The Audacious Amateur Blogger writes in response to Girl Game: Submissive Positioning:
Very thought-provoking.
My mother, growing up, always told me that a woman makes all the decisions, but she needs to make her man feel like he was in control the whole time.
So, if this is true, which, I don’t know if it is or it isn’t, though I can see some wisdom in it, are we truly being submissive?
Also, it made me think, I am a naturally independent person, men, women it doesn’t matter, however, I also enjoy being submissive with a man. Can a person be both? Or rather, can they be strong independent figures in one area of their lives and submissive in another?
E.J. responded:
I’m looking forward to this post. Whenever I see old married couples, I get the feeling that the husband is the muscle, but the wife is a silent mob boss, calling shots behind the scenes.
TAAB:
hehee, you’re probably right. Women rule the home, which eventually feeds into everything else. BUT the man can never know he ended up living in cottage style home in the outskirts of Chicago, that having that 3rd kid after the first two were basically grown, even where he ended up in his career was ALL his idea, meanwhile she was feeding subliminal messages that got them there the whole time..
Damn I need to learn how to be that woman!
It’s no secret that I think a marriage has to have a leader, and that men naturally fall into that roll. Evo psych, and all that. We’ve tried steering the marriage car with two steering wheels in the past, and I’ll take a single steering wheel with me in the passenger seat any day of the week.
I don’t have any women in my family that have pulled the old switcheroo with regards to male leadership. My dad wasn’t really a leader (at least not in my later childhood), and I’m sure my mom WANTED to follow him, but there were lots of extenuating circumstances, some of which I don’t have the details on. So I really don’t have any good examples. But I have no doubt women use this as a tactic to lull her husband into a false sense of security, and I have no doubt that such marriages are anything but happy. I’d be interested to know how happy your parents’ marriage is.
I suppose if a woman’s goal is manipulation, this would be a valid strategy. The female wiles are powerful; we can so easily make our men feel like this:
The big test comes when he tries to make a decision that his wife doesn’t agree with. What then? I can only guess a huge fight where she continues her manipulation with tears and promises of sex.
Over the coarse of a long marriage, the woman who manipulates her man in such a way will begin to resent him, whether consciously or not. You can’t respect a man who allows himself to be manipulated and walked on. It’s hard to feel attracted to a doormat, even if you’re trying to give the illusion that he’s not. So the sex will start to dwindle, he’ll up the beta in an effort to get more, and it’ll all go down hill. That’s assuming this type of woman is having regular sex with her husband in the first place… I can’t imagine that she is, save for the occasional weaponized sexual encounter with the sole purpose of continued manipulation.
When the sex goes downhill, it all goes downhill. It’s a question of whether he puts up with it or decides he can’t live that way by nuking the marriage. The end is either a miserable sexless marriage or a broken family, unless he wises up and actually stands up for himself, but even then the prognosis is bleak. A marriage built on deception is doomed from the start. It may not fold in 5 or 10 or 15 years, but it’s almost guaranteed disaster. Then she’s left realizing the dating market for women her age is bleak as hell, and she adopts a bunch of cats.
I suppose there can be exceptions, and not all people end up this way in this situation, but I just can’t see it ending happy for most.
You don’t want to be that woman! Besides the fact that you’re potentially ruining his life (and your own, and your children), that’s just a lot of damn work compared to the alternative.
