Stephanie, thank you for your candid comments.
When I composed that last post, “Book Review: The Love a Wife Desires, the Respect a Husband Needs (5 stars)” (December 18, 2017), I wrote the introduction, Respect is Paramount!, to put an emphasis on how much men need and value respect. From there, I introduce Eggerichs’ book as a source of information on this topic. I believe that this book has much to offer both men and women who are sincerely seeking to improve their marriage or LTR.
I respect Dalrock very much, and I have read enough of his posts to know his stance towards Complementarianism. So based on your comments, I am now reconsidering the book in light of Complementarianism. I did not have this question in my mind while I was reading it, and I suppose I would have to read the book again with a critical mind to see if Eggerichs offers any sympathies for the heretical, Feminist aspects of Complementarianism.
BTW, I searched for the authors name, “Eggerichs”, on Dalrock’s site, and nothing came up, so I assume he has not addressed this particular book in the past.
When I read this book, I saw that Eggerichs was giving the goad to BOTH men and women to act in a more mature, altruistic manner in marriage, and to focus on changing one’s own behavior, rather than relying on the other person to change, which I believe is pretty solid advice (for couples who are sincerely seeking improvement). I found his message was particularly hard on women, since the whole idea of ‘unconditionally offering a man the respect he needs’ (and not making him work to ‘deserve’ it first) is a message that has been clouded and demonized by Feminist philosophy. This, I feel, was the main message of the book – that wives respecting their husbands is just as important as husbands loving their wives, and Eggerichs makes the point that it is particularly MORE important for wives to respect their husbands, if they wish to see a transformation in their relationship – and I wholeheartedly agree with this main point. To me, this further emphasizes how important it is for men to be extremely critical in their choice of a wife, and for women to take their role as a wife very seriously. To my knowledge (and I am fairly well read), this point was totally absent from Christian literature before Eggerichs, and it is sorely needed to make marriages work. So I applaud Eggerichs for bringing this truth to public attention.
Now, there is one caveat. I would say that Eggerichs’ underlying assumption is that BOTH partners are fully invested in improving the relationship, and are simply ignorant of the impact that love and respect can have on the relationship. He assumes that the partners are NOT just using the marriage as a vehicle to achieve their own selfish ends (although he does discuss situations where this is the case). This is an important assumption to take note of when estimating the value of the advice therein. I have to admit, posing this contingency that BOTH partners have a good will towards the marital relationship, and are willing to work at it, is a rather special case in American society, as it is conspicuously removed from recognizing the corruption of the Social/Sexual/Marriage market place, and the debasement of marriage that a lot of people are now experiencing. This is perhaps the greatest weakness of the book.
Eggerichs wrote another book which I read, called “The Language of Love and Respect”, and Chapter 4 in this book was about “Can you trust your spouse’s goodwill?” Here, Eggerich entertains the more pressing issue in society at large, that some people are, in fact, NOT putting their whole heart into their marriage. Eggerich correctly postulates that ‘God will bless and reward the faithful’, in spite of any faithlessness on behalf of his/her partner. However, I think this advice would be considered pie-in-the-sky by most, as it is not enough to satisfy anyone who is struggling through a case of adultery or divorce. So again, I feel this book is of most value to those good-willed spouses who cherish their marriage and want to make it better.
Honestly, I doubt that Eggerich will ever espouse a total Red Pill submersion, so personally, I will just take the useful truths out of the book (and there are many), and be content with that bit of progress in my own understanding. For my readers, I hope that my review will offer enough information for them to decide whether the book would be helpful to them or not. I am speaking from my own opinion of the book, and I am not getting any kickbacks from the publisher. (Although that would be nice.)
I do know that feminists HATE Eggerichs’ books, and I have personally seen a feminist, in an angry rant, rip up a copy of “Love and Respect” before my very eyes. That is enough proof for me that Eggerichs is telling the unpleasant, anti-feminist truths that are contained in Ephesians 5:33 and elsewhere in the Bible. But I acknowledge that even though this book has confirmed many of my beliefs concerning respect and successful relational dynamics, and has given me the words to discuss such things with others, perhaps I am only suffering from a confirmation bias, and so my analysis of the book will remain unsatisfying for many of my readers.
I’ll let readers know, I have been living overseas in a very traditional, Patriarchal society since 2004 (and very happily, I might add), so I admit I am probably out of touch with the current scene in the U.S. However, it is my hope that my readers will appreciate my writings as an objective viewpoint that is hard-won, and far removed, from Feminist culture and influence. In my blogging endeavors so far, I have written mainly about my own challenges and enlightenments, and I do believe I have a very unique perspective that would prove to be insightful for others. Even so, I am still learning about what I could write from my own wealth of knowledge, perspectives and experiences that would be most beneficial (and engagingly entertaining) for readers in the U.S. and worldwide. Any sincere suggestions for topics or improvements are welcome.
One final note, I know Dalrock has a beef with Evangelicals too. I myself am an evangelical, a prize student schooled in a mid-western, bible-thumping, Southern Baptist Church (although I would not identify myself as a Southern Baptist at present). But from what I have read on Dalrock, the Manosphere at wide, and the news, I have learned that there have been several problems with Evangelical doctrine that have come to light recently, including things like ‘Churchianity”, ‘Complementarianism’, ‘Prosperity Preaching’, and others. Dalrock, Zippy Catholic, Donal Graeme, and other Christian Red Pill blogs have helped me see how modern Christian doctrine has been undermined and adulterated (for some time) by the Feminist culture at large. I am deeply grateful for that, and I regret not having found the Red Pill blogging sphere any sooner. I recognize that I, like many others on the sphere, am in a continual process of uncovering the Truth, and learning how to properly apply it; hence, my enthusiasm for blogging and The Red Pill.
