Learning about Game and what makes affairs tick can drive you a little crazy. Just reading the stories of pick up guys talking about discovering who she really put out for while she closed up shop for them can be quite eye opening. The stuff I read on the Talk About Marriage forums have an even greater degree of chaos and drama. What people can put their spouses through is appalling.
The truth is I’ve just found myself trusting Jennifer less. She hasn’t done anything weird or odd. I just have a compulsion to GPS tag her car, tap her phone, keylogger her computer and somehow staple a spy camera to her vagina. You know, just to be sure. Trust but verify.
For the most part I’ve been a quite dependable Beta over my life. But in relation to Jennifer I’ve been quite Alpha for the majority of our marriage quite unwittingly. I just was so smitten and it cost so much to be with her, that when we finally married there was a savage intensity of devotion and unstoppable pent up desire that I came across as Alpha. The rest of the world probably saw me as quite Beta, but Jennifer got an Alpha Beta mix. Plus I believe we also have a near perfect genetic match for sexual attraction to each other so that helps too.
But looking back, apart from the sexual intensity I naturally bring, there have been long dull times where I can see expanses of endless Beta living where I was nothing but nice. Nice to her, nice to the kids, nice to my friends, nice to my job. Jennifer is also very nice so we managed to coast along being nice to each other with no real incident. But despite everything going well, I really had no clue why it was working well, and my practical Game understanding was worthless for a long long time.
So I do at times wonder what if someone else had really singled Jennifer out years ago and just started working on her. Some other guy with more money, more muscle, a bit of a swagger and a touch of asshole. I may have been fairly defenseless to that. Knowing Jennifer I don’t think she would have taken the bait, but then I’ve heard a couple hundred other men in the last year say exactly the same thing about their wives too. (And wives saying that about their husbands too.)  No no, not my angel. It’s just not possible. Then the keylogger turns up the secret email account devoted to the sordid.
The stories all play out the same it seems. It starts as some incidental meeting, there’s a small harmless connection made, then there’s more of a connection, then the cell phone gets locked and lots of calls and texts, then there’s some minor lies of omission, then larger lies, then a full scale cover up and huge emotions running hot and cold. The good wife they loved and knew replaced with a total stranger like some sort of alien science fiction bug had burrowed into her brain and taken control over her.
Him?
She stared at me, sympathy in her eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yes…”
“It’s nothing serious, I just want someone to go with.”
“Did you have sex with him?”
“Why is that your business?”
“DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HIM?”
“YES! WHY DOES IT MATTER!”
“You said he’s an asshole!”
(smiles) “He is an asshole…”
I break down in tears. I don’t understand.
So sometimes I do wonder “what if”. What if that had all played out and Jennifer was just one day gone from me. What would I have done in the aftermath? I know I would have been utterly shattered by it for a long long time. Now I believe if it all falls apart, I’d be deeply hurt and angered by it, then go the same route as Dagonet at Quest For 50. Of the majority of Game bloggers out there he still seems to have a sweetness about him. He seems to be set on racking up “wins” rather than “kills” if that makes any sense. My hunch is that he will meet someone special before he gets to 50 notches. That’s his call though. Game is values neutral and your goal with it is up to you.
As it is, I’ve never had to have that conversation. For that I am profoundly grateful. Having learned what I now know I feel like I’ve dodged a major bullet. It’s like coming out of the grocery store and finding you left your cars keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked for the last ninety minutes. Nothing happened so it’s cool, but damn what the hell were you thinking. The worst part of blogging on this topic and getting email from readers is occasionally I have to explain to someone that she is already cheating on him. Sometimes they have unwittingly actively assisted with the wife’s affair. I’m so sorry dude you left the keys in the car and the doors unlocked, that’s why someone stole your ride.
***
So anyway, Jennifer hates the cold, really really hates it. We had gone out to dinner a few weeks ago and were headed for EB Games in the local strip mall. All the stores have doors on both the road side and the parking lot side of the store except EB Games which has the parking lot door blocked off. Coming from the parking lot in the freezing air I went to cut through the wine store…
Jennifer: “Are you going to buy something in there?”
Me: “No we’re cutting through to the other side.”
Jennifer made this pained face like I had just soiled myself.
Me: “Ok ok, we can go around. You’re the one that hates the cold.”
And we walked around the whole string of shops. Four shops up, around Starbucks at the end and past the same four shops back. It’s so frakking frakking cold. I tease her a little as we walk this stupid route. Well maybe more mocking than teasing. She just couldn’t offend the wine store retail clerk by walking through the store and not buying something lol. I was possibly a little mean to her about it. Possibly.
So anyway, we collect World of Warcraft: Cataclysm and ahead back out. This time we just start walking around the stores, doing that big loop in the chill air and I find myself having one of those moments of perfect understanding. Even when she doesn’t want to do the right thing, when no one would really care if she didn’t and someone is egging her on to do the wrong thing, she always does the right thing anyway.
It was like finally getting a splinter out. I felt a wave of relief and a little silly for ever not fully trusting her.
Jennifer: “Whhhhhaaaaaat?”
Me: “Oh nothing.”
We walked to the car eldest daughter in tow. Once in the car I tossed Jennifer my hat because it was warm from my head.
Me: “Warm up your hands in my hat.”
That made her ridiculously happy and she smiled and giggled at me like we were standing in line for the roller coaster at Knoebels in 1991. I’m still hooked on that giggle.
So anyway, our Quest For 50 continues. Jennifer and I are in year 17.
And do visit Dagonet at The Quest For 50. It’s a worthwhile blog.

No related posts.