men are usually already taken, and that is precisely why they are more confident, forward, and relaxed. So it’s rather unrealistic to expect a single woman who is interested in you to initiate and do the pursuing. (Deti has pointed out that this is exactly what they should be doing, and I agree, but I think women aren’t going to do that, so it’s probably more practical for men to learn how to detect IOIs.)”

FrankChalmers2061 commented that…

“…“frighteningly giggly and silly” girls often may be good wife material, but you wouldn’t notice because they can’t control themselves quite yet.”

Ahh… Yessirree! The ditzy girl with the bird nest hair who is the star blithering buffoon of the church luncheon is the diamond in the rough who has the best potential of becoming a homemaking, hubby loving, treasure of flesh in the bed chamber. Wife her up and humble her thrice daily with regular mattress hammering; shape her by giving her moral based feedback, and she will be putty in your paws… and… she will be grateful!!!

Appearances can be Deceiving

Some girls are a Pain In The @ss (PITA), and when I say this, I don’t mean contentious and b!tchy. I mean the girl is woefully awkward, “frighteningly giggly and silly”, perhaps clingy, and frequently “over the top” with emotions and behaviors that come off as childish, embarrassing, or inappropriate. It would serve the common man better not to hold these behaviors against the girl in question, but rather to interpret these PITA behaviors as authentic, innocent, cute, and endearing.

It is extremely rare to find a woman who has never been “married” (viz. sexed up) and is not a PITA in some way, shape, or form. However, the pure, innocent PITA girl is an embarassment to a wickedly wizened society. Social forces and women’s generalized need for attention and inclusion pushes young women to grow past their girlish PITA behaviors ASAP.

Instead, a sexed up society adores the salacious, slick, socially dexterous dame. This is why there is a mad rush to send all nubile young women off to college before they marry. It is assumed, but never ever stated, that sexperience is necessary to impart a level of sophistication and suave that betrays a self-awareness of carnal knowledge, and this is valued more than sexual purity and the sanctity of marriage. The fact that this sexually astute collection of traits comes at the cost of her innocence and future marital contentment is either deftly dismissed or swept under the carpet.

The problem here for men, especially younger, inexperienced men, is manifold.

1. Internally, they naturally desire a woman who is already turn-key mature, sexed up, and polished, and they don’t really understand how she got that way.
2. Externally, they’re getting the cultural message that slick, sexed up women are the idealized norm.
3. To make matters worse, young men are strongly encouraged to take up with such a woman, even one with a kid in tow, and women themselves are the strongest proponents of this.

Thus, it is too easy for them to fall for the notion that a suave, sophisticated, socially skilled woman who presents herself well should naturally be easier to get along with and a better choice overall. But they don’t realize that this is only an external appearance. Once a man gets into a relationship with her, it is revealed that it’s all a mirage, and that the inner qualities that form a good wife have already been spoiled.

But the good thing about the PITA is that what you see is what you get. This is a benefit to marriage minded men, because the task cut out for moulding them into wives is clearly evident. There is no emotional baggage, and no shroud of vain pretenses that must be inveigled before getting down to the business of establishing moral feedback loops and trust.

Marriage and having children will also shape out the PITA; not because of any effort on her own part, but because husbands do the hard work of moulding their belovedly quirky PITA girls into wondrous wives. In addition, marriage and having children induces humility and maturity by giving a woman an intense culmination of purpose, responsibility, security, and status that allows her to face up to her foibles and frustrations within an environment of love and trust. Another way to state all this is that marriage and childbearing are the vehicles of God’s grace bestowed on women.

So it’s critically important for marriage minded men of faith to detect and sort out the differences.

Sorting out the Differences

The basic task of differentiating between the PITA and the incorporated witch with a B lies not in how crazy she appears, but in discerning how much Heart Trust she conveys, and how humble she truly is. The PITA is obviously crazy, but also honest and trusting, and more or less frightened and unsure of herself; whereas the sparkling B witch hides her craziness behind a smooth outward velour; she defies and resists trust, and resorts to female evasion and control tactics in order to do so.

When a woman truly falls in love with a man, her inner heart is exposed, and her trust and respect come to the forefront. As a byproduct, her crazy inner self also comes out too. So if a girl is a raving PITA around you, there’s a good chance that she actually loves you!

