So here’s the dilemma I have, and I need some ideas. This devolves from my usual subject of marriage and sex, so bear with me (or feel free to skip, I understand).
I’ve written previously on my dad. Short story of what happened after my parents divorced: He went Office Space on his job and bills, and eventually ran out of money. He felt he needed to get out of the apartment he and my mom used to share, and I don’t blame him, I think it was a sink for all his energy and motivation. Or at least I thought that at the time. He called and said he was coming to visit. My sister called and told me he intended on staying, but was too proud to ask. I told him next time I talked to him that he was welcome to stay with us long enough to get back on his feet. The divorce was really hard in everyone, and he needed support.
He stayed with us for quite a few months. Don’t remember how long, but we were in a one bedroom apartment at Cap’s college at the time, so to say it was uncomfortable was an understatement. But he cooked and cleaned, so at least we ate well while he was there. He eventually got a job and an apartment. Seemed to be doing well.
Except one day I get a call from his job asking where he is. He didnt quit, he just stopped going. The same thing all over again.
Eventually he runs out of money, and he goes to live with my sister. Repeat the story all over again. This time he meets a woman and they get married, and at this point they both have enough baggage to fill a 747. But they seem happy. They move to another city to start new careers, and everything seems peachy keen and awesome.
They worked at the same company, which went down the tubes about a year later. They both got laid off. Thankfully, we needed help in a big way with the twins coming soon. We invited them to move here and stay with us because the job market is much better here than their previous city where they were having no luck, and because we could use the help while they were looking for new jobs.
Things go well, they’re a great help, and probably saved me from some severe postpartum depression. They’re awesome grandparents.
However, my dad does little to find a job. He goes on a couple of interviews, and eventually finds something, but it falls through pretty fast. It really was a shit job, I can’t fault him for it. But I can fault him for being a lazy ass after it fell through. His wife eventually got a job that is also pretty shitty, but he took that as a sign that he didn’t have to look anymore, or something.
It came upon a year of them living with us. I was getting incredibly resentful of him being here all day. I could see him repeating some behavior from my childhood with my daughter (ignoring her in favor of the computer). It hurt my heart, and I had to get his attention quite often when she wanted to play or talk to him.
They finally found a place and moved out. He found another job that turned out to be a scam. By this point, his wife is rightfully pissed at his lack of motivation. She’s going to kick him to the curb soon, and I don’t blame her. He’s an unmotivated mooch. He’s a spoiled child. He doesn’t see how his lack of action hurts those around him. He claims he has high standards for what he wants to do, but I think that’s just an excuse to do nothing.
Now the question is, what do I do when this happens? He absolutely cannot live here again, because there’s no way we’d get him out. It’d be the same thing all over again, but add on more depression from a second divorce. Do I tell him he can’t live here with the knowledge that he’ll end up homeless? How can I do that to my dad? But how can I continue to coddle him, which might be even worse?
I’m scared that if I confront him on his lack of action, he’ll break off all contact with me. He’s done it to family previously. I don’t worry for me, because honestly I would be sad, but I could take it or leave it. I worry because my daughter adores her Grandpa. My sons adore him too, as much as 8 month olds can. He’s a wonderful grandparent most of the time.
He needs to see a professional, because I don’t think he’s worked through his issues from the first marriage. But he can’t do that without health insurance, and he can’t get health insurance without a job.
I’m just at a complete loss.
