Are You Having Sexual Leftovers?

Individual sex acts fall into three groups: (1) stuff you like, (2) stuff you don’t mind and (3) stuff you do not want. It’s easy to get in a sexual rut in a marriage, simply by sticking to the sort of sex acts that both of you like.

That seems a little odd on first read, so let me explain.

Say the husband likes sex acts A B C D E and F. The wife only likes the sex acts A B H J and K.

So the only things leftover on the sexual menu they both like are A and B. As they are both happy doing A and B, it’s very tempting to do A and B a lot, which is fine because they do both like it.

But turn up the stress levels in the marriage by say a new baby, or a family illness, shift change or whatever, the frequency of sex can take a little bit of a hit. So their reduced sexual activity pattern can look like this…

A A B A B A B A B A A A B A B B A A A A A B A B B A

The good news is that they stay in sexual contact together through the stressful time. That’s a plus. But when the stress passes and they can resume their normal sexual activity, for some reason it looks like this…

A A B A B A B A B A A A B A B B A A A A A B A B B A

Which means they are still in the same old sexual rut and having the sexual leftovers all the time. They do both like it, but without the added stimulation of the stressful family situation, having just the sexual leftovers all the time becomes under stimulating to them. Or in plain English, boring as hell.

The solution is to sit down together and really breakdown the sexual menu together again. They both like A and B, so that stays something they will do. But the husband likes C D E and F, and it may turn out that the wife doesn’t actually mind C D and E, but does not want F at all. So C D and E can get easily worked into the things they do. The wife wants H J and K, and it may turn out that the husband doesn’t mind H or J, but doesn’t want K. So H and J can get on the cycle as well.

Suddenly the new pattern is…

A B C H A B D J A B E A A C H B A H E C A B A C H J J D A B…

So that’s gone from just two sexual things, and spread out to seven things to do together. They aren’t always doing what they both like every day, but they also don’t mind it either. Plus with a partner you love, it’s a definitely enjoyable experience to see them getting something they want sexually. If nothing else it’s more stimulating and enjoyable.

The sticking point is those pesky things that one person really wants, but the other really does not want. The issue of I want to F, you seek K.

Maybe you can switch off and trade on those nasty, filthy, dirty degrading things they want. Maybe as a special act of love you let them have that thing once in a while. Maybe it’s just something you can’t do.

Maybe F and K are like your personal Green Eggs and Ham.