Moreover, this phenomenon is rather nuanced and subject to context, so to make this a little clearer to all our readers, I’ll draw a comparison between women of different ages and statuses.

In the larger view, if a woman is a PITA, it suggests that she’s truly single and has never had her holy of holies conquered by a man – but this is not always the case. Some PITA chicks suffer from poor breeding, or growing up without a father.

A young girl (~18-22) is a PITA because of her immaturity. One who’s totally innocent and sexually pure will be naïvely optimistic about life and love and very clumsy when pulling off any feminine control tactics. In spite of all the troubles and headaches these lasses bring, even so, this is the best PITA to have.

A more mature unmarried woman (~23-27) will be looking for Tingle thrills, the “love” of high SMV men, and affirmation. There are two subtypes.

1. If this type of woman is giving you Head Trust (but not Heart Trust) and being a PITA, giving you S#!t tests, etc., then that’s a bad sign that she’s not really into you and is probably trying to control you for her own prerogatives.
2. If this type of woman is giving you Heart Trust, and you happen to hit her needs just right, then her heartlights will come on. IOW, she’ll feel humbled, get possessive, and start to think of you as her own. In this case, if she is being a jealous PITA and giving you S#!t tests, that’s probably a good sign that you’ve got her heart in a sling and that she really loves you.

By the time a woman nears the wall (~28-32), her personality has been set in stone, and any last remaining PITA behaviors have completed their transition into contentious b!tchyness. This transition is accelerated if she’s abused herself sexually and has accumulated any emotional baggage. In the extreme case, it’s possible that she’s an alpha widowed ex carousel rider whose been used and abused for a long while.

In addition to this, her biological clock makes her a PITA on warp speed.

Because of their age and past sexperience, many of these women have learned to manage the most egregious aspects of their inner PITA, and as a result, they might seem very easy to get along with. But do not be deceived, dear brothers, for whatsoever a woman sows, that shall she also reap. After marriage, the full brunt force of her self-abuses for the past decade will finally come home to roost on the poor hubby she settled for.

Married women may also have PITA-like behaviors that often take the form of hyperdrama and sh!t tests. Most husbands interpret these behaviors as bothersome and emotionally taxing. But care should be taken to identify the underlying nature of these behaviors. Most of the time, wives will do these things to garner attention and/or control the man. But sometimes, wives are not specifically out to manipulate their husbands by being a PITA, they’re just being their natural naughty selves, and they trust their husbands enough to let their inner PITA come through. This is actually a good sign for the relationship, as this is an impressionable moment that wise husbands can use to teach and mould their wives.

For those women who don’t appear to meet the description of a PITA, here are some reasons why this might be.

1. You just don’t know her that well yet.
2. She doesn’t trust you enough to let her inner PITA show through.
3. She’s a master of the Machiavellian arts.
4. She doesn’t have a very strong emotional/sexual need (e.g. a low libido), and this could be because (1) it’s her natural hormone condition, or (2) she’s stoked up on hormonal birth control, or (3) she’s already passed herself through the fire (a metaphor for the thorough exhaustion or depletion of their innate sexual desire by promiscuity, carousel riding, etc. AKA being dissipated, sexually burned out, or jaded).
5. She actually comes from a good quality home, and she has a good relationship with her father and/or Jesus.

Thou must discern wisely, my son!

Conclusions

When a woman truly falls in love with a man, her inner heart is exposed, and her trust and respect come to the forefront. When a woman really trusts a man, then she doesn’t feel a strong need to hide her quirks and foibles in fear of being rejected by him. As a byproduct, her authentic, crazy inner self comes out, much to the man’s chagrin. So if a girl is a raving PITA around you, there’s a good chance that she’s fresh and ready to be moulded by masculine love!

Young men should avoid chasing after shiny, smooth, well-polished examples of femininity, because women like this are already “married” in the colloquial sense. That is to say, they’ve already been hammered into shape by a man (or men), and this is what has refined them.

To have the best chances at marriage, a man has to do the hard work of hammering his own woman into shape. So choose one that is valuable raw material, one that is soft and malleable, and not already emotion/heart-hardened in the forge of sexperience.

Related

• Chateau Heartiste: The Myth Of The B!tchy Hottie (2017-3-23)
• Chateau Heartiste: The Myth Of The Sexually Lackluster Hottie (2017-3-23)
• Σ Frame: The Masculine Dilemma (2020-12-13)