Mr. Kay-
First I just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you for your book. It has changed my marriage over the course of a weekend. I had been previously familiar with Game, even using some of it to land my wife. But then I back slid into beta-ness and our relationship was souring. Via the magic of the interwebz, I found your site and purchased your book. After devouring your book, I went back to applying Game concepts to my life. And BAM! Magically our relationship is back on firm ground, moving nicely forward. So Thank you!
My dilemma: My wife finds it difficult to orgasm via vaginal intercourse. She can occasionally ‘get off’ on top, but even that has its difficulties. I have given her an orgasm orally. The problem is her favorite way to achieve the big O. That is for her to play with herself while I lick and caress her breasts. It’s definitely not my favorite thing to do, but I do it about once a week for her. It just feels so damn weak and beta. Even before I read your book and reclaimed my alpha status, it felt as though I was surrendering something by getting her off like this. So I only do it once a week so that it’s like a treat for her. She has stated that it is unfair of me to now want to do this for her every time we are intimate. I respond by saying that if she wants orgasm every time we copulate she needs to figure out what is preventing her from orgasming (a couple of times she’s told me that she “almost came that time, I just couldn’t”) I think that there is some sort of mental block (shame?) that prevents her from giving in and fully enjoying sex.
This leads to my question: Is it beta for me to be doing this for her? I want her to achieve orgasm, but I don’t want her to just view me as a ‘vibrator’.
Thanks again for everything you do for men!
Hiya,
you have some misinformation about women’s orgasms. The fact that your wife can orgasm from vaginal intercourse puts her in the 30% of women that can ever orgasm from just vaginal intercourse. That’s “ever” as in ever in their entire sexual history. So rather than her difficulty being a problem, it’s actually excellent luck on her part that she can.
It may interest you to know that Jennifer has never even once had a vaginal orgasm. We’ve done it where she has orgasmed with my penis inside her, but she has to finger her clit to get there. The issue is just simply how far the clit is located proximal to the entry to the vagina – anything further than 1.5 inches away basically rules out unassisted vaginal orgasms. Your combined sexual skill and willingness to make a vaginal orgasm happen aren’t as much of a factor as you might think they are. Trust me, we tried on this one for a while and all we both got was sore. (Well actually I did orgasm too, but I was a little sore)
The most excellent news is that your wife is very aware of her body and what makes her orgasm best. She’s also willing to speak up for it too, so she clearly has no shame issue here. She’s making herself responsible for her own orgasms. That’s an excellent thing. If she’s responsible for her orgasms, then you are to an extent her vibrator. Just like she kinda becomes your fucktoy.
Helping her to orgasms is a Beta Trait. It’s a very positive thing and she will have a major oxytocin reaction bonding herself to you when she has those thundering orgasms from fingering herself while you play with the boobies. My hunch is on those nights where she gets her favorite sexual thing, she is more interested in getting you your favorite sexual things.
So this may sound a little harsh, but right now the thing stopping her from orgasming every time is… well, you.
Seriously, who rations orgasms? Why are you denying her favorite sexual thing? What would happen if she played that same game back at you? Are you with the orgasm police? (Okay, so now I’m being harsh, but Jennifer got her car keys out and was demanding to know your street address… I’m pretending to do some body blows here to make her think I’m dealing with you.)
Anyway….
Just think of it as going on a date to a restaurant – let her order what she wants to have, and you order what you want to have. She gets hers, and you get yours. You both get happy.
Hope that helps. And anyway, if you feel overly Beta after all that, a few playful swats on her ass makes an excellent palate cleanser.
