Now introducing… Mr. Right, Mr. Right Fit, Mr. Right Now, Mr. Right On, and Mr. Good Enough! But can Miss Any identify them correctly and make the best choice for her life?
Mr. Right is the man who is in her own SMV band, who has a complementary personality (i.e. is her “type”), and who shares many spiritual values and attitudes towards life. He is the guy who loves and honors her, and she desires and respects him.
Mr. Right Fit is the man who appears to be a Mr. Right because he meets her list of qualifications, but there is something missing in their interaction that spells “no happy future” to the relationship.
When she gets impatient with herself, and starts to selfishly justify all her lack of qualities that she can offer to a man (i.e. dissociative rationalization, AKA “hamstering”), she will find a Mr. Right Now to fulfill all her urgent, immediate needs for attention and affirmation. But deep inside, she knows Mr. Right Now is just for now, not for marriage. Poor Mr. Right Now…
Mr. Right On is the man who can fill her life with the dizzying, distracting effects of romance, fun and good times, but he is not cut out for marriage. This guy is likely an Alpha male who is just using her for his own good times. Poor Miss Any…
The idea of “settling” connotes a failure to achieve a goal, and “Mr. Good Enough” only serves to reinforce that notion. She is getting too impatient about finding a man, and just grabs one whom she feels she can control and can take what she needs from him. It’s not a good idea to marry this guy, because neither of you will be happy.
There is also a Mr. Bad Ass, who is a very confident, self-assured man who games her hard and treats her like an immature little girl, and teaches her some very hard lessons about life. She should watch her personal boundaries and beware that she does not “fall in love” with his dominance and charisma, and give Mr. Bad Ass a permanent place in her heart.
To find Mr. Right, what is actually necessary for many women is to accept their equals. It going to require some ”humility” in admitting to themselves their own actual SMV/MMV, and concluding, not that they are settling for Mr. Good Enough, but that they have been lucky enough to find someone their equal, and realize they could easily have done worse, but were very unlikely to have done better.
If she feels like she’s “settled”, then there will continue to be many “what if..?” questions for her, and an increased likelihood of marital dissatisfaction with an attenuating increase in the likelihood of infidelity.
It’s always been a source of great humor when someone posts a woman’s list of demands in a man (gleaned from a dating site, Craig’s List, etc.). Many men chuckle at the long list of what these women wish for, often juxtaposed with their own self-revealed lack of SMV. To offer a picture of reality, many of those women will need a chainsaw to get their heads straight about what is a perfect fit, and what qualities a good husband entails.
