Had a revelation this morning.
Yesterday, I felt like he couldn’t do anything right. A couple of things, yeah, they hit sore spots. But generally I just WANTED to be angry at him, provoke him. And I think I’ve realized why.
The night before, as we were arguing, he accused me of wanting a divorce, and that he was scared shitless that I was going to leave. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and I got righteously pissed. At the time I was pissed that he thought I would even be capable of it (leftover blue-pill crap, I know) but I think most of all, I was angry that he was acting so needy and frightened that I was going to leave. It was a display of weakness, and I pounced on it the next day like a tiger on a piece of juicy red meat, until he finally got so fed up with me last night that he threw me down on the bed and let me have it (with his penis), as I said I kinda wanted in my last post.
And it worked. I instantly felt better.
But I didn’t even think of that display of weakness as being the cause until this morning. I hadn’t been thinking of it yesterday specifically, I was just angry at him. I don’t think I can handle displays of weakness very well. And it bothers me that this doesn’t happen consciously.
Edit: it’s not like this all the time! Dang y’all. 
