If She Offers You A Free Cookie – Take The Cookie

I’ve asked for some questions from the ladies and got essentially the same question twice and it’s really a fixably easy one. So I’ll take the free dunk now and get on with my day.

Anonymous said…

Anonymous said…

I’ve covered the idea that he shouldn’t be responsible for her orgasm earlier.

I think it’s really a combo of two things. (1) Him being programmed to believe that he’s being a bad guy if he has an orgasm and you don’t and (2) he’s confused as to why you aren’t into him enough to want an orgasm. So it’s all a heavy duty Beta mindset for him.

The solution is too simply is take what the woman says about wanting an orgasm at face value. If she wants one, then co-create it with her. If she doesn’t want an orgasm and is offering herself for sex, then just use her for your own needs and don’t care about it beyond that. It’s a far more Alpha approach and essentially boils down to a marital version of a pump and dump. If she’s offering her body to you and wants nothing in return for it, just take the free dunk and move on with your day.

That sounds like it’s offensively rude, but she’s the one offering it and when you don’t take advantage of it, it’s a disappointment to her… or you essentially push her into a sex act she doesn’t really want to do. Oh hang on… that sounds a little…er… rapey doesn’t it? Awkward.

I mean I’m all for rough sex, spanking her ass, calling her dirty names and cumming on her face and everything, all of which can look horribly offensive… but if she’s smiling and giving the thumbs up consent, then it’s all good. I’m an asshole in the bedroom, but I am a consentual asshole.

But if you’re being sweet, kind, polite and then balantly ignore her request not to orgasm and strong-arm her into having one using the weight of your relationship as leverage. Well that all looks very charming from the outside, you’re a nice man attentive to her sexual needs, but you’re ignoring the consent issue. So you can be a very nice man in the bedroom, but non-consentually nice.

For the husband, the solution is easy – just take the easy dunk and use her like the personal fuck toy she’s asking you to treat her as. It’s about as much fun as trying to get a cat in a cat carrier for a vet appointment as trying to get a woman to orgasm when she doesn’t really want to. If the pussy doesn’t want it, you really have to end up forcing the issue to get the job finished. The pussy is usally relieved that the shoving is over once it’s done, but that’s not the same as actually being happy with what happened. So take the easy route, just pound her for a bit and have your orgasm, kiss her, give her a little cuddle and then  move on with your day. Women quite like this treatment from their men (if only once in a while), plus she’s even directly asking you to do this to her.

For the women reading, the solution is also fairly easy – stop complaining about this sort of sex (talking) and stop tolerating having this sort of sex (action). If you nag at him, or whine or even politely say that you don’t want an orgasm, but then you passively allow him to push you into having one, you are in fact tolerating the entire thing and creating the environment where he thinks you actually really want an orgasm, but just need to be pushed into having one. So the actual message you are sending him by your actions is that you want an orgasm.

So you should be verbally clear early on in the piece that you’re offering yourself for his sexual needs, but you don’t want an orgasm yourself. If he starts trying to obviously get you off, then you need to stop him. Physically push his hands/head/whatever off/away from your vagina and explain in a clear firm tone of voice, “I’m not having an orgasm right now, I’m happy if you have one.”

If he doesn’t get it and he attempts to escalate you towards an orgasm for a second time, repeat the first stopping effort, but with the additional step of physically getting up out of the bed and standing next to it. Only get back into the bed if he can verbalize understanding that he can have an orgasm, but that you don’t want one. (This is probably the moment where he “gets it”.)

If he tries to escalate you again after that, then just stop the sex completely for the night. Then just frame it as that he needs to go do whatever it is that he needs to do – masturbate, sleep on the couch, have a cold shower or whatever it is to finish off his day - and tomorrow is a new day and you’ll take it from there; but we are all done for tonight. You’re probably pissed off by this point and rightfully so.

If he actually gets it and you have sex togther and he comes and you don’t, then reward him afterwards (action) and make it clear that despite not having an orgasm, you really enjoyed the experience. The easy way to do this is to simply cuddle up to him afterwards, head on his shoulder, pressed up against him, bonus points for lightly fondling his balls. Tell him you love him. Or try this line…“I love it when you make me feel like a woman.”

Which is a backdoor way of telling him you love it when he acts like a man.

So just to recap – if she wants an orgasm, then you should both co-create it together and do whatever it takes to make it happen. If she doesn’t want an orgasm and is okay with him having one. He should take the easy dunk. I mean we work so hard to get a wife to hand out free cookies….