Reader: I think another great blog posting that I’d love hear your opinion is the old married woman standby….I do it all for the kids. It is a pretty bulletproof defense for almost anything to a blue piller. But those who have glimpsed the matrix know there must be a way to destroy or at least work past it. I mean … I literally got this email from my wife just this afternoon. She’s overtired and sick because we just go-go-go so I gave her “orders” to quit sabotaging herself. She wrote that she does it for the kids, so they have things she didn’t. And she’s willing to push herself through (and bitch and moan constantly along the way) because its for the kids. Never mind the fact that the kids have to deal with her being overly grumpy. She just goes to bed at night and our sex life, despite me running the MAP is heading south.
How do you work around “its all for the kids.”
Athol: Try this response to “it’s all for the kids.”
“Have you heard of the phrase, ‘If mama isn’t happy, nobody’s happy.”
Whatever her response is…
“Well you don’t seem very happy.”
Then immediately leave in the direction of “just out somewhere” and don’t answer the phone for a while.
When you physically leave the house, it’s both to end the conversation and to display a withdrawal of attention. This way she’s left alone with her hamster gnawing on nothing but a taste test of divorce. I’m not saying it’s a pretty tactic, or one you should use constantly, but some women simply don’t get it until they see their husband walking out the door. It is much better to do it as a taste test than let it all pile up into a victimization puke and have a divorcing screaming meltdown.
Later that week…
Reader: We got into it a bit yesterday. I stood firm. When she started crying, I just looked at her and said “don’t whip out the tears here, I don’t buy it.” She kept up with the “for the kids” crap. But I just told her, “me being nice all the time isn’t working, so I might as well just be honest.” I didn’t budge one bit. I took the kids over to my parents for a couple hours. Came back she was much better, even stated “I like a workin man” which was key because she fought me quitting my job 2 years ago and now she’s acknowledging my ability to create income and run my own business. She was nice all night. Nailed the crap out of her last night. Thumbsup!
Athol: Sounds like you did great!
Basically if she’s spinning avoidant nonsense, call her on her crap. That’s half the battle right there. If you don’t call women on their crap they perceive you as being weak to them. Which turns them off. Women don’t want to be married to a bully, but they won’t stop saying they want a strong man anytime soon. Be strong.
And from the Captain and First Officer approach. Telling the First Officer to take a break and relax seems like a brain dead easy order to follow doesn’t it. You can actually bump back on this one fairly easily in that she can’t really complain about it to anyone else without looking like she’s losing her grip on reality…
“Oh Mom I can’t stand him anymore, he actually yelled at me just now.”
“Oh no! What did he yell at you about!?”
“He said I was working too hard and needed to take a break. He said I was making everyone else miserable.”
“And then what did he say?”
“Well… just that basically.”
“Ahhh.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well you always did hate being put down for a nap.”
“Okay never mind, I’m calling Cheryl.”
…
“OMG Cheryl he was yelling at me today, so loud I was scared.”
“Oh no! What about?!”
“He said I was working too hard and needed to take a break. He said I was making everyone else miserable.”
“And then what did he say?”
“Well… just that basically.”
“Ahhh.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You wanna swap husbands? I wish mine offered any kind of help.”
“Okay never mind I’m calling Anna.”
…
“OMG Anna, he was so angry at me today, over NOTHING. He was so loud, and he banged the counter too.”
“I’m at mom’s with Cheryl. We were just saying how great he looks recently. He sounds really annoyed with you. Is everything okay with you guys?”
“Oh… yeah, we’re fine. I think. No we’re fine.”
(OMG WHERE DID HE GO JUST NOW?!?)
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