Athol,
Here’s a question I was wondering about – maybe you can shed some light with your opinion:
When my wife has her period she does not like to have sex (in fact, she really prefers to be left alone intimacy wise during this time). This is due to both religious reasons as well as just plain not feeling clean.
Anyway, she does offer up handjobs as a replacement.
In effect, I’ll lie there while she takes care of me. Quick, mostly clean, painless for both of us. However, I have struggled for a while with this “compromise”. On the one hand, she is offering to take care of my needs even while she does not want her own stuff taken care off.
On the other hand, it strikes me as beta or worse – like settling for bad sex. Kind’ve like a high school kid getting a quick HJ on the down low before mom and dad get home. Or even her acting like a mother taking care of a child rather then 2 adults sexually getting it on. And we all know that your wife does not want to be your mom. (No, my mom was not giving me HJ’s but i think you get the point here – she sees my “suffering” and offers to relieve it).
Should I man-up here and show her I can handle 7 days or so (she bleeds for about 7 days) without sex. That I don’t need her to take care of me in that way? That there is more in my life then just sex and that I’ll just work out a bit more during that week.
Or is this a sweet compromise on her part and I should roll with it during those times – even if it is less than optimal chandelier swinging sex…?
Thoughts?
Hi there,
She’s being a wonderful wife and half my readers would be jealous of you.
It’s not super amazing sex, but it is consistent and good for you. By “manning-up” and showing her you can handle seven days without her sexually, you’re actually resisting her reaching out to you. I think you’re better off with the force-of-nature approach where you do need her help. If you repeatedly prove you can go a week without sexual interaction with her, you can probably go a month. Or a year… see what direction you don’t want to force things in?
What I suspect you are feeling is slightly understimulated by the handjobs though. Try having her kissing you as you come to orgasm. Have her tie your hands to the headboard and make it a little more teasing. Have her lie on her back with you hands and knees over her and cum on her breasts. Ask her to find your prostate. Toss in a vibrating cock ring with the handjob. Experiment with different lotions to use.
Kiss her afterwards. Long and deep.
In anycase… most men don’t get squat during her period. It’s a fairly bulletproof defense on her part if she doesn’t want anything sexual with you. So I think she’s being sweet to you.
Anyway, I don’t think you’re being Beta for having handjobs during her period, I think that set up is more Alpha. After all it’s all about your sexual needs and not about hers. What is more Beta though is getting all in your head and worrying about whether it’s Beta.
Don’t wait for her to offer it though. Ask for it and be more engagingly playful around the whole thing.
Athol
