I was dating a girl recently, and she seemed particularly fussy about my face being clean shaven. She’d always bug to me shave when I kissed her in the evening. Then she was showing me some photos in her iPhone and one shot included this guy who had a beard like a Navy Seal, just home from a tour of duty in the Helmand Province. With a couple more months the guy could’ve put Gandalf to shame. “Oh that’s my ex,” she exclaims.
So, in reality she’s not at all bothered by my five o’clock shadow and is simply finding ways to beat on me. It’s quite subtle, but what she’s doing is asking me to do something that she doesn’t give a damn about, to see if she can break me to her will. Then of course she will grow to manipulate me more and then later despise me for it. This fairly innocent-looking dynamic is what leads to her taking the reins in so many more ways, that if you bend to it, you might as well buy her a strap on during the first date.
“You Are Cheating On Me”
It may be true or it may not be true, but it should of course always be denied. Men get laid—women have relationships. I headed out for a drink the other weekend at my favorite bar where my buddy is the bar man. He’d lined up these two tourist chicks the previous night (cute 19-year-old Ukrainians from Texas), but missed out on finding a wing man. He suggested I hang out and take the heat for him, which I gladly did. She offered, and who was I to decline? There was nothing premeditated about it and it wasn’t going to turn into a crazed affair. I was just entertaining myself of an evening.
A few weeks later a more longer-term girlfriend starts beating on me for “cheating” and I cannot understand where all this crap is coming from. Of course it would be too easy to say…. Well, yes there was this time last month. NO! It has nothing to do with that. At best she is shooting in the air, just as beard girl was. Just by accusing you of cheating and making you deny it, she has already won. She’s got you on the back foot. It’s another horrid little girl head game that has nothing to do with anything.
Beyond trying to get control, she’s also in all likelihood thinking about sleeping around herself. Thieves often get worried about people stealing from them. Liars feel they can’t trust anyone. Aggressive drug dealers carry guns and are ready to kill because they feel threatened. Whatever is in a person’s head tends to get manifested in their attitudes. The girl that accuses you of cheating, while having no evidence, is not only angling for control and trying to get you on the defensive, but also has designs in that direction herself.
Passive Aggressive Can Be Very Subtle
What we are talking about here is the “beta” trait of being passive aggressive. Women are whole heartedly beta. She wants to cheat but she doesn’t have the “balls” to go out and just do it. It’s not a spontaneous thing for her. Most likely an ex has showed up on Facebook, or a guy at work has been hitting on her and she wants to go on a date, but can’t handle the guilt. So what she does, like the typical passive aggressive, is try to project her shit onto you.
If you admit to cheating, this of course gives her a get out of jail free card to ride half the neighborhood in a mad fit of orgasmic revenge. The girl that accuses you of cheating is not necessarily cheating already, what she’s doing is trying to paint you into the corner as the villain, so she can excuse her own devious behavior.
A girlfriend recently left her iPad on the table while she was out. I picked it up innocently enough to read the news and found myself logged into her Facebook account, with some old friend of hers from college sending over photos of some pretty decent looking mid-40s guy she was dating. I was about to close it, when I saw her profile photo, complete with two kids and a loving husband and I just had to investigate further.
She’s yapping on in her private messages about how hubby is cheating on her and now she’s going to go and date her ex, but honestly her husband looked like the loveliest, wealthiest, kindest, softest gentleman you can ever imagine; a perfect husband. Perhaps he has a kink and visits hookers, or pays the odd rent boy, but he obviously makes good money and looks like a typical accountant, engineer, or software developer. He ain’t cheating. But she has convinced herself he is, so she can satisfy her own lust, while satiating the guilt she feels. I mean for fuck’s sakes. Buy some kinky underwear make some effort and give the lovely husband the time of his life. Would it take that much?
The passive aggressive dynamic is also what causes weaker men to end up beating the shit out of their women. Believe it or not, as politically incorrect as it seems and although it would never stand up in a court of law, many times the passive aggressive shit testing woman is actually trying to draw out bad behavior so she can accuse him and play the victim.
Her Cry For Commitment
When a woman gets all needy and clingy, she can be hard to manage. The choice is to go all-in or ditch her. However, once you understand the depths of her psychology, it becomes much easier to handle the situation. What comes out of a woman’s mouth and what is going on in her head are two very different things. Her cry for commitment in your logical mind, makes you think she is very serious about her relationship with you, but in truth she hasn’t got a damn clue and is shaking at the thought of commitment. Often she wants to break up but doesn’t know how, so she’s forcing you to take the lead.
From this point you can not only allay her fears and calm her down, but also make her see that it’s her that should be more committed to you (provided of course you want her around–if you don’t this is a great moment to cool things off). Use a basic martial arts technique of turning the attacker’s force against them. She wants commitment, so make her commit. It’s not that different to the older brother holding the younger brother at arm’s length, while he flaps his too-short arms trying to punch back.
The needy, clingy girl can be flipped into the most loyal devoted girlfriend. On the other hand, untold numbers of immature women that have sucked men into full-blown, god-awful LTRs with the clingy “I want commitment” conversation, whilst actually being completely insecure and having no such designs on an LTR whatsoever. Is it any wonder the relationships go to hell in a hand basket?
“I Think We Should Break Up”
Greenlights in the sky like you’re in the Yukon. If a girl is both subtly whining for commitment but also trying to take play brinkmanship with the breakup routine, this girl wants to commit. You might have a keeper on your hands. She’s testing you to see where your loyalties lie, precisely because she doesn’t have the balls to tell you to your face how crazy she is about you. I cannot tell you how many potential unicorns have been lost because of this catch phrase. I lost a girl like this and after the big “breakup” she spent the next three years keeping in touch, even after she got married and had a kid.
When the girl at the bar flicks her hair, or shows you the back of her wrist, flutters her eyes, pushes her tits up, rearranges her shirt and all that…. You know that her on-board mating computer has just pegged you as a possible match. The catch phrase “I think we should break up”, or for the married couple, “I want a divorce” is exactly the same thing. She wants to know if you want to break up, or if you want a divorce so she doesn’t have to take full responsibility and having it fall flat. She’s trying to draw you into showing the commitment she wants to show. It’s a lose-lose situation in many ways and that is why your average male is utterly confounded.
Of course, this female game will fall flat on its face for her, because as soon as you start begging her not to leave you, she’ll start playing hard to get. The script will flip and you will find yourself having fallen into the twilight zone of beta boy. The solution is to wholeheartedly agree and then run game until you have her flat on her back howling with orgasms. Of course if you want to break up, that’s fantastic she’s just done all the hard work for you, but if not, it’s just a hop, skip, jump to have her fully online in your corner. After you’ve pounded her senseless you can tease her about the big breakup.
Your Own Passive Aggressive Garbage
Be wary of your own passive aggressive shit and projecting your own crap onto her. Many a marriage has died because the man is desperately unhappy but doesn’t have the balls to end it properly. If you want it over, start making a move. Set yourself up in a new apartment across town, slowly move a few things out, make whatever excuses you need to and be on your way. I don’t recommend the “I want a divorce” conversation until you’ve already cooled things down and have a separate place to live. She will make your life hell. There’s no worse place to be than trying to live with a woman that hates you. Men don’t break up; they just quietly go cold and find somewhere else to lay their hat and bury their bone.
Read More: Passive Game Vs. Active Game
