There’s a very common tendency for people to keep doing what worked at first, and when faced with the reduced positive response to doing what they were doing, to do it harder, faster, stronger and more seriously. This usually does result in a return of positive response, but eventually that dies out too. So it’s a re-doubling of the effort in vain hope for more positive response. At some point though, whatever was a positive in the beginning, turns into a colossal effort to get next to nothing.
So whatever the cause of your sexual problem is, the solution is not to double up on whatever caused the problem. If you’re over-doing the Beta, more Beta is not the answer. If you’re over-doing the Alpha, more Alpha is not the answer. If the problem is you’re getting fat and ugly, eating twice as much food and being lazier is not the answer. If you were climbing all over her trying to get her to like you, the solution is not to try and climb inside her ass and try it from there.
Do something different. Anything different. It will probably work better than you expect.
I’m all about fixing problems and self-improvement and being a better man… “the best version of yourself you can be.” But sometimes we have this colossal problem that fixates in our mind and cannot ever seem to be addressed. We’ve tried to change it, tweak it, plead with it and struggle with it for what seems like an enternity. And we despair of ever fixing it.
I see this all the time with women trying to lose weight who have tried dozens of programs, methods, diets, plans and routines. And none of it works for very long. Their problem is as much part of their identity as anything. They would be much better off just giving up trying to fix the weight issue, and fixing the multitude of other little problems that are fixable in their life. Be the best version of them without getting to the weight issue just yet. After all the other stuff is caught up, maybe the weight comes off easier. Maybe it comes off by itself once you stop paying focused direct attention to it. A watched pot never boils and all that.
Likewise your wife’s feelings for you can be the same way. Maybe she just isn’t into you very much and you’ve tried everything under the sun to try and change her mind about you… and none of it works for very long. Frankly you’d be much better off just not trying anymore to get her to like you. Go work on everything else and fix that first. Clean out the garage like you’ve been meaning to. Sort out the crap you were going to donate. Finish off that thing you haven’t finished off. Go to school for that course you needed to do but haven’t yet. Maybe while you’re doing all that she starts to think more kindly of you. Maybe she starts to miss you a little. Wonders what you’re up to in the garage for so long and comes looking for you.
Stop trying to make her happy. You can’t make her happy, you can only attract her…
…and you sure can’t get a woman to be attracted to you by climbing all over her and trying to make her happy.
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