Getting The Wife To Watch Porn With You

So I feel a bit stuck. To me watching porn occasionally is just a part of who I am sexually, and I feel like I cannot share that with my wife. Any suggestions?

My personal view of porn is that “it isn’t a problem, until it is a problem”. Often things that are really fun and enjoyable become much less so and even destructive if abused. Take bacon for example, bacon is the most wonderful food in all of human history and probably will never be displaced from that status. Bacon is crunchy and tasty and fatty and delicious. A salad with bacon is just a game of hide and seek the bacon. Bacon is like bacon unto me. That sentence makes no sense at all, but it rocks for a double mention of bacon. Bacon be with you. I could eat bacon all day though, and therein lies the problem. My heart would eventually stop from the extra hundreds of pounds of body weight gained from my bacon consumption. It’s a possible solution to just ban bacon, but who wants to live in a world without bacon? Well maybe pigs do, but that’s not the point.

So anyway, I eat bacon, just not lots of it. Despite the fact that I avoid my doctor and cholesterol lab work, I’m fairly sure that for me, bacon is not a problem. All things in moderation is the key.

So to me, a few viewings of porn a month isn’t really a problem. Especially if there is still 4-5 times of weekly sex happening. If it was a case of the husband having multiple times of heavy porn viewing a week, sneaking awake in the middle of the night and jerking off to porn and then not being able to have sex with the wife, that’s a problem. If you got fired for watching porn at work, that’s a problem. If you’re whacking off to gay porn and you’re married, that’s a whole other problem. If the children are all hungry and crying because he was left to watch them and instead just watched porn, that’s a problem. If you start making a pot of oatmeal and sneak away for a minute to watch some porn and you discover an hour later that you are trying to smelt oatmeal, that’s a problem.

In fact I suspect that for some people watching porn actually aids in them sustaining a monogamous relationship. There is a strong natural inclination to both create a primary partner relationship, but also to try and sneak something extra on the side as something kinda random and no strings. Particularly the males have this impulse. So a here and there erotic video can actually go some distance to meeting that built in need for variety and excitement. I’m not saying if the porn gets banned that he’ll end up cheating, but I do think it can play a moderating influence on that promiscuous impulse.

The trouble is that so much porn is just bad. And by bad I mean pathetically awful. Modern adult stores are almost overwhelming in the range and supply of titles that are offered, somehow all look nearly the same. Personally I get surrounded by 1000 DVD titles with a picture of tits and a vagina on the front cover I start shutting down from over-choice. There’s bad acting and then there’s the silted dialogue and faux orgasmic wailing of porn. Seriously, sometimes it’s just better with the sound off. And then there’s the Internet, which is like the Interstate System of porn. Got a particular kink? The Internet can hook you up with so much of it that you’ll be sorry you asked.

Overall though I suspect she’s got some of these concerns…

1. That this is going to open the door to something she really doesn’t want, like you being a total porndog and ignoring her or being less into her.

2. She’s probably concerned that watching porn is just going to be awkward and embarrassing.

3. She may worry that you will think less of her for watching.

4. She may be worried that she will like it.

In the end she may just be a low-stimulation person. As you said she’s “easy” and “laid back”. That means that even moderate stimulation, say a four person dinner party as opposed to throwing a party for 50 people is stimulating enough for her. One sex partner as opposed to twenty sex partners is stimulating enough for her. For the most part it’s a really good trait as long as you yourself aren’t high stimulation.

So sometimes less is more. Rather than reach for “Anal Cumwhores 23″ as the starting point, you can pull it back to something explicit but also Sex Ed in tone. About a decade ago Jennifer and I watched The Better Sex Video Series together. Being sex crazed I’m not sure I learned terribly much new, but it had good production values and it was helpful at opening up things between us. Plus Jennifer was basically drenched in readiness for me after watching them. So no complaints here.

So my basic suggestion to her – to you – is to try it. You may like it more than you expect. He’s being honest with you and isn’t cheating. As odd as it may seem, he’s actually trying to connect with you deeper than he already has.

Just slip into the silk and cuddle up together on the couch with a glass of wine and watch some explicit sex ed. It’s a great idea to do stuff to each other while you watch too. Suggest a washable something spread on the couch under you.

Actually as I recall back in the day when we watched the first video in The Better Sex Series together, I just hauled the whole mattress off the bed and dragged it to the living room and put it in front of the TV. But then I am the master of subtlety aren’t I.