Don’t Feed an Attention Whore With Your Negative Emotions

When you don’t get the sex you want from your spouse, it’s natural to get frustrated about it. After all you are genuinely sexually frustrated. Frustration is very normal. But I’ve had a few emails in the last couple weeks from readers saying they were so agitated they might, “just hold her down and make it happen whether she wanted it or not and see what she does”.

Whaaa….

Personally I think it’s just going to make her hate your guts and set everything back for a year or more as the best possible outcome. Her protection shields are going to go full strength and anyone she tells about it, are going to tell her to call the police. Quite possibly you’ll end up in handcuffs and restarting your sex life with your cell mate.

It’s rape. So damn dude. Bad idea. Just no.

Don’t confuse my advice about dominance and submission, Alpha traits, being the Captain and women liking rough sex as an all purpose green light to ignore consent. Women do like all that, but they do like all that only if they consent to it.

What I suggest you do is counter-intuitive, but it’s ultimately more effective at creating a real change. When she turns you down for sex, you give her no drama or grief about it. You simply move on with your day. The angrier and more worked up you get about missing sex, the greater the display of low value it is and the more relationship power you hand her. So you play it cool. You don’t ignore her with the silent treatment, you just play it cool.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Love, hate and any strong emotional state including anger is the opposite of indifference. If you’re the worked up one, she’s the cool indifferent one and in control of the relationship. The worse you react, the more you tell her that she has you… well, by the balls actually.

Just dial it down and accept that tonight is not the night you’re getting laid by her. Then you slowly turn up the heat with working on getting yourself in better shape, dressing better, being more sociable and generally doing everything that I advise on this blog. Maybe she reacts better to you once you’re in shape and being more Alpha. If she doesn’t, then you move to phase 2 and start meeting other women. If that doesn’t work then you head to phase 3 and crank up the drama with heading for the door and having sex with other women. Give her fair warning though, you want her to fold and give it up to you. Nothing gets a woman more sexually keyed up than being dumped for someone else right in her face.

If you want you can have a more relaxing evening by asking earlier in the evening for a specific sexual act later that night (never just ask “do you want to have sex?”, always ask for a specific sex act “want to do doggystyle later tonight?”)  If she say’s “no” early on, then you at least have a few more hours without the anxious tension building up all night. Do still keep talking to her that evening, don’t go off and pout – that just feeds her inner attention whore with lots of negative attention. Kissing her ass and being mad just feeds her; positive attention or negative attention is all just attention, which is what attention whores want. Ideally the reaction is that she turned you down and it didn’t matter to you all that much.

Raping her though is just a horribly wrong idea and completely ineffective at getting you what you really want. Yes it is completely normal to be utterly pissed off at a woman cheating you out of your marriage. Don’t just rage and vent about it though, you have to regain composure and focus on what you do want to achieve. I know that it hurts being rejected and abused by someone you deeply love. But you have to move beyond feeling that pain and start working on a productive solution. It isn’t an easy fix and doesn’t happen in a day. Hang in there.

If you really want to mess with her head, when you ask for a sex act and she turns you down, say “ok, thank you”. But say it like you are actually thanking her, no snarky in there. Just thank her for her clear answer that frees up your evening. Wait until about the 5th or 6th time she says “no” though. She will wonder what the hell is going on with you…