I decided to wean myself off the Wellbutrin to see where I was at, because I’ve noticed that it’s been giving me vertigo, and that’s not something I can deal with everyday. It’s made me incredibly tired, and it’s made working out almost impossible.
The last two days, I’ve wanted not-a-damn-thing to do with sex. Which in turn has made me depressed, because I feel like the great time we’ve had for the last few weeks was entirely because I was medicated. Any touch right now (children or husband) just kinda drives me up the wall. I believe the term is “touched out”. I started myself back on half a dose. It was worth a try, I guess.
I also haven’t had much of an outlet to write out my feelings here, because I’ve just been busy with the kids out of my freakin mind. Boys learning to walk, the girl is extra needy because of the extra attention to boys have been getting from bonking their heads on things. One of the boys is a climber, so I spend a good portion of the day chasing him around to make sure he doesn’t fall off couches or tables, and I have to fish him out of laundry baskets and toy boxes often. I just need some time to create, and it’s not happening. I just need some time to breathe.
This Lent has been… Less than fulfilling. I’m filled with a lot of turmoil about some things, and that’s just adding to my sense of unease. (Nothing I really feel comfortable talking about right now… I may bring it up in the future, may not. Oddly enough, I can talk all day long about sex, but my personal relationship with God is something so personal an intimate that I don’t really think I can deal with it here. I’ve barely talked about it with Captain M.)
We have a weekend vacation coming up. I’ve been excited, but now I’m worried a weekend won’t be enough. And I’m worried it won’t be the awesome sex holiday I was envisioning for the last couple of weeks. And I’m still a little irritated that I had to almost have a complete breakdown to get Captain M to schedule it.
This article has me considering powerlifting… Current gym doesn’t have a squat rack though (WTF). Want to turn the garage into a home gym, or find a gym that doesn’t suck (but preferably the home gym, because I still find the guys in the gym intimidating!)
I’ve made some kick ass paleo dinners the last few weeks. Went shopping at the expensive healthy food store and got some good organic meats and veggies, and ended up with a smaller grocery bill than I thought. Score! Just wish I could get my daytime eating in line. Still using low-carb tortillas for wraps and gluten-free crackers w/ almond butter as the occasional snack. And I do get chicken fingers from Zaxby’s once a week, cause damn those things are good, and easy to eat when the kids are asleep in the car. Hard to let go of convenience right now. Weight is still holding steady, just need some tone, so I’m at peace with the cheats, for right now. 
So, no real point to this post, just kinda feel like I’m in limbo.
