Although he has his alpha qualities (without them, his marriage wouldn’t have survived more than forty years), my father is, at heart, the very kind of beta provider that Marriage 1.0 was designed to protect and reward. He’s very, very good at the provider role. He’s worked his ass off most of his life. Now, with retirement near at hand, he’s been playing the role of slacker pretty hard. But if anybody’s earned it, it’s him. He’s also more than a little bit Aspie. On top of that my mother and her family are the biggest verbal advocates of “forget what other people think and be yourself” that I’ve ever met. By “verbal advocates” I mean “hypocrites of the first order,” because although they say all of that, they don’t actually pay attention to any of it when judging other people (except for one aunt of mine and her husband – they actually live what they preach).
One result of that combination is that I was brought up with a very specific mindset regarding wealth and status symbols. In particular, I was raised very thoroughly to not “waste” money on status symbols such as nice clothes, nice cars, good haircuts, iPads, designer handbags, etc. Those things are silly and wasteful and they’ll only get in the way of your acquisition of real wealth.
Part of me is glad for that upbringing. There are an awful lot of things that people spend money on, solely for status symbols, that they really don’t need. Even more, Game tells us that status symbols are only partially effective at their desired goal (for men, attracting women; for women, status jockeying with other women). In order to really gain status in the eyes of men and women alike you need attitude, demeanor, poise and more. In short, you need skill.
But Game has also taught me something else. After your basic needs are met, status is more important than wealth. This holds true in almost every conceivable way. Higher status will help you with women more than higher wealth will. Higher status will help you get more promotions (and hence more wealth). Higher status will get you deference from your community in a way that higher wealth won’t. Higher status will help your children with their own reproductive quest far more than wealth will.
To be sure, that still doesn’t mean it’s smart to just blow all of your money on status symbols. For one thing, wealth itself helps you get status just as status helps you get more wealth. For another, not all status symbols are created equal. It’s very helpful, for instance, to be able to choose cost efficient status symbols to purchase.
But at this point in my life it’s abundantly clear to me that a big part of the reason I had so much trouble with women in my teens and early twenties is directly attributable to my refusal to play the status game. I did better than my brothers. I honestly chose not to play. They just sucked at it. My sister, on the other hand, is actually pretty good at it. She just hasn’t figured out that men don’t give a shit about her status and never will.
The interesting thing I’m finding as I start to play the game, however, is that I’m actually pretty good at it. And if you’re good at it, it’s actually kind of fun…
