I’m feeling like a hot mess right now. I guess here’s where I start getting really personal.
The Captain requested that tonight be Blowjob Night. I’d only done that to completion once in the last, oh, i dunno, 6 or 7 years? Maybe more? (Shit.) and the last time I had to spit because I nearly threw up on him. Ugh. He avoided caffeine and drank pineapple juice all day as an experiment, because since having the kids, my gag reflex has been God awful. I can handle it if it’s a precursor to sex, but I have a big problem with texture and taste if we’re going all the way. I knew it was happening that night, and I was prepared all day for it, but my frame of mind was all off when it came time to go to bed. I’d been wrestling with the computer all evening, trying to get some software that’s necessary for my ever-so-small side business to work, so very frustrated and tired. I should have shut it down when I started getting flustered, but computer issues already have me behind by a few days on this particular project.
I tried to clear my mind. I tried to make it good. He was laying down when I came out of the bathroom, I told him I couldn’t do it that way because I knew my neck would get tired. He tried sitting in the chair and I knelt in front of him… Only to have my bad knees start hurting. I stayed put as long as I could, but I just couldn’t.
We moved to the bed (me laying on my stomach, him standing up), and that went ok for a few minutes, but then my stupid ass gag reflex kicked in. I knew he was close, but the though of him coming in my mouth was making me gag and get nauseous. We stopped, and I broke down crying. We ended up finishing in our standard way, and it was awful.
I’m pissed at myself, and embarrassed, and just generally feel awful. I can tell he’s disappointed, even though he tried to reassure me.
I’d say I needed to do some shots of tequila before we try again, but tequila MAKES ME NAUSEOUS. HELL.
I feel so freaking bad. Even though it’s my night off from taking care of the boys when they wake up (we take turns), I know I won’t sleep a wink tonight. I’m just too worked up. I need to get out of my own head.
