Batshit Crazy Part 3

Marcus has left a new comment on your post “Batshit Crazy Part 2“:

I think Marcus is right… and Marcus is wrong. The question is simply where is the dividing line between a hot girl with a sense of entitlement testing you… and someone that has true psychiatric mental health issues. With the hot girl testing you, game will work. Someone with a chemical imbalance in their head will not care a damn about your game and can become very dangerous.

As an aside, I work with psych patients and I sure as hell do not use game on someone that is destablizing on us. We have behavior plans, medication regimes, protective holds and 911 calls if the situation cannot be contained. Me saying “batshit crazy” is color commentary for a lay audience when I’m off work; at work it’s all about counting the control drugs and being relaxed in an endless swirl of chaos. But I can’t really say anything more about that, and you’ll all here for the sex angle, so…

About twenty years ago, I had a crazy girlfriend. Except I didn’t know she was crazy because she was on her best behavior before we dated and then the crazy started leaking out slowly. I didn’t understand this at the time, I just knew she was a bit emotional and snapped at me a lot, but that was what my mum did to me as well, so it seemed normal enough. I had no idea then why she was so snappy at me, but looking back I can see that the more clothes I got off her, the more crazy started coming into play. Lets just say “topless crazy” was my breaking point and we can move on from there.

Anyway, her needy phone calls drove me crazy, and that was complicated by the fact that we worked together as well. So she’d get in some kind of trouble at work and she’d call me straight away to vent / rage / cry about it. Ugh.

I forget exactly what had triggered it, but I had started really wondering why I was in this relationship as it just didn’t seem worth it. (The work thing had turned pretty awkward to be honest as it was a supposed secret as well, so that added a layer of drama.)  I didn’t even say that I was thinking of breaking up with her, but she suddenly started telling this impassioned story about how when her prior boyfriend had broken up with her, she had purposely driven her car into a telephone pole as some sort of failed suicide attempt. She told me this story in the tone of voice that implied that her actions then, were somehow my fault. Confusing…

Plus in the telling of the story, she made it very clear that she felt a lot stronger about her prior boyfriend, than she did about me. I know now that she did that purposely to hurt me; at the time I was hurt by it and focused on trying to deal with the emotion of that.  I also had this odd skin crawling sensation that something wasn’t right with all this. But I was young, stupid and could get her top off… so I just let it go.

About  two or three weeks later she explodes on me screaming that she hates her father, hates her ex-boyfriend, hates her brothers and she hates men.  She hates, hates, hates all men.

And the lights finally come on in my head. I’m a man, therefore you will hate me. All this mean shit you do to me isn’t actually my fault and isn’t even about anything I’m doing to you. I’m wrong by default. Then I realize with crystal clarity – this is not a problem I can fix.

With that screaming fit, I saw no future with with her.Which considering I was a devout Christian at the time, meant time with her was a pointless delay in finding a wife and sex life. So… game over girlfriend. Game over.

I wish I could say that I cut her out of my life like a cancer and never looked back, but my feelings for her stayed for a while. A few weeks after I dumped her I went back to see her again, I’m not really sure why. She was in her front yard doing weeding and the moment she saw me, her face twisted into venom. After listening to her verbal tirade long enough to realize there would be no end to it, I just turned around and drove away to safely and happiness. Thank goodness we worked on separate floors at work.

So looking back, I just don’t see anything I could have really done that would have changed that deep inner hatred. I could have probably knocked off the harassing needy calls at work and taken the edge off things, but all that would have done was extend the relationship longer into the future before I dumped her. Topless crazy would have turned into bottomless crazy, and then into sex crazy – who knows what that might have been like with her. And yes she was cute, with a great body, I’ll give her that much. But that ain’t enough. The purpose of marriage is not for a man to save a woman.

The last thing I remember of her was that her, myself and one of the other single girls from work had gone to a Christian music festival weekend. Me in my tent, the two of them in a shared tent and her back to good behavior. At some point on the final night both girls ended up in my tent talking and things started to progress between me and the other girl. I believe we pointedly froze my ex-girlfriend out and she fled the tent in tears.

Me and the other girl made out heavily, which was both nice (great girl, really liked her), but also awkward in that I felt near zero fireworks when kissing her (totally unexpected). Fortunately, I was due to head to America for my summer camp experience and she was about to go to South Africa on a short term mission. So we agreed to just hold off on getting into a relationship and see what happened when we were back. (She met a guy in SA and married him.)

A week or so later it was time for my big adventure in America. I packed my bags for the plane and said goodbye to the girls, goodbye mum and dad, goodbye New Zealand and goodbye to my job at The Bible Society.