Still down-in-the-dumps health wise, really missing the gym. The Captain has been awesome, helped me get caught up on chores this weekend, and stayed home this morning so I could sleep in after a particularly awful night. Feeling a little better today, but still at that weak, tired, feeling sorta gross stage. Currently sipping some hot peppermint tea and indulging the fussy little toddler with Blue’s Clues.
I think we’re getting rid of cable. We watch Netflix primarily, if we watch anything at all. We listen to a lot of classical music otherwise. The only real reason we stuck with it was because it’s the only way to watch NHL hockey and, well, there’s sort of a lockout going on right now. I don’t see it ending anytime soon either. Thanks Gary Bettman, you huge douchenozzle. But I digress.
Had a great, long conversation with the Captain about several things on Saturday evening, driving the kids back from a friend’s house. Discussed some things I’d been reading in the Manosphere, reminisced about life before marriage (I didn’t realize that I never really talked to him about my time in the military, other than how much I hated going back to it after a weekend with him. I’m remedying that). We talked about previous partner numbers, and how it seems that women don’t care quite as much as men do. That’s the case in our relationship; I don’t even remember my own number, nor his, but he knows, and both numbers bother him. I assumed that he regretted that his number was smaller; to the contrary, he regrets that it was so large. I warned him that I may make a post about my previous relationships at some point, and he seemed warily ok with it. No specifics, but some generalities. He gets slightly miffed anytime I mention an ex boyfriend, so I need to tread lightly. He had some interesting thoughts on it all, and I told him that if he felt the need to write it down, I’d be happy to let him take over the blog for a post or two. We learn a lot from each other via this and forums, so it’s a good communication tool.
On the subject of fantasies from my last post, I asked him what his are. He’s sort of blown it off with “I don’t know” and “I’ll think about it”. I get the feeling that he’s scared of my reaction, so I’m backing off for now. We were into some pretty kinky stuff while we were dating, and I trusted him explicitly then. I trust him even more now, but I think that since we are so different now, it’s almost like starting from the beginning. And I don’t think he knows just how depraved my mind can go. I started a tumblr to show him through photos I find, as sort of a pictorial guide, and I think it’s made somewhat of an impression, but he still has lingering doubts about something.
I have a couple of posts brewing in my head, but I just don’t have the focus to make them a reality at the moment. May just stick to more stream of consciousness posts like this for a bit. Helps me sort my thoughts.
