I’ve got a few minutes to myself (which I should be using to clean, make Christmas candy, or pack, but whatever).

We’ve hashed some issues out on the MMSL forums, feel free to go look over there if you want to see my epic tirade. I’ve got a temper a cubic square mile big, and it got switched into overdrive over a pretty hurtful misunderstanding. But when you’ve rehashed the same basic argument in different forms over and over again, and you’ve tried to get over it over and over again, what is left but anger?

Long story short: his paying job, 7 days a week, is to focus on the negative and fix it. Focusing on the negative in a marriage where the wife is working her ass off to make things as great as possible is a recipe for everything going down the toilet. I’ve written about his tendency to look at things over-analytically before, this falls into that category.

So we reached some conclusions:

-Always Yes is a bad idea. It doesn’t give him a chance to know what about his game is working and what isn’t. It’s basically me giving him sex out of guilt if I’m truly not in the mood (which doesn’t happen often, but often enough to be a problem).

-Spanking a submissive woman for not being submissive enough (when she asked you to start discipline spanking HERSELF) is terribly ironic.

-Aftercare needs to happen after a spanking. It has to. Without it, all sorts of bad feelings erupt and have nowhere to go.

And now, I have absolutely no desire for anything. I’m on the tail-end of monthly unpleasantness, and usually dying for some physical interaction, but I got nothin’. The idea of being sexually submissive right now is utterly unappealing. I’m not really craving much of anything. To say that scares me is an understatement. I’ve gone from sadness to anger and back again, and now I’m at this sort of uncaring blah stage.

I found a copy of “Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns”, read the first couple of pages and nothing more. Just… No. Not right now.

I don’t really want to deal with Christmas vacation, because we won’t have any time to deal with this stuff. Family and kids all around. All I’ll be able to do is put it out of my head until we get back, and I hate that.

On top of that, having father issues again. Another post for another day, but something I badly need to write about, because I don’t have a damn clue what I should do. What do you do when a grown adult is acting like a spoiled teenager? How do you tell your dad that if he loses his wife and home again because he’s lazy, he’s not welcome back to live with us? Ugh. It’s weighing heavily on me. Maybe I’ll write about it sooner rather than later.

Thank you for all the emails I’ve gotten. Sorry I haven’t responded. My brain just kinda shuts down when I open my inbox. But know that I truly appreciate them and I’m ruminating on some things.