Her Needs For Stimulation And Relationship Engagement.

A question from “B”…

Hi there,  yes and no…

Think of it as women (and men too) needing a certain level of stimulation to feel engaged in the relationship with the other. Some women need more, some women need less. There’s usually a fairly good correlation between extroversion and needing high stimulation and introversion and needing low stimulation.

If you have too high of a stimulation – say a shy wallflower matched up with crazy drug using biker guy, they tend to freak out and withdraw from the guy. He’s simply too high stimulation. They aren’t comfortable with him. Not enough Beta too much Alpha. Or they try and calm him down and Betaize him some.

If you have too low of a stimulation – party princess thinking about being a stripper matched with science geek nice guy, they start getting very bored and under-stimulated by him. Not enough Alpha, too much Beta. They might just leave and find someone more fun/exciting/stimulating. The other thing they can do though is subconsciously create some sort of relationship drama to create the stimulation they need to feel engaged in the relationship.

For the most part though, the better the male calibrates to the females needs for stimulation, the less likely she is to create relationship drama. You having to make up “reverse shit tests” to engage her is a failure of sorts showing that you haven’t maintained things. For the most part all you need to do to make a woman feel engaged in the relationship is: kiss her properly, fuck her hard, be playfully instigating with her, listen to her and not endlessly do the same shit over and over like always going to the same place to eat. Just mix it up a bit.

Some couples have an excellent match on stimulation and sail easily along, but usually one half of the couple is higher stimulation than the other. For Jennifer and myself, I am the high stimulation half of the couple and she is lower. Jennifer simply has no time to even think about testing me with everyday drama because she’s trying to keep up with my all purpose horniness and ADHD. Half the reason I write the blog is just to be a huge stimulation thing for me and a mental energy sink. We’ve also figured this out as a couple and Jennifer responds well to my demands to be stimulated, though she tends not to think of me needing something as much as I do, because she herself doesn’t need that level of stimulation.

The problem when the female is the higher stimulation partner, is that very often women have a deep need to be sexually responsive to a man. So they need to be able to “just sit there” and have him make the moves that they respond too. So when a high stimulation woman who needs to be sexually responsive is matched with a lower stimulation man, he just doesn’t playfully “mess with her” enough. So in order to both keep her frame as being sexually responsive to him, and get stimulation, she can’t just come out and say “hey I need you to mess with me a bit because I’m under-stimulated.” So she has to force the issue by creating some other drama that forces the man to engage with her. All this is usually quite unconscious on her part.

The solution for the lower stimulation male, matched with a higher stimulation female, is to be more conscious about instigating things with her. That’s easy enough to do with the Ten Second Kisses, texting her frequently, teasing her a lot and so on. Plus it’s a more conscious thought process that “I may not care that I am having a cheeseburger every time we go out to eat, but she gets bored of the same places over and over.” You can do highly stimulating things with her – ride the rollercoasters, see a scary movie, go para-sailing, travel, etc. Also you can direct her and suggest tasks for her – it’s a way of being responsive to you and it’s something to do. Those tasks can be sexual and non-sexual in nature. “I need a couple new shirts, can you help me shop for some?” ”I want to see you with a shaved pussy tonight.” “Stockings and a top of your choice tonight please.” Then when she complies and does stuff with/for you, thank her.

So it’s not really a case of having to dream up crises for her, just playfully mess with her and don’t be boring. If she needs more stimulation, get her to do something for you and say thanks. All she’s usually trying to do is feel engaged in the relationship.

As an aside, this is very closely related to Fitness Testing. A high stimulation woman can create drama that essentially is a Fitness Test and you do have to pass it as a Fitness Test. But the cause of the testing lies in her stimulation needs. You can end up facing Fitness Test after Fitness Test if you can’t stimulate her enough to feel engaged in the relationship. Sometimes though, a Fitness Test is just something she throws at you to see if she can get away with behaving badly and unrelated to a stimulation need. There’s a difference between being bored and a bitch.

There we go. Hope that answers the question.

Pity you can’t read the book in public… maybe I do need a special version with a cover that has a picture of a duck wearing a little yellow rain hat.