Women always say men should talk about their feelings. Really?
Readership: Christian Men
Reader’s Note: This is Part 2 of a series.
Length: 800 words
Reading Time: 3 minutes
Introduction
In the first post on the topic of masculine maturity, Redefining Manhood as Boyish Immaturity (2021 June 14), we reviewed the feminist perspectives on the definition of immaturity. The takeaways from this post are given here.
- Women are solipsistic.
- Men suppress certain emotions, and the woman thinks it is her job to extract those emotions. Playing the mother is the most satisfying way (for her) to do this.
- There is a marked display of disrespect towards men and masculinity in general.
- Anything extraneous to the feminine imperative is labeled boyish immaturity.
- Any symptom of human frailty is boyish immaturity.
RonTomlinson pointed out that since women are solipsistic, and because women need to talk about their feelings, they assume that men do too. Psychological Projection is another word for this.
Deep Strength summarized all this in saying,
“The issue is not maturity though. A woman’s preconceived notions of what they think is “mature” or not is their will manifesting as pride: they think they know what is better than the man they are with and are setting themselves up as the judge of that.”
Indeed.
In this post, we’ll break away from the prideful feminist viewpoints and review a more serious assessment of one socio-emotional need that men have, and how it contributes to the impression of male immaturity.
Case Study – Talk Therapy
The Good Men Project (feat. Jane Garapick): Why We Love the Little Boy Inside the Man (May 24, 2015)
“As women, what we want more than anything else is a sensitive, caring, feeling, emotionally stable and strong man.”
“It seemed like he played the part very well, except he didn’t.
Not on the inside. Not where it really counts.
That’s why he’s still the little boy inside. That’s why the relationships we have are never about the two adults we think they are, the ones we see in front of us. They’re really about those hurt little boys and girls, the ones that live deep down inside of us.
We’re just learning to recognize their need to come out and express themselves. And feel. And hurt. And cry. And finally be allowed to express every single emotion they feel.”
And hopefully get a chance to play. And feel loved.”
What Garapick is talking about is what I’ve labeled “Heart Trust” in previous posts. Heart trust is when you’re able to say what you think, show how you feel, and not worry about being misunderstood or condemned by those around you. In other words, it’s the freedom to “be yourself” with another person.
In previous posts, I’ve focused mostly on how a man can build up a woman’s Heart Trust in himself. But it’s a two way street. A woman should also be focused on how she can be so loyal, supporting, and emotionally stable that she could offer a “safe” ear for her man’s Heart Trust in herself.
Furthermore, whenever a man is vetting a woman for a LTR, not only should he pay attention to the extraction of her Heart Trust, in the form of IOIs, but he should also consider how much Heart Trust he can realistically place in her as well.
Conclusions
I have written before about Why do Women Incite Others to Emote? (2018 June 19), and how women expect to be a man’s Kleenex. The problem with this is that once a man reveals his fears and weaknesses to a woman, she loses respect for him and is likely to use those things against him when the next opportunity strikes. She’ll insist that she won’t, but then she invariably does. Wise men intuitively know this. So at first reaction, we are prone to dismiss Garapick’s words as more nagging to emote ourselves to our own demise. But on the other hand, and before we dismiss this annoying aspect of women’s nature, we have to admit there is a kernel of truth behind this. Men do need to talk about their desires, fears, and hang-ups. Confessing these things to another person who is trustworthy, loyal, and non-judgmental can be renewing to the soul.
However, a woman is generally not the best choice of a person for a man to do this with. He needs to find other men to share this burden with.
Exit Questions
- If a man cannot face, deal with, or talk about his feelings, does this mean that he is immature in some way?
- If a woman/wife insists on being the talk therapist to a man, is this her will manifesting as pride, as DS described?
- Should a woman ever be expected to be a faithful, loyal listener when a man needs to talk things through?
Related
- Σ Frame: Ladies Should Respect the Man and Love the Boy (2018 June 28)
