It’s one of those days.
One of the boys has been damn near inconsolable the last few nights, and it’s starting to wear us thin. We trade nights of getting up to put babies back to sleep, but right now he’s doing a lot of the work, because THEY WILL NOT FALL ASLEEP FOR ME. I can rock and cuddle and feed them bottles and sing and shush, but nothing. During the day, the only way I can get them to sleep is to wait until they’re so exhausted they’re falling asleep on their own. At night, I end up letting them play on the floor for hours while I read. And even then, they won’t fall asleep for me. It makes me angry and frustrated. It makes me feel like a shitty mother and a shitty wife. It makes him exhausted because I usually have to give in and ask him to help nearly every night it’s my turn. It makes me exhausted because I end up with 4 hours of sleep even though I have to ask for help. And on his nights, I still wake up to nearly every noise on the baby monitor. I’m very close to claiming the guest bedroom so we can sleep in relative peace on our off nights.
My girl game has plummeted, and he reminded me of it yesterday. Not fun. I’m barely making it to the gym, making breakfast for him in the morning has gone out the window, I’m behind on chores, I can’t find the time at the end of the day to look nice for him when he comes home, I’m unpleasant to be around. The hours of 5-7pm are pure unadulterated hell of crying, grumpy babies, and that starts 30 minutes after he gets home.
I’m never having kids again. I’m putting it all here for posterity so I can come back and look at it again when I start to feel the urge. Fuck. This. Never again.
And of course, today is “One Million And One Questions Day” from Ms. Toddler. I need a punching bag.
Ok, enough bitching. I just needed to get it out of my system.
Like I said, I’ve barely been able to get to the gym, I think because I don’t really have any direction. I really want to start in in weights, but I’m very intimidated. I’ve tried picking up a couple of books, but it seems like most assume a certain level of familiarity with the equipment and exercises, and I’m completely clueless. I have the same problem with gardening. 
One of the red pill ladies I met a while ago is a certified personal trainer and offered to help me out. Score! I’m looking forward to it, hoping to fit it in weekend after next. I’ll be glad when the holidays are over, we have too much crap going on on the weekends till then. Traveling for Christmas itself, I hope it goes as smoothly as Labor Day did (knock on wood).
I’ve got lots of posts floating around in my head and drafts folder right now, but I’ve had zero time to flesh them out. Maybe I can carve out some coffee shop time later this week. That’d be nice.
Edit: I’m not really saying no more kids. I said the same thing after the first one, lol.
