I’m hangin’ in there. One more week till my HRT appointment, where lots of blood will be drawn and analyzed. Really hoping to hear “We found something off” this time.
Captain M and I are doing alright. He’s being my rock right now. I’m flailing about, and he’s there to hold on to. I just wish I’d let myself hold on to him more often. I’ve been getting pretty down and foggy. I’d be even more of a mess if he weren’t helping with the laundry. The kitchen and the laundry are the two most unending, soul draining tasks in this house, and I’m thankful I can focus on one without the other going to hell. I’m still managing to get somewhat of a healthy paleo-ish dinner on the table every night, even if one of the twins refuses any green vegetable.
I’ve been putting a lot of energy into working out, out of fear that I’ll start gaining again, mostly. I don’t really know where my physical progress is at. I’ve gained 5 lbs from my lowest weight, but I know the scale doesn’t matter where muscle is concerned. I can’t tell any difference in tape measurements, but I definitely feel some things firming up. Last night, while I was laying awake, I felt my thighs and thought “Damn, that’s a lot more muscle than I remember”. I can see the teeniest bit of abs. My shirts with elastic around the sleeves cut into my biceps. 
I’ve still got maybe 5-10 lbs of fat around my midsection that needs to go, even though the muscle is showing up. Doing Stronglifts 5×5 3 days a week right now, and kinda stalled out. 85lb squats, 70lb bench and row, 50 lb overhead press, 125lb deadlift. I just can’t seem to do any more than that. Once I get the energy thing straightened out I’ll be going back to Strong Curves 4-5 days a week. I just wish there was a better way to measure my progress, because some days I feel like I look a ton better than I used to, and some days I feel like I’ve made no progress at all. It’s hard to gauge what Captain M thinks. He doesn’t comment much.
I got a Fitbit Flex a month ago, it’s been a fantastic little tool for keeping track of calories in vs calories out when paired with MyFitnessPal. I’ll be doing a separate post about that soon, now that I’ve got a lot of data to play with. Mmmm, numbers and graphs. I’m on a -500 calorie a day low-carb plan, and I have a cheat day once a week. Basically gluten-free/paleo, though I did have some Ego waffles yesterday, and remembered why I’m not eating those anymore. Bleh.
I can’t wait to get out of this fog. I usually walk around in a stupor till after lunch time, and even then don’t really get going till around 5pm. Then it’s hard for me to get to sleep at a decent time. Last night I sat in bed wide awake till probably midnight.
Sexy times have been good. I ditched the hormonal birth control over a month ago, and I’ve felt some of my libido come back. I still suck at initiating, so no change in that area. I need to open up. I can be open about most feelings, why not that one?
And HOCKEY SEASON is here! Yay hockey.
