I’ve been pondering this the last few days.
Being self-aware is good in a way. I know why I do the things I do. I know why others do the things they do. I see now that I have to have girl game, and I’m adjusting accordingly.
But it’s also caused me to question my husband in ways that are unfair to him. When he does something beta during an argument, I can feel my mind getting angry, and I know it’s because he answered a question wrong. And I find myself thinking “What? No, don’t say that, no, WHAT?? Ugh, that is so beta”. And then I can’t say anything, because how emasculating is it to have a wife tell you you’re being beta?
Though really, I think we’d end up with the same result if I weren’t red pill aware, just in a more roundabout way. Perhaps knowing what is wrong is more frustrating, because I’m the type that likes to fix things. But I can’t force him to be alpha, I can’t tell him the right way to respond to the snarky remark I inadvertently let fly in the kitchen. Maybe that’s what I’m most frustrated about.
I put myself on restriction over at the MMSL forums. I hid the forums that don’t pertain to me, so that he can ask for advice if he wants to, without worrying about me seeing it. I don’t need to read about other guys’ alpha, and he needs a place to vent and talk to other men without me butting in. I need to concern myself with my girl game, though I still think guy game is fascinating. Even after a day, I feel a little more at ease.
I kicked up my girl game yesterday (and he was bringing his game as well), and we made a nice evening out of it, after our workouts were done. 
